i'll be back
you've been back enough
i'll be back
welcome to watch mojo and today we're
counting down our picks for the top 20
hilarious action movie one-liners please
father
have furs god has mercy
i don't for this list we'll be looking
at memorable moments of dialogue and
action movies that made us laugh out
loud whether intentionally or not we're
going to avoid action comedies or we'd
be here all day sorry mr pool but you're
just too darned funny give me your best
shot one-eyed willy
which one-liner gets you laughing every
time
tell us in the comments
number 20 you're the rocket man the rock
what do you do when you're facing a man
who wants to kill you ask about his
taste in music well that's the strategy
that nicholas cage's stanley goodspeed
takes in the rock when confronted by
tony todd's captain darrow stan good
speed fbi uh
let's talk music do you like the elton
john song rocket man it's an unlikely
moment of dialogue but one that the
writing team which included an
uncredited quentin tarantino evidently
included as set up for the one-liner
that follows
it's you
you're the rocking man
[Music]
as he delivers a line the plucky agent
fires a missile into darrow who's very
conveniently standing right in front of
it it's a tad cumbersome but fits with
the idea that cage's character is
keeping up with sean connery's james
bond-esque former special forces captain
number 19 and you go in pieces i come in
peace
this sci-fi flick starring dolph
lundgren has mostly been forgotten but
it did feature some memorable one-liners
at least in the so bad it's good sense
lundgren's character jack kane a
hard-boiled texas detective has to catch
a drug dealer before his narcotics claim
more lives oh and the drug dealer is
from outer space all the intergalactic
bad guy can really say is i come in
peace
this prompts kane's response when he
blows the dealer to bits and you go in
pieces it's hard not to chuckle or at
least smirk which is kind of true for a
lot of the movie
number 18 machete don't text machete
danny trejos machete is simply stating a
fact in response to love interest
sartana rivera however it's the dry
delivery that makes this moment funny
and guarantees it sticks in the
audience's minds you could have at least
texted me
machete don't text though only three
words it manages to encapsulate a lot
about the hero as well as prompting us
to ask more questions why doesn't
machete text does he have no one to text
does he know how to use a cell phone the
line actually reflects actor danny
trejo's real life attitude to sending
text messages that machete don't text
much at the improvise
number 17
i'm not wearing hockey pads the dark
knight
one of the key aspects of christopher
nolan's the dark knight trilogy was how
seriously the batman world was taken
what the hell are you
i'm batman gone were the ridiculous puns
and jokes that had derailed the
franchise in joel schumacher's movies
though the dialogue didn't lack humor
altogether it was still surprising to
hear christian bale's caped crusader
utter equip of his own when warning off
copycat vigilantes he's challenged to
explain why his answer is straight to
the point if nothing else batman is
honest what's the difference between you
and me
i'm not wearing hockey pads whilst the
line works as a real scene closer it's
also foreshadowing as well since the
fake batman he's warning ends up
captured and killed by the joker
number 16 it's just been revoked lethal
weapon 2.
although many of the franchise's best
quips are reserved for mel gibson's
martin riggs it's danny glover's
straight-laced roger murtaugh who utters
this great line it's just been revoked
uh peter he didn't really set you up for
that lethal weapon line it doesn't
really work here oh given the context
it's even more satisfying after spending
much of lethal weapon 2 trying to talk
his partner down from crossing any line
against south african consul general
arjun rudd murtaugh fires the fatal
bullet the racist rud thought he was
untouchable with his diplomatic immunity
but roger had other ideas it's just been
revoked
we're not sure what the legal and
political ramifications were though
number 15
welcome to earth independence day
roland emmerich's iconic disaster film
achieved several things at once it gave
us visuals that were groundbreaking for
their time and holed up today in fact
they even helped dr evil hold the world
hostage well actually that was just
footage from the movie independence day
but the real laser would be a lot like
that yeah but most importantly the movie
helped turn rapper and comedy actor will
smith into a leading blockbuster action
star this particular one-liner delivered
by smith after a dogfight with an alien
craft cemented how adept he was on the
big screen it's funny catchy and fits
perfectly with his character
welcome to earth
number 14 puny god
the avengers
in earlier films dialogue wasn't really
one of the mcu hulk's strongest points
yet whenever he did drop a line it was
golden his final line towards the end of
the incredible hulk was catchy but
expected
after all hulk smash is kinda his
catchphrase another perhaps lesser known
one is the green giant's preference to
describe things as puny
humans since many things really are puny
to dr bruce spanner's gamma radiation
created alter ego
it makes sense after loki points out
he's a god hulk replies by smashing him
into the floor and uttering this shade
to drive home the point puny god
number 13 i'm taller speed
keanu reeves has had his fair share of
one-liners but this one is both
memorable and tickles our funny bone
about to meet his maker as he fights
atop a runaway subway train keanu reeves
jack travin uses his height as leverage
he pushes batty howard payne played by
dennis hopper upwards towards a railway
signal hanging from the tunnel ceiling
causing pain to lose his head i'm the
guy with a plan because i'm smart
i'm smarter than you payne's taunt about
how much smarter he is may not be false
but officer travin's one-liner is a
short and sweet truth bomb
yeah
well i'm taller
number 12 stick around predator
you must have known arnie would be here
somewhere when it comes to movie
one-liners arnold schwarzenegger is a
machine and predator contains no
shortage of zingers the most quoted
include if it bleeds
we can kill it
and the obvious
when it comes to funny one-liners we get
two in quick succession there's
knock-knock as dutch bashes his way
through a door and right before that
this line as he pins an enemy to a wall
with a machete
stick around we have to give an honorary
mention though to this line uttered by
co-star jesse the body ventura as blaine
cooper
you're hit you're bleeding man i ain't
got time to bleed
number 11 always trying to ice skate
uphill blade
vampire deacon frost has big dreams a
brave new world where he can rule over
vampires and humans alike with the
powers of the god lamogra however wesley
snipes his blade isn't easily impressed
even during their climactic final battle
after he uses syringes to turn frost's
body into a pin cushion he drops this
line
some [ __ ] is always trying to
ice skate uphill
it's a startling remark since ice
skating really has nothing to do with
frost or vampires in general but it's
scathing dismissive and sort of out of
nowhere which is why it elicits a
chuckle there's still a war going on
and i have a job to do
number 10 he had to split the running
man
come on you must have known he'd be back
for 1987's the running man arnold
schwarzenegger takes on the role of ben
richards a framed police helicopter
pilot after escaping incarceration
richards finds himself in a violent game
show that kills off its contestants
stephen king wrote the novel that the
movie is based on but this line after
richard's garrote sub-zero belongs to
screenplay writer stephen e d'souza
took care of sub-zero here he was a real
pain in the neck even better though is
arnie's line after he cuts buzzsaw in
two
yes we see what you did there what
happened to buzzer ah
he had to split
number nine an inflated opinion of
himself
live and let die
there are some things about james bond
that don't change no matter who plays
him they include vodka martinis shaken
not stirred q's gadgets and double 07's
penchant for puns quips and post-kill
one-liners though a dark sense of humor
permeated the books the movie
incarnations shot off one-liners like
there was no tomorrow what's wrong with
the booth i once had a nasty turn in a
booth
the world is not enough for bond who
can't live and let die without a pun
many came from roger moore's bond and of
them the all-time high is this little
gem uttered after blowing up dr kananga
with a gas pellet
well he always did have an inflated
opinion of himself
number eight no ticket indiana jones and
the last crusade
for this adventure harrison ford's
intrepid archaeologist was joined by
former james bond sean connery jr
yes sir henry jones senior had his own
fair share of humorous lines but the
most hilarious line in the film went to
ford after punching a nazi officer and
defenestrating him from a zeppelin jones
turns to the shocked passengers no
ticket
his explanation is simple their panicked
reaction is the cherry on top it's a
short and sweet one-liner that
guarantees a laugh while also fitting in
well with the style and tone of the
franchise
number 7 i have had it snakes on a plane
2006's snakes on a plane is an enigma
what started out as a goofy idea for a
movie became a bit of a joke online and
then ultimately a cult film samuel l
jackson's involvement which came about
without him reading the script was bound
to have his trademark expletives all
over it and apparently the movie had
reshoots to add more
oh me nothing
it's uh what i'm supposed to do
obviously we'd get into quite a bit of
trouble if we played the full one-liner
without censoring the naughty words but
we're pretty sure you know what's going
on beneath the bleeps i have had it with
these
snakes on this [ __ ] plane
number six i think he got the point
thunderball
we've already had james bond and we've
seen sean connery a few times already
but finally the two combined together
and joined this list the first man to
play bond on the big screen also
pioneered a few of the suave spy's
habits thanks to connery 007 got his
unique way of introducing himself when
the actor ad-libbed bond james bond and
dr no i admire your luck
mr
bond
james bond as connery progressed so too
did the secret agents quips despite
there being few in the novels some
missed the mark but others like
thunderballs are definitely on target
thanks to the simple delivery and
smoothness of connery's voice
i think he got the point
number five consider that a divorce
total recall
based on philip k dick's short story we
can remember it for you wholesale total
recall is a classic sci-fi adventure
that's recognized as one of arnold
schwarzenegger's best films it doesn't
have a lot of humor but the one-liners
that arnie does get are gold now this is
the plan
get your ass to moss after realizing
that he's really a secret agent with
fake memories douglas quaid goes on the
run with the enemy and his fake wife
laurie hot on his heels lori tries to
appeal to his fake memories of their
relationship but quaid sees through her
tricks consider that a divorce
number four how do you like your ribs
action jackson
get the gasoline we're gonna have us a
little barbecue with the title like
action jackson it's not hard to imagine
what kind of movie you're going to get
from this 1988 action flick yes i'd say
that just about sums it up in fact all
the star carl weathers had was a vague
idea in the title prompted from a
conversation on set with predator
producer joel silver from there the
writer crafted the story of detective
sergeant jericho action jackson who's
framed for murder during an
investigation when jackson is captured
this one-liner is set up by one of the
bad guys who declares that they're going
to barbecue jackson a barbecue was had
alright but it was jackson who did the
cooking barbecue huh
how do you like your ribs
number three
the blood bank hard to kill
is this line supposed to be funny well
maybe it's debatable but it's certainly
delivered very seriously i know that
voice steven seagal's character mason
storm an la detective delivers this line
to a blank television he's reminiscing
about his younger self watching the same
tv perhaps we shouldn't be surprised
that a character named storm is so
dramatic but it's still pretty funny
when he thinks about corrupt senator
vernon trent and delivers this beauty
you can take that to the bank
i'm gonna take you to the bank senator
trent
to the blood bank the best moment is how
after giving the one liner seagal turns
away as though he wished he hadn't said
it
number two let off some steam commando
the austrian oak had only 17 lines in
the terminator and while some were
iconic we're glad he got more dialogue
in the following year's film commando in
fact practically every line said by
arnie's special forces colonel john
matrix could have been a worthy entry to
this list don't disturb my friend he's
dead tired veteran action movie writer
stephen e dezuza actually tailored the
script to schwarzenegger as he knew the
former mr universe could pull off a
character full of quips there can only
be one favorite from commando though and
that is the line after matrix impales
bad guy bennett with a sauna pipe
lit up some steam bennett before we
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number one all out of bubble gum they
live
when it came to casting the drifter nada
in his sci-fi action film they live john
carpenter did what he does best and went
against the norm recruiting professional
wrestling legend rowdy roddy piper may
have been seen as an unusual choice as
the famous heel wasn't known for his
acting i don't like this one
however let us all be grateful he did as
the now famous bubble gum line may not
have been as memorable from the mouth of
another discovering that aliens are
living among humans incognito nada
enters a bank and drops the iconic line
i have come here to chew bubble gum and
kick ass
[Music]
and i'm all out above them
at 16 words it's a very long one-liner
but boy does it work cool funny and
delivered at a deliberate pace it is
everything a one-liner should be
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[Music]
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