Hello, everybody my name is Markiplier!
Have you ever been working one day and you wanted to look up gratuitous amounts of porn?
Well now you can simulate it because
what is give video games but the thing that can make you sim--
Hang on! I gotta put on my smartness ***** and *****
Let me just, pull off my old ****
OW! My ***** and ****!
No, don't... that's not a good joke...
Oh, yes. Hello, hi.
How's it going?
Have you ever been working at an office and one day you wanted to--
look up porn?
What?
Hi.
How's it goin'?
It's me.
Markiplier.
Welcome to this game.
Where am I going?
Away from this bullshit video!
Haha! Goodbye!
God, this is the worst intro I've ever done....
Ignore all the insanity you just saw...
Welcome to "NSFW!"
A game where you simulate, working.....While not working.
Because not working involves looking up porn.
So that's exactly what we're gonna do, and -- what the hell is the "fun scale?"
*Grumbles* I don't know what any of that means...
What is this? Oooooh!
Equipped? What does that mean that I've got it equipped?
And what is that? A dick flask? And why does it got a plus sign by it, what does that mean?
"Use"
I can't use it!
Email "Welc - " OH a tu-tu-turorial! I'll do this.
"Welcome to 'Ndrey, Sudim, Flare and Wida' Creative Agency.
For your first day with us, please finish all of your training videos."
* Seductive Laughter *
Oh, I'll finish all of my training videos, alright.
"You can do it! Start to be healthy and trust me you can manage the stress in your life. Your only friend, Marcell"
Thanks! As a proud Stefan, I really need that support.
"How to use Cherry"
"Cherry is just like any other computer. Click to get that and click to get this"
Thank IT Department! Go suck ten dicks!
Which is what I'm about to watch!
*Computer mumbling, footsteps*
Right click to work or have fun?
* Porn Music *
*grunts seductively* Oh!
*Porn music continues *
*Grunts* Ohhh!
*Footsteps*
Wh-? Ah, oop-
*Singing* Ah ha, working here! Doing work! Looking at work!
Don't mind my pants being off!
*Music continues* Ah!
*Singing* Hey! Doing work! Love to work! My work is...
* Music continues, Guy walks in *
*Alarm* (Panic ) AH! OH GOD
"We have received a substantial evidence that you have had done unethical act in the company. We hereby declare you 'fired'
Not with love, HR Department"
Well, I can't-
I can't goddamn hear them coming down the street!
Everyone can hear ME cumming down the street!
But they - I can't hear THEM
'Cause too much porn noise.
Alright.
Let's do it!
* Computer mumbling *
Uh huh.
* Computer mumbling *
(Porn music)
*Pervy voice* Oh yeah, that's the stuff...
Agh!
*Singing* A-oh, I'm doing work! Doing work!
Look at you! You're not working. You should do some work. (Music continues)
Ah! Uh, wait...
(Footsteps) Is that him walking away, or is that him coming back?
Because I'm not 100% sure what's what.
(Music continues)
*Pervy voice* Yeah...
Heeeeeeeeeey!
Salutations, fellow employee, I've been doing a proje... *Growls*
Ah!
Okay, that was just him walking away.
Yeah!
Heh
Yeah!
Ha, I had a lot of fun!
Fifty-fifty split on work and fun!
*Awkward Laugher *
*Quietly* What's the point of this?
"Hundred and twenty-four SGD."
I don't know what that means. (Singapore dollars?)
Whooo!
*Laughs* I will spend all my hard earned money on buying more porn! :D
Click the heart? What does that mean?
Alright, "SGD Pizza"
"Good Pizza"
"Shades of Lo-" Ohh. Oh. Whew, woah, WOAH!
Hey "Shades of Love!"
Oh!
Oh, we're gonna get some good pizza!
Oh, hell yeah.
Okay. "Avoid it."
"Let's do it, you can avoid it. Do not repeat your 'old habit.' Your trusty friend, Emily"
Hey! I got a new friend!
Suck on that, Marcel! Eat a dick!
Emily's the new cool one.
Alright, "Dear Stefan, I need you to color the cow I sketched. It is for the strong pill ads. -- Laoshi." Okay!
Ah. yes.
(Porn music) I'll color it, alright...
(Male electronic voice) Oh. Oh baby.
(Female electronic voice) Yeah.
Ah! Hey!
Don't mind the moans! Heh, so many moans in here!
(Music resumes) (Pervy voice) Yeah... look at those moans! Want some pizza, lady?
(Female e-voice) I want pizza! *Mark* Oh you know you do!
(Female e-voice) Unf. *Mark* Oh, hell yeah!
(Male e-voice moaning) (Female e-voice) Oh, baby. *Mark* WOAH! OHH!
(Footsteps) Ahh!
Okay! I... Wow!
I did not know that that was gonna be the thing that that was.
(Music resumes) Oh look at that, that's nice.
* Vocalizes "Stars and Stripes Forever" *
*Singing* Go fuck yourself and go away, I'm looking at more porn!
(Music resumes)
(Male e-voice) Oh, baby. *Mark* Yeah.
(Male e-voice) Oh.
(Female e-voice) Oh. (Male e-voice) Yeah (x3) *Mark* Hells yeah.
Hell yeah.
Heh. Hellllll yeah!
I upgraded my, uh, my porn-lookin'.
Alright, I gotta do this again. But this time, I gotta get way more of the porn-ness.
"Stefan, I hoped you are staying strong. I know that you can stick to the plan. Your strict friend, Icha."
Well! Why don't ya "Icha" my balls! *Laughs*
Okay, I'm sorry. That was a bad one.
*Chuckling* Every- that was the-
Every other joke I made this "Let's Play" was great!
THAT one was bad!
I'm sorry, THAT crossed the line!
*Laughs* I- I- I
I have failed you guys.
Ok...
I apologize
"Dear Mr. Liam, I was asked to team up with you for this project. Can you check the budget? -- Sora"
Oh! I love Kingdom Hearts! Let's play!
*Mumbling* When they finally make another goddamn game...
Okay so - oh - I have exactly 248 SGD.
I can get "Shades of Love."
I don't know if I want that, but let's do it!
Yeah! Okay!
Spreadsheet! (Brief porn music)
(Footsteps) Ah! That was quick!
I mean, not me -- I'm just sayin'!
They're a little rapid to getting here.
(Porn music) *pervy laughter*
(Female e-voice) Unf. *Mark* Eeh!
(Female e-voice) Unf. *Mark* Ah!
(Footsteps) Goddammit! Let me do my work in peace!
What are you even doing looking at -- you're not even doing anything!
(Music resumes)
(Female e-voice) Unf. Unf. (Male e-voice) Oh. *Mark* Eeh. Ooh. Eeh-
GODDAMMIT! Come on!
Oh, I didn't equip it!
Ohhhh! CATCH ME!
Catch me looking at it. (Music resumes) Please, catch me looking at it.
OH! I'm a perrrrrrrrvert! Oh, I'm perverrrrrrrrrrrted!
*Mark* Oh, I'm a sexual dieeeviant! Oh no! (Female e-voice) Goddammit Mark, how did you manage to mess even this up?
*Mark* Oh no! Hope no one caaatches me! (Female e-voice) This is literally such a simple concept.
*Mark* C'mon! Start over! I want the other one! (Female e-voice) You have like three buttons to press.
I don't want this one!
(Alarm sounds) Oh, no...
"Dear Stephan the Stal" --
"The Stallion?"
Woo!
Excuse me -- WOO!
"I saw what you did, and I like what I see. I'm sorry that I got you fired, but I had to protect my good name. Please meet me later.
Waiting eagerly, Sora"
Now I've got "Shades of Love" equipped
(Squeaking wheels) Not already! Geezums! Stop it! You're so depressing.
Wait, there's no noise.
(Male e-voice moaning)
It's weirder that this is completely silent.
(Moaning continues) I mean, besides the moans, it's just making it...
...Incredibly awkward. I'm pretty sure there was supposed to be some sound accompaniment to that.
(Female e-voice) Smack Dat (Male e-voice) All on the floor. *Mark* NOPE. This is - this is
(Female e-voice) Smack dat. (Male e-voice) Give me some more. *Mark* DEAD silent.
There - there ain't a lick of sound nowhere to be had!
It is super awkward.
(Male and female e-voices in the throws of "passion")
(Mark regrets his every decision up to this point, this is a new low )
( Nod )
*Singing* Spreadsheet, spreadsheet. Looking at the spreadsheet. Bleh bleh, bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh
I gotta go all the way to the 20th? Geezums.
Geez! If I've gotta go all the way to the 20th, this is gonna take foreeever.
Ughhhh!
"Well Hello Dear Player..." OH! It's done!
"This is the end of the NSFW alpha. This game will have more stories and mode
It will also have more videos - WINK!
Press escape to exit. Sincerely, Game Designer"
Well then! I - I guess that's the end of the game. So... that was actually interesting.
I'm sorry that this "Let's Play" was SO inappropriate for everyone watching.
Not just because of the content therein, but because my humor is
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Deadly.
Even that, I didn't think landed.
What I'm trying to say is that I'm not funny but at least you enjoyed the video maybe hopefully,
So let me know what you thought in the comments below (laughing)
And then, uh, HOPEFULLY I'll see you at the next video!
*Laughing* I don't know if you kinda just wanna bail on everything after this one
You're like, "OKAY! That's enough Markiplier for one lifetime. I'm gonna -- I'm gonna skedaddle on outta here.
So, see you guys in the next -- next "Let's Play"-er that comes along. See you guys! Alright!"
That was you, by the way. That was -- that was you.
Anyway, thank you everybody so much for watching.
And as always, I will see you in the next video! Buh-bye!