>> Stephen: WITH THE IOWA CAUCUS LESS THAN A MONTH AWAY,
CANDIDATES ARE MAKING A BIG PUSH TO GET VOTERS' ATTENTION,
INCLUDING MASSACHUSETTS SENATOR AND TOURIST GOING IN FOR A
CLOSER LOOK AT MICHELANGELO'S "DAVID," ELIZABETH WARREN.
WARREN HAS A NEW INTERVIEW WITH "ELLE" MAGAZINE, WHERE SHE
COVERED TOPICS FROM POLICY TO RELATIONSHIPS OR, AS SHE PLUGGED
IT IN A TWEET, "YOU DESERVE BETTER.
DUMP THE GUY WHO GHOSTED YOU, CONVINCE THE ROOMMATE TO LET
YOU ADOPT A DOG, AND I'LL TAKE CARE OF CANCELING YOUR STUDENT
LOAN DEBT!" WELL, FIRST OFF, FIRST OFF,
SENATOR, THAT SOUNDS LOVELY, BUT "DUMP THE GUY WHO GHOSTED YOU"?
"GHOSTED" MEANS THEY'RE ALREADY GONE!
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT AS SOON AS THEY ASK "THE LATE
SHOW" INTERNS TO EXPLAIN IT TO THEM.
THAT'S UNIVERSAL.
( APPLAUSE )
WARREN ALSO DID AN INTERVIEW WITH "COSMO," WHERE SHE DISHED
ON HER SKINCARE ROUTINE.
>> YOU KNEW THIS WAS COMING.
WHAT IS YOUR SKINCARE ROUTINE?
>> SO I HAVE-- HAD, SHE'S PASSED NOW-- BUT A MUCH OLDER COUSIN
NAMED TOOTSIE.
AND YEARS AGO, I WAS, I GUESS PROBABLY SOMEWHERE IN MY 20s,
AND WE'RE AT A BIG FAMILY REUNION.
AND TOOTSIE WAS BEAUTIFUL.
AND I LOOKED OVER AT HER, AND I SAID, "TOOTS, HOW DO YOU HAVE
SUCH GORGEOUS SKIN?" >> Stephen: I'M GOING TO
INTERRUPT REAL QUICK HERE TO POINT OUT ONLY ELIZABETH WARREN
COULD SAY THE SENTENCE, "TOOTS, HOW DO YOU HAVE SUCH GORGEOUS
SKIN" AND HAVE IT NOT BE CREEPY?
SOMEWHERE OUT THERE--
SOMEWHERE OUT THERE, JOE BIDEN IS LIKE, "OH, BUT I CAN'T SNIFF
ONE NECK?
COME ON!
COME ON, TOOTS!
I KNOW TOOTS!
TOOTS AND CORN POP."
ANYWAY.
WHAT DID TOOTS SAY?
>> SHE SAID, "POND'S MOISTURIZER EVERY MORNING, EVERY NIGHT, AND
NEVER WASH YOUR FACE."
SO FROM TOOTSIE TO ME TO YOU.
I NEVER WASH MY FACE.
>> Stephen: I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, SENATOR WARREN, BUT
I THINK TOOTS WAS MESSING WITH YOU.
( AS OLD WOMAN )
HEY, LIZ!
USE PONDS CONSTANTLY, NEVER WASH YOUR FACE, AND DID YOU KNOW
WE'RE HALF NATIVE AMERICAN?
TELL EVERYONE!
THAT'S A WRAP ON TOOTS!
TOOTS IS OUT!"
"NEVER WASH!
NEVER WASH!" "JUST DON'T BATHE!"
( LAUGHTER )
I NEVER MET HER, AND I LOVE TOOTS.
( LAUGHTER )
FORMER CANDIDATES.
ACCORDING TO THE "POST," WARREN HAD JUST FINISHED HIKING ON
WASHINGTON'S NORTH CASCADES MOUNTAINS WHEN SHE DROPPED IN
FOR LUNCH WITH JAY INSLEE, WHOSE ENDORSEMENT SHE WAS SEEKING.
OH, SHE JUST HAPPENED TO BE HIKING NEAR JAY INSLEE'S HOUSE?
WHAT'S NEXT?
SHE JUST HAPPENS TO BE ON THE SAME HALF-PIPE AS BETO O'ROURKE?
( AS WARREN )
YOU THRASH HERE, TOO?"