Whooh! In this video I'm going to be sharing eight behaviors that even shocked me
that men complain about behind women's backs. You're
going to know what they talk about when you're not in the room. And number six and seven
I think are especially surprising. Oh, don't forget to download the 12 Texts To Make Him
Yours absolutely free. And grab the first chapter of my book also free from the description
and I'll see you right after this.
[Music]
Now, the truth is, we'd all like to be a fly on the wall for the other gender's
conversations, but it's very rare we got the opportunity.
Let's dive straight into them today. What are the things that men rightly or wrongly
complain about behind your back? And I might even get to give my thoughts on each one as
we go.
Number one, men complain about women who are always down on themselves.
Again and again, I've found in these interviews, and you'll
see this in a couple of points, that men found complaints, especially with girlfriends who
were consistently negative or down on themselves and struggled to see their own value. A common
theme was that these men felt like they needed to fix the problem. Men are naturally fixers
and when we hear a problem, we start thinking more, how can I help? How can I serve you?
How can I fix this? Even though that's often
not what is needed in this situation, and the average guy found this frustrating. He
said, "this is a complaint that I have that when my girlfriend, my partner is down on
herself, and when it happens consistently and when I can't help, I feel like a bad boyfriend."
In fact, men complained about this so much. It reminded me of how women complain about
a guy that's too nice or too soft behind the scenes. It's not that he's a bad person or
she's a bad person. It's that it would be so nice if that person stepped up, had boundaries,
saw their value and treated themselves well.
Men were finding this energy contagious that
when they filed to help their go friends feel better, which even though they might know
logically isn't their responsibility, they found that that negative energy was contagious.
It affected the people around them. It affected
their days, and it meant that they struggled to have good days after it. Men complaining
about women who were down on themselves was essentially the equivalent to women who were
complaining about guys with the Nice Guy syndrome.
Number two, men complain about women who ghost
or make up excuses as to why they can't hang out. Now, my immediate thought when I heard
this was, "well, that's the number one complaint I hear from women as well." So I think it's
important to note with this one that this isn't a complaint with a lot of gender specificity.
We are living in a society now where ghosting has become the norm. In fact, we're all so
bad at having confrontational conversations, at delivering and receiving rejection, at
using apps as crutches to meet people that many of us are resulting to ghosting or simply
making up excuses as why we don't want to hang out with someone.
It's beautiful and empathic that you don't
want to hurt someone's feelings, but sometimes feelings need to be hurt to reveal truths
while you can't get back to every guy and while every guy can't get back to you online,
it's important to recognize that when you've paid the attention to someone, especially
when you've hung out with them, that person deserves at minimum a text, but really a phone
call to say, "Hey, I'm actually not feeling it." Beyond that guys and girls don't feel
the need to explain yourself, but again and again, this complaint about women and men
as well, to be fair, who make up reasons why they can't hang out, who are obviously making
excuses or who are ghosting is one of the most frustrating complaints that men and women
have.
Number three, men complain about women who
are on the phone too much. This one I found very common. And this one was one that came
up again and again from guys who are on dates. And they say there's nothing worse than when
the goal is distracted, her attention's away when she's listening and when she's responding
to messages and is not present with me there. Now, to be fair, we've all been in this and
it sucks just as much for you to have a guy who's on the phone and distracted as it does
for men with women. But I was curious, so I did a little bit of research to figure out
who was more guilty of this. And it turns out that in fact, on average, women do spend
33 minutes per day more on the phone than do men and for women under 24, that difference
is 50 minutes. The average woman under 24 spends 50 minutes more on her phone per day
then do men. So this is the bigger complaint for the guys than it is for the girls. It's
something we all need to remember when you're on a date, when you present with someone,
get off your damn phone.
Mark: So, yeah, I was at work last week, and this
Labrador came here and I was like, there's something going on with this dog. Like it
just, she wasn't that unwell, but like something who was a bit ... you okay?
Jermia: Yeah, yeah. No, I'm listening.
Mark: Yeah was something, it was like a little bit
bloated and I was like, Oh, it's, sometimes as a vet, you just get this gut feel like
a certain patient just like...
Jermia: Yeah, yeah,
Mark: Everything alright?
Jermia: Yeah.
Mark: What's going on?
Jermia: No, no. I just think I got a message from
my friend Matt. He just sent me like a dolphin. He's crazy. Why the dophin?!
Number four men complain about women who act
entitled on dates. Entitlement is not sexy no matter who you are. And for men, a complaint
that came up again and again, was for women who seem to act entitled on date. Men reported
again and again feeling frustrated when the woman they were with seem to act entitled
to either their company, to payment, or to some other right that made the guy feel like
he was below her. Now, entitlement is not sexy. Like I say, no matter who you are, if
you've ever experienced a guy who felt like or acted like he was entitled to sex because
he took you on a date, then you've experienced what a turnoff entitlement is as well. If
you're acting like this on a date,
Jermia: So I went on a date with this guy the other
week. It was the worst thing. I couldn't even believe it. He took us to this place. It looked
like four star restaurant. I was like, uh, what do you think you're doing? But I just
drank heaps of wine to make up for it.
Then, dial it back. One of the best ways to do this
is by offering to pay, but it doesn't have to be. A simple, genuine show of gratefulness
and appreciation for his company and his time, especially if he does pay with, pay for you.
It goes a long way to demonstrating you're not entitled.
Number five. Men complained about women who
they felt hid behind makeup. This was an interesting one, and a couple of guys said this on the
interviews is that they took a woman home and when they woke up, found that she'd already
gotten up before them to put her makeup on. The guys didn't feel like she was doing this
because she loved makeup and wanting to express herself. The men felt that she was doing this
from a place of insecurity and her not wanting to be seen without makeup on. The extra interesting
thing was the guys already saw her without makeup on.
"Cause I got to go to the bathroom and got
up to go to the bathroom at night and I know she's beautiful without it." And he said, "it
made me kind of sad" and he even said, "I hate to admit it, but less attracted to her and
less respectful of her because she didn't just let me see her in her true natural beauty."
I can actually relate to this one personally. I had an ex, a partner who was a lovely partner
in many ways, but she was always self conscious about her skin. I honestly never noticed it.
I legitimately never noticed that. I thought her skin was amazing, but she was very, very
self conscious about it and I remember telling her as much and we'd have minor things over,
Hey, I think you're great with that. And she always felt like she needed to be wearing
something. She is of course, loved her for wearing whatever she wanted to, but I do remember
that the one complaint I had about her, and she was a great girlfriend, but I do remember
the one complaint I had was I'd love to just see more of her in her natural beauty.
Jermia: It's not, Oh God, I feel like a troll. I don't
know what the point is like I just like,
Mark: Babe, you look beautiful.
look at this. My eyes are sore. What is that
like? Did a toddler do this? I look like an idiot. I don't even want to go.
What do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts
in the comments on this one in particular, post them below.
Number six. I told you you'd find these interesting
men complained about women who did not have good hygiene down there. Now, men talk about
vaginas a lot. Go figure. In the same way you talk about penises, don't pretend like
you don't. To be honest, the vast majority of comments about vaginas from men, go figure
were very positive, but the ones that weren't the complaints men had about hygiene specifically
about smell, where the comments that men didn't want to talk about to you.
Number seven, men complain about women who
constantly compare themselves to other women, especially on social media. Lots of men, especially
men under 30 reported this and I found it fascinating and it fitted in with the phone
usage conversation that we had for number three.
Men don't want to see you comparing yourself,
especially negatively to other women on the internet. We want to see you and your light.
We want to see you and your confidence and to be fair, we all compare ourselves at times.
I know I have, you have, we've all been guilty of it. But when it's happening consistently,
that is a complaint that was coming up again and again for men. So do everything within
your power to run your own race and don't compare yourself to other women. And same
goes for you guys on social media because it is going to be something the other gender
complains about.
Number eight, men complain about women who
overreact to his interactions with other women. So this is a big one that came up. And to
be honest, I wasn't surprised because I've heard men always complain about this behavior,
but what I was curious about was how legitimate it was.
There are certainly times, and I'm sure you
can relate when maybe you've been with a man or you've had a partner who has had insecurities
about you talking to other men and you know it was innocent and he's causing a big fast
when you know there was absolutely nothing to it. But there's also other times where
women's intuitions are very spot on and where the man has in fact been called out and he
is being a little bit emotionally dodgy and the woman sensed it and then he's going off
complaining to his buddies trying to act like the good guy. It's really the difference between
this.
Mark: Bro women are so insecure. Like my missus
giving me sh*t. She's like, why are you messaging these girls on Snapchat? I'm like, I didn't
even send them a d*ck pic this time. What are you complaining about? So insecure.
Matt: Ah.. they're all the same.
As opposed to something like this.
How's this, bro, you think that one's bad?
I was at [inaudible] party the other night, just having fun. Cousin Jade comes over, right?
You've met Jade once or twice. She's really cool. We're having a laugh. The girlfriend
comes over, starts a huge fight cause she didn't know that Jade was my cousin. I'm like,
I'm literally in trouble for flirting with my cousin.
And in fact, one of my favorite things in
coaching is helping women decipher between the two. What is your shit? What is your insecurities,
your responsibility to resolve versus what is you being spot on with your intuition and
it's actually his shit. And you've got to have more confidence in yourself to know that
you've got it right. If you do want to work with me, or if you just wanna grab my book,
don't forget, you can do that now. Making Him Yours Beating The Odds Of Modern Dating
is on Amazon. Don't forget your free downloads, the 12 Texts To Make Him Yours is also available
in the description. And leave your comment. Leave your comment below. What are things
that men do that you hate?
Thanks again for watching. Hit the subscribe
button with the little bell, so you get the notifications. I'll see you in the next video
real soon.
Mark: I should put them...
Jermia: Quick, quick, quick before it rains. Okay.
Quick. Are you ready? Roll quick. It's raining Matt, we gotta go. Okay.
Jermia: So I went on a date with this guy and it was
raining and he didn't even say anything, I just sat there in the rain getting wet. He
just let it happen. Bye.
Jermia: Mark, it's raining.
Mark: Ah, the sound of silence.
Mark: I'm like, I'm literally in trouble for flirting
with my cousin.
Matt: That's not something you want to be known for.
Jermia: What?
Jermia: Sorry. What? What?
Mark: No, just saying this dog at work came in, and I was like [sneeze]
Jermia: Are you OK?
Mark: Yeah, I should probably say that. Is everything...
Oh yeah, yeah it was just my friend. She like bought a new whistle.