Who could eat a piece of cheesecake this big?
Shouldn't there be a law that says my dessert
can't weigh more than me?
I know, might as well tie a knot around two kangaroos,
know what I'm saying?
No.
No, Reuben, I don't know what you're saying.
Pretty much nobody ever knows what you're saying.
Know what I'm saying?
All right, let's be cool.
Yeah, Sam, you don't need bubble wrap
to know when it's chowder time.
Yes, that is so true!
And you know what else is true?
I'm sitting here eating cheesecake
with an Australian Eskimo who's got ointment
all over his bumbleberry.
Oh, I can't believe you just said that!
[crying]
What'd you say?
I don't know, but I'm glad I said it.
Yes, can I help you?
Uh, I said I wanted hot sauce
and there wasn't no hot sauce on my tray.
Sorry.
Here's some hot sauce.
You should have put it on my tray in the first place.
You know where I wanna put it right now?!
You watch your mouth!
You watch your mouth before I put my fist in it!
Hey, hey, hey!
You say you're sorry to the customer.
- But, he-- - Apologize.
I'm so very sorry.
[blows a raspberry]
[screaming]
So how's your paella?
Mine's delicious. [laughs]
- Nora? - Hi, guys.
What a coincidence.
Oh, I love this place.
It's so romantic.
Are you here with anybody?
No. Should I join you?
Mmh! Oh!
Why can't I marry this pie?
All I want out of life is to be Mrs. Sam This Pie.
I wanna stick my whole face in a Galini pie and go,
"Brlbrlbrlbrl!"
I gotta get some to take home.
Yo, Mario.
Hey, Spencer. What can I get you, huh?
I gotta have a couple coconut cream pies to go.
So you didn't get anything for coming in second?
No, I did. They give me a jacket,
and a gift certificate to B.F. Wangs.
Oh... I love their cashew chicken.
- Oh, yeah, me too. - Yeah, it's great... chicken.
How come you're all sweaty?
Because I had to lug this thing all the way up here.
It's weird, it's lot heavier than I thought it would be.
I'm going to go to the Armenian bakery across the street.
Why?
For some lahmajoun. Wanna come?
- What's lahmajoun? - Some kind of food.
I'll pass.
Not a very fun dance, was it?
Nope.
[melancholic music playing]
What?
Don't you think we both deserve one nice dance tonight,
with a person we don't want to kill?
Absolutely.
Hey, T-Bo.
Turn up the music?
[music gets louder]
Oh, hey, Carly. You mind flipping off my system manager?
They can't fire you.
Oh, Griffin's over there.
How'd you know that was him?
He looks like the kind of guy who used to wear
his backpack with one strap.
Ooh, you trying to strap him back on?
Your euphemisms confuse me, but maybe.
- Hey, Carly, over here. - Oh, hey, Griffin.
You look amazing. How are you?
I'm great. How are you?
Are you leaning more towards stealing motorcycles
or temperature-controlling stuffed animals?
Oh, my Pee Wee Baby days are long gone.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah.
Carly! Where's Carly?
- Groovy Smoothie. - Ooh!
Text her and tell her to bring me a corn dog.
- They don't sell corn dogs. - I know, she'll be so confused.
Anyway... So get this,
I was just at Hey Food buying groceries.
and as I'm coming out, I meet this woman, this, like,
totally super hot woman wearing a sweater.
So I start flirting her up, right?
- Sure. - And I say,
"Yo, let's go grab a doughnut." And she goes, "Okay."
So I took her to that religious doughnut shop around the corner.
- Julio's? - No, Amazing Glaze.
Who would like a super special after-web show snack?
What sort of snackage are we talking about here?
We're talking about
a tray of red velvet cupcakes with cream filling.
- Whoa! - Ooh...!
- From Cupcake Jake's? - Yeah.
Cupcake for you, cupcake for Sam, cupcake for me.
[in unison] Mmh...
- Awesome hot dog. - Mmh, oh, yeah!
Honking for Robin's Wieners!
[honking] Whoo! Whoo, whoo, whoo!
All right, birthday girl, it's almost 6:30
and we've got seven o'clock reservations at Petrosini's!
- Ooh! - Petrosini's!
So why don't you run upstairs
and grab a jacket and we'll head on out?
Well, I'm already wearing a jacket.
Go get a different jacket, or no birthday dinner.
So I was going to tell you--
Here is our Bavarian goat whey,
fermented at an altitude of just under ten thousand feet.
Enjoy.
If you get a chunk, that's consider good luck.
Bottoms up.
Mmh, mmh...
Guess I got lucky.
So, the thing I was gonna tell you--
[gargling]
I'll wait.
We don't have time for this.
There's always time for soup.
Welcome to Inside-Out-Burger.
Would you like to try our new Southwestern Combo?
Who said that?
- It was the drive-thru guy. - Oh.
French fries!
What kind of soup do you have?
They don't have soup.
Uh, I think I'll have the chicken soup.
We don't have soup.
Who said that?
The drive-thru guy!
French fries!
Okay, so that's two large french fries.
Yay!
Wow, that's a lot of Parmesan.
What are you, the cheese keeper?
No, I'm just saying the lasagna here is amazing,
so I don't think you need to shovel nine pounds of Parmesan--
Oh, it's okay, Freddie,
you don't have to pay for the Parmesan.
It's not about the money.
Then will you stop criticizing every single thing...
[both] Carly?
Sam told me the cops found your TV and computer.
Yeah, they sent us pictures.
See? There's our TV.
They found it in a dumpster behind El Taco Guapo
Ah...
Who's that guy sleeping next to it?
I don't know, just some dude.
Another lonely lady?
I mean, I'm alone, but I'm not lonely.
Sure, I got ditched on my girl's trip
because I brought my best guy friend
and apparently he brought his A-game--
No, that's the name of your drink.
Do you want another lonely lady?
Oh...
Yes, please.
What can I get you guys?
[both] I'll--
Bring 'em the spaghetti carbonara
and a side of garlic bread.
Lemonade? Do you like lemonade?
- Sounds good. - Sure.
- Two lemonades. - Coming up.
I can't believe you opened a restaurant in our school.
Believe it, 'cause you are sitting in it.
You are sitting in my dream.
And you're not scared you're gonna get busted?
No way. I only let cool people in here.
Friends of ours, eh?
You guys know who loves to talk about politics?
- Tell us. - Old Man Belly Button!
- Who's that? - I'll introduce you to him.
Oh...!
I'll tell you about politics!
Oh, oh...!
But first, I think I'm going to sneeze.
[imitates sneezing]
Now watch, I can make him gag.
[gagging]
Everything looks so good.
Really, how can you tell? There's no pictures.
Whoa, can you read minds?
No, I can just... read.
[laughs]
Harper said you guys met at the gym.
Do you work out at Purple Thesis too?
Yeah, I go Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.
But sometimes, I go Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday...
and Sunday, 'cause, you know...
diversity.
Got it.
So have you decided on what you're gonna eat?
Uh, hello? There's no pictures.
Wow, you're a really bad listener.
[groaning]
Did you get my medicine?
Not yet. I was on my way to the drug store,
but then I stopped off at Tubba Chicken.
Why did you stop there?
For a tub of chicken.
[groans] Oh...!