There’s a popular online trend of taking perfectly innocent images from children’s
coloring books and altering them, often with impressive artistic prowess, into deeply disturbing
depictions of violence, perversion, and any number of decidedly adult themes.
It’s precisely how incredibly inappropriate the resulting images are for their intended
audience of children that makes corrupting coloring books such a viral success.
Today we’re going to take a magical journey together into one particularly special kids
coloring book and activity set apparently aimed at the budding sociopath. It includes
such enriching activities as a multiple choice quiz on who should live and who should die
based on appearance and assigned value, a hands-on activity of how to properly mutilate
infants, and more than you’d ever care to know about semen.
Oh and one thing – this particular coloring book – which is aimed at children and comes
with the backing of the most trustworthy source for youth enrichment, the United States Government—
hasn’t been altered in the slightest –
Isn’t it nice when someone does the corrupting for you?
Hi it's Emily from Bite Size Vegan and welcome to another vegan nugget. Let’s jump right
in, shall we, and join little Billy in his raucous adventure into the world of pork production.
But don’t worry – we won’t just be exploring the wonders of the Producers, Pigs and Pork
coloring book. Oh no!
Today’s journey’s gonna be far more exciting than that, kiddies. As we go along we’ll
get to enrich our minds with some of the super fun pop quizzes and activities I mentioned.
So have your thinking cap handy for surprise semen facts, and get ready to play god by
deciding who lives and who dies!
So glove on up and let’s go!
Our guide today is Dr. Sarah. She’s a veterinarian. This means she loves animals. That’s nice.
Here’s Mr. Jones who owns the farm. It’s been in his family for over 100 years.
Dr. Sarah makes sure she and Billy cover up. We don’t want to bring in germs that will
make the pigs sick since “producers keep all of their barns clean so the pigs stay
healthy and happy.” [possibly cut to filthy pig conditions?? Not sure still…maybe very
brief with “swine flu” mages too?]
Let’s take a look. “In this barn newborn piglets are kept safe in farrowing stalls
with their mothers. Farrowing stalls protect the piglets from injury,” says Dr. Sarah.
And remember kids, she’s a veterinarian. That means she loves animals!
Oh what’s that noise? That’s right! It’s Pop Quiz Time!
This question come from the Swine Knowledge sheet of the Junior Quizbowl
13. Which swine breed is known for its maternal qualities?
That's right kids! "All the above"
Pigs form incredibly strong bonds with their babies. And farrowing crates ensure that they
can express that bond through the safety of metal bars. Express it without moving. More
of a metaphorical expression.
And not for too long, cause “When piglets are about 3 to 4 weeks old they are removed
from their mother’s milk” so they can grow really big and be ready for market by
the time they are…how old?
That’s right! 5-7 months! And just how big is market-ready you ask? Well, let’s find
out with more mathtastic fun from our pop quiz in Swine Knowledge!!
You just hauled a hog 100 miles to market. At your farm he weighed 240 pounds. How much
would you expect him to weigh when he arrives at the market?
C. 230 pounds!
Cause there’s nothing like spending a few days crammed into a truck that’s basically
a moving oven without any access to food or water to work off those last stubborn 10 pounds!
Still 230 lbs is pretty heavy for how old now, kids?
That’s right! 5-7 months! Their exact age depends on how early they were taken from
their mother
But hey now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves! Way before our 5-month-old new-found-friends
take their final road trip, they were processed as piglets. What is processing you ask? It’s
the term we used for all the things we do for brand-new baby pigs to ensure their health
and safety, including clipping notches in their ears, cutting off their teeth and tails,
and—something extra special for the boy pigs—ripping out their testicles!
And just how old are boys when we slice into their scrotums, kids?
You got it! 3-10 days! That’s why we don’t use any anesthesia. I mean, can you remember
anything from when you were 3-10 days old? And remember, kids, we’re doing this because
we care about their welfare!
…and their taste. But mainly their welfare!
And remember, kids, if any little boy pigs seem to be missing one or more little somethings
before even being processed, be sure to take note! Because the government-backed Pork Board
program will feel it’s age appropriate to ask you—at 12 years or younger—to identify
the formal medical term for undescended testicles while also offering as a red herring, “One/
No Nutter.”
Sorry, I kind of broke with character. Just wanted to remind you. These questions are
written for kids 12 and under. By an agency of the US government. Let’s move on.
Well kids, the fun doesn’t stop with testicle talk! You can also get hands on with this
here ear-notching activity sheet where you get to learn what each lite slice into a baby
pig’s ear means!
And even though we do all of these things to keep the pigs super-healthy, with veterinarians
like Dr. Sarah looking out for their best interest, if one gets too sick, we have a
way to take care of that too! Say it with me now…
"Culling!"
That’s right! [12…and..under]
Which brings us to our super fun interactive picture game: “Keep or Cull!”
The term gilt means “young female pig.”
Just take a look at each little lady——and write “keep” next to those whose who are
quality enough to live and “cull” next to those who deserve to die! You get four
minutes to make each selection!
Wow! What a great way to enrich our youth!
Let’s check back in with Billy on the farm, who’s learning about how very much pork
producers care about the environment! Finding a place for all the poo their pigs make is
a big way they help the earth! There are a lot of great ways to deal with poo! And pigs!
You can even win money from the government when you present a winning waste management
poo proposal! What fun!
Now that it’s almost time for Billy to leave the farm, he learns that “When pigs leave
the farm, they go to a plant where they become food such as pork chops, ham, sausage and
bacon.”
Because you see kids, while it’s apparently completely appropriate to ask you 12-and-unders
explicit questions about the duration and onset of estrus, the current asking price
for a dose of semen, and signs of heat in sows including mounting behaviors and vulvar
swelling, all preparing you for the higher level senior semen knowledge multiple choice
and matching activity—it’s unacceptable in the government’s eyes to actually name,
much less show, what happens to these pigs when they “become” the meat we eat.
Because you’re old enough to choose who to keep and who to kill, but not to see the
actual outcome beyond your multiple choice answer.
You see, what matters is that “people like you and your family get to enjoy the safe,
healthy and delicious food” that comes from friendly pork producers like Farmer John.
Now. Didn’t we all learn something special today?
This astoundingly inappropriate adventure was brought to you by the Pork Checkoff program
of the National Pork Board, itself overseen by the United States Department of Agriculture.
And the eye-opening video analysis you’ve just so thoroughly enjoyed was made possible
by the Bite Size Vegan Nugget Army on Patreon, whose support allows me to put in the long
hours required to bring you this free educational resource!
If you want to help Bite Size Vegan spread truth through accessible education, check
out the support links in the video description below or click the link in the sidebar
See the videos linked here and below for educational content actually appropriate for kids, to
learn how pigs are really treated, and to encounter more unbelievably blatant propaganda.
If you enjoyed learning alone with Billy give the video a like and share it around to expose
the perversities of government-backed industry propaganda, and subscribe to the channel for
more truth every Monday, Wednesday, and some Fridays. Now go live vegan, study up for the
senior semen knowledge quizbowl, and I’ll see you soon.