- Today, our tongues hop on the treadmill.
- Let's talk about that.
(upbeat music)
Good Mythical Morning.
- As an engineer, I appreciate machines
with multiple functions,
like the treadmill for example.
It serves as both an exercise machine,
and a clothing rack.
- Well, I like the manspreading machine,
you know, the one that you put your legs into,
and then you open it and close it,
and open it and close it?
- A Thighmaster?
- Yeah, I call it a manspreader.
- Okay, have you ever considered using the manspreader
for food delivery?
'Cause we're about to see
which one of us can keep up with food
as it comes speeding off of a treadmill into our mouths.
'Cause getting exercise has never tasted so good.
It's time for, Mama Always Said "Don't Eat Too Fast."
Well Sorry Mama, This Looks Too Fun to Pass!
Sorry Mama, I Didn't Mean to Yell.
- Welcome to the treadmill zone.
- All right, we're about to put our mouth-eye coordination
to the test,
with a series of challenges using these treadmills,
and each round is gonna feature
a different type of challenge.
- And to make things interesting,
we're gonna have a speed-related trivia question
at the top of each round.
If you answer it incorrectly,
you get some sort of disadvantage.
If you answer it correctly,
the other player gets a disadvantage.
Whoever wins the most rounds will become a treadmillionaire,
and receive a very lucrative prize.
- Is this a mistake? Is this gonna end in disaster?
Let's find out.
(cheerful music)
- [Stevie] All right, gentlemen,
as you can see, your treadmills have been set up
with lines of Goldfish, and,
there are more to come because Chase and Caitlin,
who look like little cute middle schoolers for some reason,
will be distributing-
- You on your break?
- [Stevie] Yeah, their middle school break.
They'll be distributing the exact same amount of Goldfish
to each of you as the treadmill runs.
Your job, of course, is to eat as many Goldfish as possible,
and Rhett, you have the trivia question this round,
please go ahead.
- I have a question. How fast is this gonna go?
- [Rhett] We're gonna find out.
- I mean, we haven't seen this in motion,
we have not practiced.
- Well here's the thing.
- Has anybody certified that this is not stupid?
- Well, I was thinking, just a second ago.
You have a slight advantage in that your mouth is bigger,
but I have a slight advantage in that I eat more.
But, I also have a beard
that may just get ripped off by this thing.
- It'll grow back.
All right, gimme that trivia.
- Link.
Is that your name?
- Yeah, buddy.
- What is the name of Keanu Reeves' character
in the 1994 hit movie Speed?
- Ah, shoot.
- A, Jake Ryan.
- [Link] Okay.
- B, John Thompson.
Or C, Jack Traven.
- Jack Ryan or Jack Traven?
- [Rhett] Jake Ryan.
- Jake Ryan, Jack Traven. - Jack Ryan is a whole
'nother thing.
Jake Ryan, John Thompson, Jack Traven.
- I'm gonna go with Jack Traven.
- Sounds like you're not too confident.
- [Link] I am not.
- But you are right.
- Yes!
And I have seen it, so you get a disadvantage, which is...
- What's my disadvantage?
- [Stevie] You get a fancy little eye patch, sir.
- Oh, nice.
Okay, you're gonna lose some depth perception with that.
And I guess we need to assume the position...
- [Stevie] Yeah, and Link,
your question about how fast these are going,
I actually know, they're going .6 miles per hour.
- Okay, okay.
- [Stevie] So, please assume position.
Open your mouths.
- This is gonna hurt.
- Should I drag my lip on this thing?
- [Stevie] No.
- It's kind of rough.
- [Stevie] Okay, we're gonna turn on the treadmills
in three, two, one, go.
- Oh!
- [Rhett] Oh, oh, oh.
(festive music)
- [Link] Oh! Oh! Oh!
- I got my teeth.
(Link mumbles around Goldfish)
- I can't talk with food in my mouth!
- [Stevie] There's all these little crumbs
and giant spots of saliva on Rhett's side.
- [Link] Oh! Oh!
(Link mumbles around Goldfish)
- [Rhett] This is so unfair.
(Link mumbles around Goldfish)
- [Stevie] All right, and time.
- Oh, he's got a whole bunch in his mouth.
I'm actually eating 'em.
- [Stevie] We're gonna have to go
to the panel of judges on that one,
give us one second,
we're going to bust out the fish scales
to determine who won that round.
- So these trays caught all the Goldfish
that we did not get into our mouths,
and by measuring these,
whoever has the most Goldfishes on the tray
loses this round.
- Now, I will say, since we didn't establish the rules,
I just took eating meaning eating,
so I was eating my Goldfish.
Not just putting them in my mouth.
- Well I was gonna eat them in a batch,
so I caught as many as I could in my mouth,
and then I was looking for an opportunity to eat,
which never came, so I just kept stuffing my mouth full,
which I think I reached a capacity
that you may still win.
- But moving forward,
if it's in your mouth at the end, it counts as eaten.
That's the thing.
- [Stevie] Well there's different rules for different rounds
moving forward.
So I'll be a little bit more explicit.
It's okay, I can tell this is really weighing on you.
But we weighed the Goldfish,
oh yeah, the eye patch, sure, that's it.
Rhett, you had 33 grams of Goldfish left,
and Link, you had 28 grams
of Goldfish left. - Very close.
Comes down to that mouth capacity.
And then I just ate 'em in a big batch.
Gulp.
- No, you didn't, you spit 'em out in a trash can,
I watched you.
(cheerful music)
We seem to be going faster, Stevie.
- [Stevie] Oh yeah, we're kicking it up a notch
to a whole two miles per hour.
- Whoa, faster than you would think.
- [Stevie] So for this round,
you're gonna have a mix of meatballs,
chicken gizzards, balls of liver,
balls of cat food, and turkey testicles on your treadmills.
- Seriously?
- [Stevie] Oh yeah, you can see 'em in those little buckets
that the little kids are holding.
Whoever gets the most meatballs...
Your objective, there's not gonna be this whole like,
did you chew, did you not, thing going on.
So your job is to use your mouth to place the meatballs,
and only the meatballs-
- In the bowl?
- [Stevie] In your bowls.
- [Link] Okay.
- [Stevie] So whoever gets the most meatballs
wins the round.
You're gonna have the same amount of meatballs
dropped onto your treadmill,
so Link, you have the trivia question this time,
if you wanna kick that off.
- Yes.
And what's at stake is the disadvantage
of David Hill tickling one of us in the neck
with a feather duster.
Or on the neck.
I don't know if you're gonna go in the neck.
Okay, Rhett, here you go.
Which of these species is the fastest?
- Ah.
- Is it A, the black marlin,
B, the greyhound, not the bus, the dog,
or C, the hummingbird, the bird.
- Did you say the black marlin?
- The black marlin.
It's a fish.
A marlin is a fish, dude.
- Yeah, but I haven't heard of the black marlin.
But I'm not like a marlin expert.
- It's a superhero amongst fish.
- A bird is freaking fast.
But I don't know,
I don't think it's faster than a greyhound.
They're known for racing, we're not racing hummingbirds.
Greyhound.
- The greyhound can run up to 43 miles per hour.
The hummingbird can travel at 61 miles per hour.
But the black marlin, well,
don't get me started.
They've been recorded stripping line off a fishing reel
at 82 miles an hour.
So you were wrong, David Hill,
go over there and get ready
to tickle. - [Rhett] I've gotta
go fishing for black marlin
more often. - Tickle Rhett's neck.
Go on, don't be shy.
Go over there.
You're gonna tickle his neck.
- [Stevie] All right, guys, assume your positions.
- Black marlin.
I'm gonna move at the speed of a marlin.
- [Stevie] Ready for balls in your mouth?
- I don't think my mouth's big enough for these balls.
- [Stevie] Here we go, in...
- Just hit my freaking lip on this thing.
- [Stevie] Three, two, one,
go! (festive music)
- I don't even know what the, oh, that's cat food!
I thought that was a freaking...
Puh!
- [David] Tickle tickle tickle, tickle tickle tickle.
- Puh!
- Oh, none of those.
I'm not falling for that crap.
Puh!
Oh, none of that.
You missed a, oh, what is that crap?
- [David] Tickle tickle tickle. Tickle tickle.
- Is he tickling you over there, Rhett?
- Oh, no!
- [David] Tickle tickle, tickle tickle.
Yeah, tickle tickle tickle.
- That's some nasty stuff.
That's nasty.
- [David] Tickle tickle,
tickle tickle tickle tickle.
Tickle tickle.
- Come on, Chase! None of that!
Ooh!
- Tickle tickle tickle.
Tickle tickle tickle.
- That's a nasty bucket you got there.
Oh, gosh!
- Puh!
Uh-uh-uh, uh-uh-uh.
Oh!
Yeah, give me that other one that fell all over the floor.
Puh!
Boom! I did it.
Is your time up? Your bucket's empty?
- [Rhett] Man, that was so ticklish.
(Rhett laughs)
- All right, Chase, there's my bowl,
but the problem is, look at this crap.
Oh my gosh.
I don't want this on my yoga mat!
- [Stevie] Okay, kids, how many balls we got?
- 11.
- 13.
- Lucky number 13!
- It was the tickling.
It was the tickling that really threw me off.
(cheerful music)
While we're down here on the dirty, dirty ground,
I wanna remind you about Good Mythical Evening, y'all!
You gotta get your tickets, remember,
this is a live ticketed event for mature audiences only.
Things are gonna get really dirty.
We're very excited about it, hope you are, too.
It's all going down on October 28th,
get your tickets at GoodMythicalEvening.com.
- GoodMythicalEvening.com.
- [Stevie] Okay, guys, this is the final round.
It's worth three points, so Rhett,
you can still tie it up.
I've seen the pain of loss on your face.
- I love a tie. I love a tie.
A big fan of ties.
- [Stevie] Well do you like licking nasty things,
'cause that's what you're about to do.
You are both going to be licking something nasty
off of your treadmills for as long as you can take it,
and the first person to stop licking loses the round.
I'll let you define licking
however you would like. - I put my tongue
on the thing?
- [Stevie] What?
- I put my tongue on the treadmill?
- [Stevie] Lightly, yes.
- It looks like, what, icing?
- [Stevie] Well, it looks like icing,
but it actually is horseradish.
So, this should be fun.
- It's horse something,
but I wouldn't follow it up with radish.
- [Stevie] Everyone but you guys.
So, to determine the disadvantage for this round,
I'm gonna ask both of you a trivia question,
and then whoever's closer to the correct answer
is saved from the disadvantage.
How many bones are in the human foot?
- In the human foot?
- 32.
- I was gonna say 27.
- [Stevie] Hoo, it's 26.
- Oh!
- [Stevie] So, Link, you will be enjoying a lovely breeze
during this round,
in the shape of a fan just at your face, basically.
- Okay.
Boy, this is...
I don't know if I'm gonna be able to withstand
this huge breeze in my face.
I don't know how this...
- Hold on, is it on right now?
- Yeah, it feels...
- [Rhett] Your hair is barely moving.
- Oh, there we go, now it's on me.
- I almost feel like that's an advantage.
- [Link] I feel a little cooler now.
(Link laughs)
- [Stevie] We have set the speed back to .6,
not to worry, we're not at two.
- So it's gotta go in our mouths,
so you used the term "licking"...
- [Stevie] Well, on your tongue, I would say.
It's gotta go on your tongue.
Yeah, practice. That wasn't a tongue lick.
Yep, yep, yep, there you go.
- But then it's just gonna,
I'm gonna just spread it all over the treadmill.
- [Stevie] Yeah, probably.
- I think I figured it out.
Instead of putting your tongue on top,
where it kinda pushes the tongue back in your mouth,
put it kinda under the edge.
It's gonna convey right down your throat, I think.
- Right into the throat.
- Yes.
- [Stevie] Okay, you guys ready?
Three, two, one,
go. (festive music)
- [Link] Here it comes. Oh, gosh.
Ah...
Oh...
Oh. Oh.
Ooh.
Oh... oh...
Oh...
Ooh...
Oh.
(crew laughs)
- You win, man.
You win because it was, I mean...
I don't know if I gotta...
- I lose, man, trust me.
I lose.
Did you swallow anything?
- No. Here's the thing.
I can look at your treadmill,
and see that different things were happening.
- Yeah, what are you doing? I do win!
- I was licking it, but it was like,
it was just kinda going off of my tongue,
it just wasn't accumulating in my mouth.
Obviously it wasn't.
- It didn't even go in your mouth?
- It did, but it didn't build up.
- Oh, gosh.
- My mouth's too small, man.
- [Stevie] I think it's clear that Link is the winner.
Everyone else is the loser.
- I would also be a loser, in this.
Oh, I'm a treadmillion, oh, yeah,
thanks for the last second adjustment, David Hill.
A million dollars?
Wow, I'm gonna go black marlin fishing with this.
- Yeah, they're tough to keep up with.
Thanks for subscribing and clicking that bell.
- You know what time it is.
- Hi, I'm Shawn, from Eugene, Oregon.
I just gave blood and helped save lives.
Now it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
- Thank you, Shawn.
Click the top link to watch us decode the meaning
of old-timey crime and punishment terms
in Good Mythical More.
- And to find out
where the Wheel of Mythicality's gonna land.
Join us on October 28th for the big one night only
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Good Mythical Evening.
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