When we got back from Christmas that was when everything kind of started to lay into place
that was not right. And a
particular drill sergeant, who called me out sometimes during stuff, had a specific nickname
for me which was “TJ". He
called me out a lot more to sing in front of the formations. Um, he would pick on me
a lot more. He picked on a few
other privates a lot more. I noticed him kind of singling out people more. He would start
off little with something and
see if you would say anything or do anything, see if you would tell other privates. It all
kind of worked its way into
what it became. But he was very, very sly. He was mastermind at it.
I had one occasion where a battle buddy and I, we were running down the stairs
He yelled down the stairwell and he was like "hey privates" and… the battle buddy in
front of me was down a step where she
couldn't see him. And as he was talking to her, um, he was making kissing and winking
faces at me and so that would have
been my first red flag. We ran back down to formation and I was like, "battle buddy, this
just happened" and she was
like "I didn't see it" so we really couldn't report it and we really couldn't say anything
about it. It was just one
thing that had happened.
I was out on the firing range and the same drill sergeant came around and as he cleared
my weapon, he was asking me if,
if I would let him have sex with me or if there was anybody in the barracks that he
could. Um, and I was, I was so
shocked. I was like "no, drill sergeant. You know, I don't know if anybody in the bay would,
would wanna do that." I
said, you know, "No.". When I got back I went to that same battle buddy. Her and I talked
about it and she was like
"wow, I can't believe he said that." And there was nobody around though because the firing
range are set up differently.
And, um, so there was no, again no witnesses for anything. But that would have been my
second red flag.
The next day was then when the actual assault happened. We were pulling everything out and
were doing an inventory for
everything for a change of command. So, as we're pulling things out, he had yelled from
his office… “Hey TJ” So I came
into his office and that was when the actual assault happened. He had kind of cornered
me and he, he knew what he could
do where other privates wouldn't see from the bay. After the assault had happened I
ran out and I was, oh I was looking
for a battle buddy to go over to the other bay cuz I knew I needed to tell somebody.
And I was crying hysterically and
everybody was so worried about what they were doing they didn't, they didn't really stop
and pay attention to me. Like
what had just happened or asked me what was going on. I was absolutely just mortified.
I was terrified. I had no idea
what to do. And I went and I talked to this battle buddy and she was like “you’ve
got to tell somebody”. But we didn’t know who.
We were very stuck on who, who we trusted, who we thought would help us. We are on basic
training. We are new to the
rank system. We don't understand everything, we don't understand the army. And so we took
a little bit of a, a little
bit of an opportunity to kinda, kinda brainstorm and kind of think about what was going on.
Even though I was still
absolutely hysterical and I was, oh I was so lost. We had then had the opportunity to
go the PX during that day. And
while we were there it, it was just eating me alive. And I just, I couldn't, couldn't
keep it together and I had just
started bawling. And then everybody, it became more apparent that there was really something
wrong, cuz I am a very
outgoing person and there was definitely something wrong.
More privates kind of got involved. Um, particular one was a male private and he heard my story
and he was very good
friends with the drill sergeant who had done this. So as soon as we got back from the PX
he ran up there and told that
drill sergeant that I was gonna tell on him. And that was when stuff got kind of crazy.
Um, as soon as he found out, he
started throwing stuff in his office. Oh, he was swearing up and down the wall. He said
"you bring her in here". And I
was like "I am not going over there. That is not gonna happen. He can come over here
and yell at me with all these
privates in this room. He can come over here. I'm not going over there where there's nobody
over there”. Um, so those
privates went over there and told him that and he came back and said that he was gonna
come drag me by my hair if I
didn't go over there. I said I would like to request to talk to a different drill sergeant.
And that was when another
drill sergeant came up and he pulled me into that office and I had told him everything
that had happened. And he pretty
much asked me if I wanted to open up that can of worms. He said that is my battle buddy's
career that you're about to
mess with. Um, he asked me if I was dreaming. He asked me if I was lying. Um, he brought
in another drill sergeant who
was one of my other ones and that drill sergeant was like "you know we should really report
this". So they did. They
called the first sergeant.
It was on a weekend. She was not very happy about coming in on the weekend. So when she
came in, she was pretty hot. She
came in there, she questioned all three of us, and then she had all three of us write
statements. They read through them
and they made the determination that this drill sergeant wasn't smart enough to do this.
That he didn't have any reason
why he would do this. He has a family. He has a wife. So, they went with the fact that
they were just gonna keep it at
company level and kind of sweep it underneath the rug. And they didn't, didn't believe me
at all. They, the next day
they tried to tell me that I was getting chaptered out for having a lack of integrity. Um, they
moved me to a different
platoon and that platoon absolutely, none of the drill sergeants liked me at all. They
all, they all harassed me, they
all hazed me. They all had their own opinions of what, what happened. They all thought he
was a stellar drill sergeant.
During the next day we were doing combatives and this sergeant major walked by and I was
like this is it cuz I, there's
nothing else, nobody's gonna do for me. So I went and I talked to sergeant-major and
he, he, he finally put his foot
down. And he brought all the females up to that bay. He said "I need to know what's going
on. I need to know if this
drill sergeant is doing anything to anybody. Because right now I have a private with an
allegation and nobody's gonna
believe her unless there's more." And finally people broke. Finally we had hands all over
the room. We had comments that
he had said that were inappropriate. You know behavior that he shouldn't have done and there
was also some rape cases.
When I approached the sergeant-major I really had no idea if he would be able to help me
or if he had any idea of what
was going on. I pretty much was going off of a, going off of a blank sheet, just hoping
that somebody would listen. By
then I had lost faith in every single person that was wearing this uniform.
During the time where the investigation was going on, a lot of the males really, really
stuck with this drill sergeant.
They really thought he was he was great. Um, he really was a good drill sergeant. He taught
us the basics of survival
instead of sitting there doing the silly stuff, pushups and stuff. He was very good, ah, with
tactical stuff, with life
saving things. Um, so a lot of people, they did stick behind him during this. But, honestly
by then I was, if you didn't
like me, don't talk to me.
Many times people, people look at just the outside, you know, competence that somebody
has, and the outside
character and the outside way that a person presents themself from the outside this drill
sergeant was stellar. He was
fast-tracking on his way to first sergeant. He really was. Um, a lot of times people miss,
they miss the, the singling
out stuff, and they miss him pulling females to the side. Cuz if you're a male, you don't,
you don't particularly pay
attention to that. Us females, we kinda try to stick together as a team once somebody
kind of said something. "Hey this
guy's kinda creepy." We all kinda gathered on that bandwagon to kinda look out for each
other. But if you're, if you're
a male and you're not noticing it, you're kind of lost and you really just kind of think
of him as a stellar Soldier.
There was many things I could have done. Um, we thought about, thought about talking
to the chaplain. We thought
about talking to a drill sergeant. We thought about not saying a word. I confided in more
than one person which
definitely helped me get a little bit more of a view. A lot of the motivation to keep
going would be from my battle
buddies. Um, they offered to move me to a different company to get me away from everybody
in that unit, all the drill
sergeants and everything, but I opted to stay there because really during those, those three
or four days where I was
just absolutely hounded on, those females really, we really got a tight connection.
And, um, that's what the army's all about.
As a private, um, and being demeaned by so many, so many higher ranking NCOs, especially
male and female, kind of
definitely has affected me in many ways. Um, just even being here, I, I definitely act
different towards male NCOs. Like
it's, it's, it just happens. I have no control over it. If they approach me in a wrong way
or if they say "hey, you
know, this needs to be better" I take that personally instead of as a soldier. When it
comes to trusting chain of
command, you definitely say I have a little bit of issues with that as well. I am like
the first person to run up to
somebody higher and skip that middle person because to me that was, that was the only
way anybody heard me was to skip
all the way up to a sergeant-major. So that was, that was kind of the way that now is
triggered in my brain that stuff
will get done when really it should be, you know, keep it at the lowest level.
I was not the only person, um, that this drill sergeant had victimized. There were many and
there was many in that same
unit with me in that same bay. Once I had came forward, they saw what I had
went through, all the hazing, all the harassment and they were terrified.
Those, those other females had made a pact not to say anything. They weren’t gonna
say anything till the day they died.
They were gonna let me sink.
I have asked them, you know, where did you come from and how did, how did your situation
happen, and why didn't you say
anything? And they just, they all had said that they were not strong enough. They didn't
feel like they could trust
anybody there and they didn't want to put themselves out there and have people look
at 'em funny. You know, they, they
were scared. They were just like any other person would be. I was scared. Um, but when
it came down to it, they really
just wanted to know that somebody was gonna do something. Of course you're not gonna say
anything if, if somebody higher
up is telling you that they're gonna rip your rank off and kick you out. So early in the
game, that may be all you have.
You came into the army with the army. So a lot of times, people, I know from their situation
they were very scared that
they would lose their career.
While I did have the option to get out of the army, um, I choose not to. I decided that,
you know, my, my father was
prior military. My grandfather was prior military. My other grandfather was. It's not, it's not
the Army. It is the
person that did this and the people that followed him, that had bad judgment. The military doesn't
tell you to take away
your morals and your standards. Sometimes people just forget when they put on that rank
that maybe, maybe this isn't
right, or maybe they're using their rank for their own advantages.
The training that we had, um, was very interesting. In the first couple weeks we get there, they
compile every little
single little thing that they need to throw at you in a PowerPoint, death by PowerPoint.
We had so many slide shows to
go through; EO, SHARP, how to do this, how to do that. Um, when it came down to it, I
honestly can't remember one thing
particular that came from any of the videos at all because we were so tired, and we were
so beat down, and none of those videos helped me at all.
The SHARP program, definitely could have been enhanced if they had maybe a live speaker
talk about it, or if they just
had somebody that was passionate about it. I think that's where a lot of times it gets
kind of get thrown under the rug.
We just make people the SHARP, but they're not passionate about it. They have no desire
to, to really get with victims
and see how, how they operate because you can't really fix something that's a problem
if you don't understand where that
person may be coming from. A lot of the times I've ran into a few that just, they're not
approachable. As a victim, you
need to be approachable. If I can't approach you with my deepest, darkest secrets, you
are nothing. You, you are of no
help. All the training you have is nothing if I don't come forward.
For other soldiers out there, for this, you know, any, any sort of harassment or assault
or rape, bring it to somebody's
attention. It doesn't matter who, just somebody because it will eat you alive. It will stay
in you and nobody can walk
around with that for the rest of their lives and not be miserable. Like you have to tell
somebody about it. Um, that way
something can be done if there are repercussions from it. There are proper, ah, steps that
say that that is not allowed.
Um, I just want people to know that there are others out there like myself. There are,
you're not alone.