Heya playa, school is right around the corner which means you're going to have to jump right
back into being social, starting conversations, talking to people.
Something you probably haven't done most of the summer but don't worry.
In this video, I'm going to share 5 common mistakes that a lot of people make when they
start conversations at the beginning of the school year.
Stay tuned.
For those of you that are new here, my name is Josh and every single week I make videos
sharing tips, ideas and stories teaching you how to be your best self so if you want to
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Now look, starting a conversation with someone is never an easy thing to do.
But it's particularly harder when you're going back to school because you haven't seen these
people for a few months and there's this expectation that things are just gonna kinda go back to
normal and you guys are gonna start talking again.
And this is generally the first mistake that a lot of people make, they stay too quiet
when they first start school.
I made this mistake all the time whenever I started a new grade.
I would keep to myself, I wouldn't talk to people and that first week is crucial if you
want to get back into the ebb and flow of things.
Especially if you're starting a new grade with new kids in it that you don' really know.
You don't really want to get the label of the quiet kid because I had that label for
tons of years and a lot of times when I finally did speak out and talk to people they were
like "Wow I didn't know you actually spoke, you're always so quiet".
And you might be thinking, well that's easier said than done.
I'm a quiet person so I don't really start conversations.
I'm too awkward or shy.
I hope people start them with me.
But I want you to start changing that little by little and this is how I think you can
do it.
First, think about what you all have in common.
You just came back from summer break so there is something there for you to talk about.
Even if you just sat there and played videos games, you can either just share what you
did over the summer or ask that other person what they did over the summer.
You have an instant conversation built into the model of coming back to school.
And second, if there's a brand new person coming in that you've never seen before or
just someone coming in from a different class, you can always just ask them one of my 20
ice breaker conversation starters.
In fact, I'll like it up over here, that's going to get you into the process of learning
about their hobbies and their interests.
Now the second thing you might find yourself doing when you're carrying that conversation
is interrupting them out of nervousness.
This is something that naturally happens when you just don't know what to talk about or
you are so excited to talk about something that you keep cutting them off.
Interrupting someone out of nervousness might look something like this.
Hey how's it going, how was your summer?
Hey man, I haven't seen you in a while (Did you do something fun?)
Oh yea I did a lot of cool things (Oh I'm sorry you were saying) Yea so what I was saying
(Cause I did a lot of) I'm sorry you talk first (No no, it's fine you talk first) I
was just gonna tell you about (Oh) But you tell me what you did (Yea yeah) Um you just
(Ohh ok ok) Just go, just talk.
Now a lot of the times the reason why we do this, the reason why we interrupt people in
the middle of talking or we just kind of stumble over our own words as we're telling them something
is because we don't really have a complete thought that we feel confident enough to share.
Sometimes we start to half share but then we get afraid that they're not going to care
about what we're talking about or they have a better and stronger story to tell so we
kind of silence ourselves.
I think if you're someone that constantly runs into this situation, I think the best
thing to do is to say your thought clearly and confidently and then to practice active
listening.
You might want to say "Hey I want to tell you a story about what happened to me this
summer but I wanna hear about your summer first" and then you kind of just stay quiet,
let them talk, let them share their story.
And when it's finally your time to talk, the third thing you want to make sure you don't
do is brag about yourself in the conversation.
Let's say you did something really awesome and really just fun this summer and you wanna
tell someone.
Well, bragging about it might be rubbing it in their face tell them "Oh wow you had a
really boring summer but me, I did something really cool".
Sometimes we brag about things and we don't really even know it.
But what's the difference between a humble brag and an actual brag.
A full-on I'm rubbing it in your face?
Let me explain.
If you did something really cool this summer, don't be afraid to share it.
I think in general people want to hear about the cool stories and experiences you had but
if you're kind of telling it in a way that's making them feel worse about themselves.
You're telling them that you're really cool and really popular and ally really awesome
in relation to them not doing something as cool or popular or as awesome this is when
it starts to take a turn into bragging.
You're trying to show that person that you're better than them because you made a better
use of your time.
But sometimes just hanging out and chilling all summer is exactly what that person needed.
So it's not always fair to compare your experience to someone else.
You might think that by bragging about the things you did or trying to make yourself
look cooler people are going to care about you more but they're just gonna see right
through that and they're going to feel like you're comparing yourself to them and no one
ever wants to feel that way.
So as you talk to that person and just get up to date on what they did over the summer,
how their experience was make sure to not make this fourth fatal mistake but they like
to linger around after the conversation has hit that low point.
You know exactly what I mean.
You're talking to someone and the conversation kind of takes a turn like this.
So it was really awesome.
Me and my friends went to Disney and saw Galaxy's Edge, it was so so cool.
(Yeah, that's cool.
I mean like I said, it's cool you went to Disney) What about you, did you do anything
cool this summer?
(I didn't really do anything cool, I just kind of hung out at home.
Really nothing special) Yea I mean I just hung out too after that, it's really all I
did (Yea that's cool.
I mean it's cool you went to Disney) Cool man, cool, that's cool.
Sometimes we feel the need to make a conversation go on longer than it needs to rather than
cutting it short, keeping it sweet and really just using the time we're talking to a person
as a moment to connect with them.
A lot of times we really try to milk out as much as we can to try to make that conversation
special.
And the truth is a conversation is only special if it's providing value to both people in
it.
If you kind of run out of things to talk about and you don't know what to say, it's okay
to say "Hey it was cool catching up with you, we'll run into each other again and we'll
see each other later".
Saying something as simple as that signals to the other person that hey, I recognize
that we ran out of things to talk about.
We don't have to stand here and continue to be awkward to try to find things to talk about.
We can go our separate ways and be okay with what we talked about.
The other person is already doing this, in their mind, they're asking themselves what
you can talk about to continue the conversation so the moment someone steps in and brings
it to an end, both people are gonna feel that sense of relief.
So, since you're watching this video right now and you're the one learning how to deal
with these conversational situations I think it's on you to put it into practice.
And the fifth mistake that a lot of people make, this is something that I think is crucial.
Especially when we only have that one golden opportunity to talk to your crush or someone
you really want to be close friends with is to set up a second time to talk to them.
A lot of times when you have that opportunity to talk to your crush, it's usually at the
very beginning of school.
You guys ask that question what did you do over the summer and now you have that opportunity
to set up for something else but you don't.
You have that one conversation and it ends.
Instead of leading into something like "Hey, it was really cool seeing you and I want to
do this again.
When are you next free?
Let's hang out during lunch or let's hang out after school."
Just jumping into it when everyone is fresh and excited to come off of summer is the best
moment to strike the best moment to kind of start setting things into motion because what
you're really doing is you're setting the tone for that person to see that you are a
more confident person.
You're a person open to having conversations.
You're a person that wants to take your relationship and their relationship to the next stage.
But if you let conversation linger on too long, you interrupt them, you run out of things
to say, all those things kind of combined into one and on top of that you don't set
up for your next conversation, guess what things are going to go back to how they probably
were in years past.
You're just kinda seeing that person walk by, you don't know when to talk to them or
when the right opportunity is.
This is your opportunity, this is your golden moment.
The beginning of the school year is the perfect time to put your confidence on display.
And look, you might not always have the amount of time you want to actually sit down and
have a conversation with them.
Maybe you're just passing them in the hall and that's your first interaction with them
after the summer.
Well, even in that moment you might just want to quickly say to them hey, it was really
cool seeing you, I wanna know what you did over the summer.
What are you doing for lunch this week?
What are you doing after school?
Let's catch up and hang out and just really talk things out.
That's an opportunity for you to set up for the next stage even if you only have that
small window.
And I would say that small little line works even if they're with friends, even if they're
talking to other people, just jumping in asking them how they're doing and how you want to
catch up sometime soon is a good way to kind of set things up.
To at least show them that you're a little more confident this year because ultimately
when it comes to starting any kind of conversation after school begins, it all comes down to
your confidence level.
Do you feel comfortable talking to those people?
Are you confident enough to carry a conversation?
If you feel like you're able to avoid these mistakes but you still want to learn how to
start better conversations, check out the playlist over here where I talk more about
starting conversations, DMing someone, how to just kind of get those words out of your
mouth and get things going.
Check out that playlist guys and also check out my 20 ice breaker conversation starters
right here.
That's going to give you things, specific things to talk about.
Both of those resources will be super helpful for you.
On that note guys, I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.