I'm more than just my scars.
I was involved in a plane crash.
SIRENS BLARE
I lost my mum, my dad and my brother.
I think tattoos are great,
like, it's telling a story about that person.
I've been tattooing for just under four years.
I don't think people realise the effect a tattoo
can have on someone who has struggled so much
to be who they are.
I was in a plane crash 27 years ago
where I lost my family and I sustained some burns.
So I wanted to get a tattoo done to sort of represent them
but also to decorate one of my scars.
Oh, that's so lovely.
That's really nice.
My first holiday was to India with my parents.
It was the first time I was on a plane.
We were flying from Mumbai to Bangalore
and that's when I was involved in a plane crash.
The only memory I have of the day of the crash is me
fighting with my brother, like,
because I wanted to sit by the window cos, like,
for the first time it was seeing, like, blue skies and green fields.
And I remember, like, he always got his way
when it can be things like that cos he was always the youngest,
so it was all like, "Well, you're the oldest, you should understand,"
and I just wanted to sit by the window.
And then that's all I remember from that time.
Burns are probably something that I find the most tricky to tattoo.
It's almost like a tissue damage
which leaves the skin feeling really thin, easily able to spread ink
inside, as well, so it's something that usually we try and camouflage
around or near to the burn, rather than going straight over the top.
I want you to get the best tattoo you can get...
Great. ..and I want it to age nicely so you can show it off
for all the years to come. Thank you so much.
I know she really wanted it on her arm but I think she wants
a tattoo that's going to stand the test of time more,
so I think her compromising on the space for the design is
definitely the right thing to do.
So what I'm going to do is I'm literally just going to size
this up just to make sure it's the right sort of size for the area, OK?
Right, if I can get you to move your leg just a little bit towards me,
Tulsi, if that's OK, just sort of this way.
Yeah, perfect, thank you.
Six weeks after my accident and I remember my gran telling me
that I looked different.
They removed the bandages from my eyes and I wanted to see
myself in the mirror because I want to know what these burns look like,
like, what is the big deal?
And I looked in the mirror and the person reflecting
back in the mirror wasn't me.
I thought somebody drew that face on, I'm like, "Who is that person?"
It's not until I blinked my eyes or moved my mouth that
I realised that the mirror was also doing the same thing.
And it hit me, like, that I look different.
Who is this person?
In my head, even at that moment,
I really felt it wasn't going to be like this forever.
I thought there's going to be like this magic eraser
and they're going to sort of disappear.
Cos even at that time I didn't realise that this is long-term.
How's that? Oh, wow.
Yeah? That looks so cool. You like it?
Yeah, I love.
I want to get a tiger as my tattoo because for me
the tiger represents like a mysterious beauty.
So there's more to it than just what you see from the outside.
Oh, God, where's the therapist when you need him?
I'm feeling quite nervous now.
Right, Tulsi, are you ready? Yeah.
For me, my lowest moment would have to be when I was in depression
and I didn't want to deal with anything.
I'd put on a lot of weight, I wanted to hide from the world
because again I... Like, all my scars, they were holding me back.
I was waiting at a bus stop to go to the Jobcentre
and there's this car, like, there's a group of guys in there
and they wound the window down
and they said, "You should have effing died,"
and I was like, "Whoa."
That's disgusting. So I thought...
Well, I didn't think it was about me cos I thought maybe
someone at the bus stop,
but I looked around, there was no-one there.
Just as I saw the bus coming, I was like, "Do I step in front?"
Like, "What I do?"
I was like, "But I don't want to let the Jobcentre down."
Fundamentally, I guess, it's not letting myself down, really.
So I got on the bus and I signed on and came home and I said,
"Actually, you know what? I'm not going to give them power."
I feel angry that I've missed out on that unconditional love.
You know, that I felt I deserved and I needed.
So, this is a bag that belonged to my brother
and it's the only thing I've actually kept from my past.
He was an avid fan of Thomas the Tank Engine.
And I just can't... I haven't got the heart to get rid of it, erm,
and it's a cute bag.
We were always together. We never kind of did anything separate.
Like, if we went out, it'd always be the four of us.
I tapped into my spirituality a little bit more
because I wanted some questions answered as to why them and not me.
Right, Tulsi, I'm all finished.
Oh, thank you. So we'll just sort of get you up
and then we'll go downstairs and have a look. OK, great.
Are you excited? I sure am. Let's do this. Ooh.
Let me know when I can turn around.
Whenever you're ready.
Oh, my God.
Yes. Ah! Yes! Yes, I love it.
Thank you. You're so welcome. Oh, my God, it's perfect.
I can feel you shaking.
It's perfect.
That's it, I'm wearing shorts and skirts now.
Shorts all day long, every day.
Even if it's arctic.
Yeah, cold, just got to show your tattoo off. That's it, yeah.
Having this tattoo means the world to me now, I just feel
like kind of closed another chapter and sort of opening a new one and,
yeah, it represents my family, represents me really well.
My life now is crazy,
fun and very different.
If I'm not teaching Pilates, I am doing motivational speaking,
giving out the message it's OK to just be you,
because once you accept who you are,
that's beauty in itself.