Unknown Speaker 0:00 I love bombing Ooh, sounds innocent enough.
Unknown Speaker 0:10 Yeah, sounds pretty fun and peaceful
Unknown Speaker 0:12 kind of cute.
I love I get love bombed by these guys no problem.
But it is not actually so cute.
In reality it is a tactic that is used by abusers and narcissists, and can be extremely
harmful.
So today we are talking about what love bombing actually is, how you can identify it and some
steps that you can take to prevent it.
But before we get into all of that we first want to hear from you is love bombing a term
that you've heard before?
Let us know in the comments.
Or if you've experienced it personally, I think it's really important for us to start
talking about it more openly.
So let us know if it's something that you've been through.
Unknown Speaker 0:48 Well, if you're brand new to our channel,
first, we just want to say hi, we're Vanessa and Xander Morin.
Vanessa, here is a sex therapist.
I'm a regular dude.
And we've been together for 14 years.
Also these cute faces.
To the side are our pugs, Maddie and Winston.
Unknown Speaker 1:04 And our account is all about giving you the
tools, tips and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship
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Unknown Speaker 1:17 Alright, so first, what exactly is love bombing?
So really what love bombing is it is giving excessive flattery, attention, affection,
adoration to somebody that you've just met or just struck up a relationship with.
So typically this is done really, really quickly, kind of like over the top quickly, like within
the first couple days of meeting or the first few weeks of your relationship, like really
hot and heavy.
Unknown Speaker 1:44 Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of us have this
idea that when we find the right person, it will move quickly.
Yeah, it'll be like a fairy tale.
Yeah, but love bombing, you'll have this sense of like, this is really a lot really quickly,
like it's going to likely set off some alarm bells for you.
So let's talk about like, what is the purpose of this?
Why is this person bombing you?
Unknown Speaker 2:04 Yes.
Why?
And why is it a problem?
Because some of those things on their own sound kind of nice, right?
Like, you might be looking for that.
Unknown Speaker 2:11 Yeah.
Okay, so the purpose of love bombing is actually a lot more nefarious than it might sound like.
So what somebody's trying to do in their love bombing you is make you feel indebted to them
overly attached to them or even obligated to them.
So they're kind of creating this whole narrative for you.
Like, they want you to believe that your whole world is all about them.
And maybe they're the only person that you can trust the only person who really sees
you or loves you.
They want to do this so that they can ultimately control you.
So really going over the top like this and making you feel like nobody has ever treated
me like this before.
Like that is a purposeful thing.
Alright, so
Unknown Speaker 2:52 let's get some real life examples of what
love bombing might look like.
So it could be showing really intense emotions really quickly, like, you know, first week
of meeting someone, you're like, oh my god, I think we're soulmates.
Or it can be really excessive gifts or spoiling of your partner.
So if you're feeling like, oh my god, this person is giving me all these gifts, like
really fast.
Nobody's ever done this.
To me, that can be a sign of love bombing.
Because all in all, when someone is love bombing you you can really feel overcome or overwhelmed
with feelings of attraction.
And it can make it really difficult to see some of the red flags or the warning signs
because, you know, you're like, Oh my God, this person really cares about me.
They're giving me so many things.
Nobody has ever done this before.
Unknown Speaker 3:38 Yeah, another thing might be if they just
want to spend all their time with you, they want to be together, like every waking moment.
What they actually might be doing in that moment is isolating you from your friends
and family so that they can have more control over you.
Another thing can be constantly checking in on you.
What are you doing?
Where are you?
Who are you with?
So again, this is a way to control you.
They're trying to normalize being overly informed about everything that's going on in your life.
Unknown Speaker 4:03 Alright, so what happens when someone has
started to love bomb you or you're in the midst of a love bombing?
So what typically happens is the love bomber starts to withdraw once you become super attached
to them.
So they start out really hot and heavy, they make you feel like you kind of owe them something,
you gotta catch up with your affection.
And then once you do, they flip the switch and all of a sudden, they might start gaslighting
you, they might start insulting you, or invalidating you, but by then you've kind of already been
hooked in and you're feeling like oh, well, this person is so nice.
I know how nice they can be that you don't really notice the negative impacts of the
things that they start doing.
Unknown Speaker 4:43 Exactly.
So it's like you don't notice the red flags or even if you do you're already have so many
positive associations with them that you might feel like you can kind of write off what they
did.
It's easier to like defend their actions or say Oh, well that's not really who they are.
Unknown Speaker 4:56 What they are.
They were so they've been so nice to me like this muscle Just be a fluke or like you like,
oh, it was because they had a bad day.
Unknown Speaker 5:04 Exactly.
And this can really start a cycle of abuse.
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 5:06 So the bottom line with all this is that love
bombing, it sounds really innocent.
Each of the individual things at the beginning kind of sound good on their own.
But the reality is, it is a form of emotional abuse, especially when you kind of play out
the whole sequence of events that tends to occur.
Unknown Speaker 5:23 Okay, so what if you do if you're realizing
Holy crap, I think I'm in the middle of being loved bombed.
So this can obviously be a complex situation.
And we definitely want to encourage you to see a therapist so that you have some additional
support to figure out what to do in that moment.
And really what's going to be saved for you in that moment.
But the bottom line is that you're going to want to find a way to distance yourself from
this person and cut them out of your life.
So again, therapy can be really beneficial for this, but we also want to encourage you
not to beat yourself up for this like this is a very stealthy tactic and a lot of people
who are very intelligent kind you know, wonderful people have fallen for being loved, bombed,
so please don't feel ashamed about it.
And don't let that shame keep you in the relationship with this person.
You really need to find a way to get out of it.
Alright, so that wraps up our video on love bombing.
Unknown Speaker 6:10 If you liked this video, please give it a
light.
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See you next time.