Number 7. You're passive-aggressive.
When you reply, "Sure, no problem," and then turn around and do the exact opposite, you
do not wish to confront others or be confronted by them in the future. To avoid dealing with
anything that has a significant impact on your life, you use deflection to divert their
attention away from you. Most of the time, it's something you're not consciously aware
of, something that makes you feel vulnerable or humiliated.
Number 6. You think you're a good listener.
Perhaps you really are an excellent listener after all! If you believe you are, it is worth
considering why you think you are – what do you do that qualifies you as such?
Have you ever finished a project and were anxious about how it would turn out? Even
though there were some other things you wanted to include but ran out of time or that there
was this one other area you believed could be more vital, everyone, except one person,
provided you with positive feedback. Who was it that you were listening to?
If you're anything like me, you spent most of your time thinking about the one person
who validated your insecurities out of all the leaders. How frequently do you perform
this action? For example, what happens when someone is speaking? Are you simply waiting
for them to finish speaking so that you can say what you want to tell them? How well do
you listen to what the other person says if you can't get out of your own head?
When communicating, active listening is essential. That isn't a secret. However, it is not that
straightforward. It is how you listen and the content of your listening that is important.
Self-awareness comprises the ability to listen to oneself rather than to one's surroundings.
Take into consideration everything that everyone is saying, not just the portions that are
compliments or insults, but the entire conversation.
Number 5. You can't laugh at yourself.
I despise being humiliated and have difficulty dealing with feelings of shame. (After all,
doesn't everyone?) When you're in a foul mood, it's reasonable that the last thing you want
to do is laugh. Perhaps your first reaction is to become enraged and strike out at anyone
who happens to be nearby. What you're doing there is redirecting attention
away from yourself; rather than sitting with intense discomfort, you divert attention away
from yourself. In this case, self-awareness means admitting
that you are embarrassed, upset, or ashamed. When this occurs, it is common for people
to burst out laughing.
Number 4. You say things you don't mean.
There are moments when I wish people could just "read my mind" — they could instantly
recognize when and why I am irritated, disappointed, or hurt without saying anything. Instead of
dealing with being an adult and expressing my thoughts, it would be so much easier.
When something is, in reality, a problem, it is also simpler — and emotionally safer
— to respond with "nothing" or "no problem." When things become difficult, we have a tendency
to bury our feelings. It makes perfect sense. We all want to come
across as capable and confident to others, especially in our professional lives. When
someone engages in passive-aggressive behavior, they attempt to avoid confrontation and deflect
feelings. It's scary to be vulnerable, and being vulnerable at work can be even more
frightening. In addition, if you rely on passive-aggressive
conduct to communicate, you're placing false expectations on people because humans do not,
in reality, can read minds. It's also exhausting – both for you and anyone else participating
in the process. Allow yourself to take a breath before responding
to someone who asks you how to accomplish something or inquiries about your mood. Instead
of hiding your problems, choose the best approach to frame your issue in a way that expresses
what you need to say without being unpleasant or confrontational. This is a tricky balancing
act because you are unlikely to be able to communicate what you want to say while still
addressing the conflict. If possible, write down some talking points in advance, taking
into account what you need to say that isn't rude.
Number 3. You get defensive.
Do you become irritated or furious when you receive feedback? Do you believe that all
input is unpleasant, unwelcome, or unjustified? Do negative emotions run out of control if
a colleague criticizes you? If you responded "yes" to any of these questions,
you might consider asking yourself why you are upset. When you've finished your reflection
and found the answer, ask yourself why. Feedback and critiques are an inevitable part
of life, especially at work, and are almost always intended to help you improve. Because,
even though no one is flawless, and I say this with compassion, it is not all about
you. It's not always about you.
It's challenging to sit still when you're in pain. While it's natural to feel anxious
or agitated when confronted with unexpected criticism, it's critical to recognize how
it differs from justified and objective feedback. Use the next piece of feedback as a self-awareness
exercise at work to help you improve your self-awareness.
Today's topic was requested by Nathan Reynolds. If YOU have any other topics you'd like to
learn about, subscribe and let us know in the comments section below.
Number 2. Nothing is ever your fault. How often do you say, "Yes, but it's not my
fault because (insert reason/excuse/context here)?" When it comes to avoiding responsibility,
how often do you say, "Yes, but it's not my fault because (insert reason/excuse/context
here)?" It's natural to want to put a situation into
context, especially if you feel assaulted or if something wasn't your fault in the first
place. You're probably attempting to deflect negative attention if you frequently respond
to criticism or feedback with "yeah, but...". That's very understandable. However, be aware
that others see you as dismissive and unwilling to take responsibility.
Being aware of how others react to your expression of feelings is an essential working skill.
It's right up there with emotional intelligence; you need to be able to distinguish between
your own thoughts and actual observations of your coworkers' conduct. Accept responsibility
when you make a mistake. In general, people are more likely to like someone who admits
to a mistake and apologizes than someone who avoids responsibility.
Number 1. You micromanage.
Almost everyone who micromanages has a valid motive for doing so. Maybe you're a stickler
for details. Or perhaps a lot is riding on a specific project, and you can't let it go
unnoticed. Maybe you recognize that your coworker requires extra motivation to accomplish tasks
or projects. All of them are good causes. But you know
what they're missing? An awareness of how your desire to be in charge affects the other
person. Micromanaging employees, team members, and individuals, in general, demoralizes them.
It implies that you don't have faith in the individuals you're working with. It also allows
you to make a lot of assumptions, allowing you to avoid the responsibility of actually
doing the task and communicating it.
Thanks for watching. Do you lack self-awareness or possess any of the signs we mentioned?
Please let us know in the comments area below!