We’re standing by today to hear the International Association of Animal
Scientists' dramatic findings on human intelligence.
I’m told they will be starting now.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen and thank you for joining
us today to discuss our findings regarding human intelligence.
We begin today with Doctor
Mantis Shrimp’s vision tests.
Doctor?
Yes, thank you.
The aim of our testing was to ascertain the
human’s capacity to understand this sign.
As you can all plainly see, we used some ultraviolet paint to indicate
that food was located behind this sign.
[Dr. Nutcracker] Yes
[Dr. Honeybee] It’s beautiful, if a little obvious
Quite.
As you can see from our video, however, the human took no
interest.
As you can see in the video I come out in an attempt to direct the
poor simple creature’s attention to the sign.
Alas, I may have botched the experiment because the human
took no notice to the sign and instead fixated on me.
It also did a peculiar thing where the creature
kept surfacing.
No doubt because of a short attention span but further
study is required.
[Dr. Honeybee] Hmmm... interesting stuff.
My team and I attempted to guage the human’s capacity for memory.
As you are all surely aware, my
compatriots and I can recall the location of 33,000 food caches.
In our study we observed this peculiar
behavior.
Can’t...find... them...right here? Ugh!
Honey, have you seen my keys?
[Offscreen person] Did you check the coffee table?
YES! That’s where I started!
As you can see the human can’t find even one object on which they have
placed a lot of importance.
We then observed this further perplexing
behavior:
OH MY GOSH!
They were in my pocket the whole time!
Now where did I put the phone?
This is not a good sign for human memory.
It’s a wonder how they ever survived at all!
Yes.
And much in the same vein as the both of you testing human
intelligence as it relates to finding and keeping food, I
attempted to communicate with a human.
[Dr. Mantis Shrimp] (exasperated) Good luck...
[Dr. Nutcracker] Oh, my!
Well show us your findings!
Gladly, if you will refer to the video
Oh, hello mr. bee.
Don’t worry, I wont get too close.
Do you need water?
Now that I was certain that I had their attention I began to attempt
communication.
I used a basic thorax waggle dance to direct the
human towards nectar rich flowers directly behind them.
Oh, buddy.
You’re going around in circles.
Here you go!
Drink up!
As you can see, the human mistook this for the ‘direct me to water’
dance.
frustrated, I began more exaggerated butt waggles
Oh no!
Are you okay?
Growing more frustrated I called a small swarm to try to guide the
human to the flowers.
We had... mixed results.
AHHHH! STAY AWAY!!! I’M ALLERGIC TO BEES!
We believed, momentarily, that we had some success...
But that was short lived.
Thank you doctor.
Well, all this is very telling stuff.
I think we can safely come to the conclusion that
humans are unintelligent creatures in need of our hel-!
[Zookeeper] What are you guys doing out?
[Dr. Nutcracker] The Zookeeper!
UNHAND ME THIS INSTANT YOU BRUTE!
[Zookeeper] You must be so hungry and scared.
Let’s get you home.
[Dr. Nutcracker] THE INTERNATIONAL SCIENCE COMMUNITY
WILL HEAR OF THIS!...
Oh... well...
Where did I leave those seeds?
Thanks to John Wallace, who wrote the amazing screenplay for this animation.
He's a UCB-trained comedy writer and he was great to work with!
You should DEFINITELY hire him to write for you!
His contact information is in the description.
If you laughed today, you should subscribe.
Or watch some other fun videos on this channel.