Are you dating a man you like, but you’re not entirely sure of how he feels, or what
he wants from you?
That’s right, you are getting mixed messages from him and it’s really frustrating. in
this video, you will learn how to handle his mixed messages and you will learn the one
switch you must make to ensure that you have the happy and healthy relationship you deserve.
Don’t go anywhere because we are starting in 3 seconds.
hi everyone.
I’m dr Antonio Borrello, Welcome to another video.
This channel is all about helping you build great relationships so you can grow happy
with the people you love.
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anything.
Ok.
On to dating a person who gives you mixed messages.
If I’d said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times….
Dating is hard.
What was once synonymous with courtship OR the process of getting married has become
a confusing and often frustrating grey area between the first date and a committed relationship
that might never happen.
And it’s even worse when you’re Dating a man who is giving you mixed messages.
In other words, he wants to hang out and date you like a boyfriend but you never really
know where you stand..
Sometimes you think he likes you..
other times you’re not so sure….
It’s like he wants all of the benefits of a relationship, but without any commitment
or future plans.
He wants to behave as if you’re a couple yet keep his options open and maintain the
freedom that comes with the single status.
Look It’s okay to be casually dating with no commitment if that’s what you want at
the moment.
Nothing is wrong with enjoying someone’s company and taking things slowly until you
want to give them more.
But if you are looking for a relationship and a partner.. this arrangement will leave
you frustrated and always questioning what’s going on.
It’s like you are stuck in a situation where you’re hanging on to hope of something more
developing, but you aren’t sure.
Being in this place when you want a full relationship is not a fun.
That’s because these mixed messages will have you feeling insecure and hyper focused
on what he is feeling.
It keeps you worried that he might not feel the same way about you and all the while,
your feelings grow stronger.
And not handling this situation the right way can lead to huge problems down the road.
It gets people caught up in the wrong relationships that fall apart because the couple is no longer
in love, or they realize they are incompatible.
That’s because you’re always feeling Kinda insecure.. wondering and hoping if he’s
going to call and make plans… and analyzing and rethinking so many of the interactions
you shared… and the things you said.
It’s a very different position from knowing that he wants you and wants to be in a committed
relationship.
See when both partners approach a relationship from the same position.. an equal position
where you are both seeking the same goals, you spend time considering your compatibility
and whether or not you want this person..
As opposed to the constant burden of wondering what he wants or how he’s feeling.
when you are getting mixed messages, you are more likely to be focused on whether or not
he will like you.. and that is an uncomfortable and insecure position to be in.
And when you are worried about whether or not he want’s you, you’re less likely
to focus on something even more important…
DO YOU LIKE HIM?
ARE YOU Compatible with him?
Starting a relationship from this position makes it more likely that insecurity will
motivate the way you interact with him.
When we feel like we might not be good enough, we are much more likely to be “on our best
behavior” and create the personality we think is most compatible with the other person.
I’ve known many men and woman that have had this experience…
rather than acknowledge their feelings of inferiority, they become an actor and play
the part of the “perfect girlfriend”. they try make themselves the person they think
would be most impressive to their new partner and win them over.
They are super agreeable… and go along with all of their partner’s plans for activities,
music choices, places to dine… people to hang out with.
They do this because they believe that people will like you more if you always agree to
their ideas or activity choices.
The problem is that it doesn’t work….. wait.. it doesn’t work for long… it requires
you to constantly self-observe and be on your “best behavior” for prolonged periods
of time.
Engaging in such behavior is incredibly stressful and eventually causes feelings of resentment,
depression, or anger towards the partner and oneself.
That’s because people overestimate their ability to maintain this façade.. within
months, they tire of being this Perfect person and enjoying everything their partner enjoys.
And then boom.. all of a sudden you wake up realizing you aren’t happy and you want
your old life back….
So, how do you handle this
Well, in the beginning, you must recognize and accept the fact that you’re feeling
a bit insecure with this new situation.
Pay attention to your innervoice.. your gut instincts.. note what you’re thinking about
so much.. are you thinking about how compatible you are.. are you thinking about how great
your conversations were, or are you constantly wondering how he’s feeling.. if he’s into
you or not?
IF that’s the case, you need to change what you’re focusing on…
And eventually you’ll have to engage in the “what are we” conversation.
Often This conversation is met with..
I don’t want to be in a relationship…
I don’t want a commitment at this time, why do we need labels… ya know.. you’ve
probably heard all of the excuses So now what… you like this person and you
have a great time together, you’re acting like a couple, but they don’t want a commitment?
What do you do?
I can tell you..
that’s when it hurts the most… it sucks and you may want to tell him off.. or block
him and never look back…
But that would be a bad idea … what if he really is just a bit worried and
doesn’t want to make another mistake.. what if he just needs a little more time.. telling
him off would certainly damage the relationship and might result in you losing him forever.
And Do not fool yourself into thinking that you can continue dating and seeing each other
while waiting on him to make the decision.
If you continue to see him you’re letting him know that it’s OK to continue casually
dating and you’re letting him know that he doesn’t have to make any type of decision.
This lowers your value and shows that you care about his feelings maybe more than your
own.
Don’t do it... don’t fool yourself into believing you can wait it out and that things
will work out.
Btw, I’m interested in know if you’ve been in this situation..
How did you handle it?
Leave a comment explaining a similar situation for a chance to win another $50 Amazon gift
card.
Just make sure you’re a subscriber, give this video a thumbs up, and leave a comment
and let’s start a discussion.
That’s all you have to do.
OK.. so how should you handle this situation?
Instead, start by keeping your head up… let him know that you understand that he is
unsure or confused… and that like you, he deserves to be in the happiest and best relationship
for him..
let him know that is super important to you… and then let him know of a solution that might
really help him… and that is that he needs to take some time and be alone
so he can figure it out.. yes.. you are the one who suggests to him
that he needs time away to figure it out… because again… everyone deserves to be happy
and to be with the person they are 100% sure of.. and committed to that relationship.
When you tell him that….. in the nicest most sincere way possible, you are letting
him know that you want him to be happy… and you want him to figure it out.. you’re
also telling him that this situation isn’t meeting your needs… because you need someone
who is all in and sure.
So, In the meantime, you’re going to continue to date because you want a relationship…
and when he figures it out.. maybe you’ll still be available.. maybe.
Lol.
Maybe you’ll be in a relationship.. maybe you’ll be married.
When you handle the conversation in This manner, you are conveying the following messages to
him.
First, you’re letting him know that you care about his well-being and want The best
for him, even if that doesn’t include you.
You’re also letting him know that you are not willing to tolerate or except anything
less than 100% from a person.
You’re letting him know that you deserve more and that you you are showing love for
yourself and will not except less than you deserve.
And lastly you showing him that you have the confidence that you will find what you were
looking for and despite being disappointed you know that this is the right thing to do.
You’re also letting him know that your life doesn’t stop as you wait around for him
to figure it out.
And yeah, Doing nothing is not an option.
And I know the thought of having that conversation is terrifying to many of you because you are
afraid that he will just move on without you, right?
If that is the case, the most important thing you must do... is to overcome your fear of
rejection and the relationship ending.
You’ve got to be willing to walk away with your head held up high.
You’ve got to be committed to walking away as difficult and scary as that may seem.
That’s the only way he’s going to recognize that he must make a decision or risk losing
you.
And when you are overcome your fear of rejection.. when you overcome your fear of the relationship
ending, then you approach finding a relationship from a position of strength rather than insecurity.
When you are not afraid of being single, you seek romantic relationships as a means to
add something valuable to their lives.
And couples who enter relationships in this manner are the people who are the happiest.
So, Be OK with the possibility that the relationship (or situationship) might end.
And if it does end, you will focus on you.. and enjoying your life where it is now.
Take advantage of this time; you never know how long it will last.
Appreciate and nurture your relationship with yourself.
Get to know yourself on a deep level.
Many people have a tendency to lose themselves in relationships.
They start doing everything their partner does, or they change themselves in order for
their partner to like them.
Now is your chance to truly get to know yourself—the real you.
And develop the self-love that will ensure you develop healthy relationships.
And like any meaningful relationship, becoming your own best friend and experiencing greater
self-love isn’t going to happen overnight.
Instead, your relationship grows as a result of quality time in reflection and being honest
with yourself.
Give yourself 10-15 minutes of solitude everyday where you simply think about yourself and
your life.
When you feel better about yourself, you attract more people.
And, of course, feel free to tell them to set you up!
Look, if a relationship is meant to be… if he is the person for you, if you are really
that compatible, then implementing these suggestions will certainly bring him to wanting a commitment
with you.
That’s for sure…
But if it’s not right… if he’s not the right one for you, if there are too many differences,
or if he’s not the committing type… nothing you can do will change that outcome… it
just wont work… and that’s ok.
If For whatever reason, you were not right for someone else.
That decision is up to them.
It is easy to get hung up on the “whys” behind their decision, but dwelling on them
doesn’t change the reality.
If you aren’t right for someone else, That MEANS they aren’t right for you.
Move on and let them go.
And Do not use the experience as proof that you aren’t good enough.
Meeting a person that’s not right for you.. a person that is not a good match is not a
reflection on you period.
So, are you interested in knowing what an amazing relationship looks like?
Check out this video on the signs that you’ve met your match… signs that you’ve met
the one.
I’ll see you in that video.