- One of the worst things to do post breakup
or after you have detached from somebody else
is to keep an open loop
and the energy going back and forth.
Now, in this video,
I'm gonna share with you the solution
that changes everything,
makes it so much easier,
actually makes it a higher probability
that you are in your own frame,
in your own energy,
and then there's an attractive energy there
so it actually magnetizes more to you.
I'm gonna show you exactly what to do,
how to do it,
and why it is absolutely necessary as a next step.
Now, the first thing with this process
is let's talk about what the no contact rule is.
And let's also talk about what happens
when you go through a breakup
or you go through a separation for someone else.
What normally happens is there is an energy
that is entangled when you are with somebody else
and you are thinking of this person a lot,
you are maybe even physically around this person a lot,
and what ends up happening
is there's a lot of energy that's going back and forth
and there's energy that's literally entangled
with this other person.
Now what happens is when there is a breakup that happens
or there is some type of separation that happens,
the energy then starts to separate.
Now what happens is sometimes one of the people,
may not want that separation to happen
so they energetically cling on.
Now what happens
is when somebody is energetically clinging on
even after the relationship has fulfilled its purpose
or at least it's ended,
what happens is as we think about people,
we are literally sending them energy.
I know this sounds a little bit esoteric,
but it is something that quantum physics shows us
is that everything exists here and now
and you have probably maybe even experienced this before
when you think of somebody and then they call you
or you have a certain intuition on different things.
It's important to understand how this energy dynamic works
because when you are thinking of somebody else,
you are sending them energy.
Now, if you went through a breakup with someone,
you may be thinking about how what happened
wasn't something that you wanted to happen.
You may be feeling lack.
You may be feeling very sad.
You may be feeling that attachment doesn't feel so good.
So, the energy that's being sent to them
is I feel lack,
I feel sad, and that energy, they are feeling.
Now, in general
when you go through a process of like unmeshing
or de separation or unattaching,
sometimes it can be because maybe somebody else wants space.
Maybe they want to be in their own energy field
and they don't,
especially when you talk about attachment styles,
you talk about anxious and avoidant and dettachment styles,
what tend to attract each other,
there is secure attachment, anxious attachment,
avoidant attachment.
Secure attachments, you're able to give
and receive love easily.
A lot of times they tend to be in relationships,
not always but a lot of times.
Anxious attachment people lean in for love
and sometimes they're trying to fix other people,
are trying to make the relationship work
and then avoidant people on the other side of that,
avoidant attachment style,
normally is pushing away love,
is a little bit afraid to get,
there's an intimacy block there
and they feel more safe, independent
and in their own energy.
So what can happen many times
is an anxious attachment style person
and avoidant attachment style, attract each other,
and this can fluctuate back and forth.
It's important not to get attached to the labels necessarily
because I've found in the past that I was anxious at times,
and then in different situations been more avoidant.
So it's like, I think we all have some of these energies
in us depending on our own emotional availability.
However, you'll find that the anxious may lean in,
the avoidant may kinda back up,
but when it comes to this energy, sometimes,
especially if this person's avoidant,
they may just want space.
They want space,
they wanna be in their own energy field.
So the anxious of contacting them, checking in on them,
trying to see how they're doing
and projecting energy at them,
they're gonna feel it,
and they're gonna wanna run away more.
Now, here is the magic of this whole thing.
I've seen this happen so many times.
No kidding.
I've seen this happen with friends,
I've seen this happen in my own life,
I've seen this happen with family members,
it's incredible how powerful this is.
But what happens is,
very common, someone may go through a breakup.
Somebody is really distraught about it,
really wants someone back,
is maybe even projecting them energy.
And then what they do is as they're projecting energy
at this person they want them,
they're maybe even texting them consistently.
What eventually happens is they're kinda sad about it,
and then they might go out with their friends.
They may go out
and they may disengage the energy they've been projecting.
They may focus on themselves.
They may have fun with their friends,
they may go out to a restaurant
or they may go play with their dog or their cat or whatever.
They might go do something where they disengage the energy.
And then maybe that happens for a period of time.
Maybe you have so much fun, you forget to reach out
because you're doing your own thing.
And then what happens?
Many times once you truly detach,
is that other person then texts you,
says, "Hey, how are you?"
Or "What's going on?"
So it's very interesting the way the no contact rule is
because it's literally a game
and it's why you might not wanna play the game anymore.
But it's a game of energy investment.
And the person that is the least attached
always holds the frame.
Doesn't mean not compassionate, not loving,
but it means the least attached to outcome.
Because there's an energy that's unwavering.
Now, for this no contact rule in understanding this
what this specifically means, is you bring your energy back.
You bring your energy back to self.
You bring the energy back inside your own body
and you stop projecting it at somebody else
thinking that that somebody else,
is the cure to your happiness,
is gonna fill up your cup.
When we're growing up,
we look to our parents to meet our needs many times.
And if they didn't meet our needs,
we'll try to find somebody else that maybe,
just maybe, can meet our needs.
So then what happens is we glorify
sometimes even put them on a pedestal
and we think of somebody
they are the savior to our happiness,
and we're trying to close the loop
of the childhood trauma, of the childhood abandonment
we may have felt.
The challenge is that we put all this pressure
on somebody else.
They feel that pressure
and then they may wanna go do their own thing
or maybe they wanna break from that pressure.
And what we have to realize
is it's not their job to do that.
We can take back our own energy
and it's like magic when you do this.
When I learned about a technique called the frame technique,
where I bring the energy to my hands and my feet,
I would then go out in a public
and notice that people respond to me very differently
just simply because I'm not projecting energy at them.
Before I would project energy at people
where I would want someone else's validation,
I would want someone else to say hi to me,
I would want someone else's approval.
And the funny thing is the less approval I need,
the more I get it.
The more I'm present inside of my own body,
the more it's like that energy is there
of the approval or whatever, but I don't need it
because I've brought my energy back.
And bringing your energy back,
is a part of the no contact rule.
The no contact rule is that if you really want
to attract somebody back,
one of the best things you can absolutely do
is to actually let them go.
To completely let them go.
Now, when I say let them go sometimes you might hear that
and say, "Okay, I'm gonna do that, Aaron.
I'm gonna let them go and then they're gonna come back."
But if you let go to get them back, this will not work
because it's a means to an end.
You're letting them go to get them back
and it means you're not really
in the energy of pulling your energy back.
You're doing it to manipulate the situation.
The key is to let go because you realize
that maybe the relationship wasn't the most healthy,
maybe you're letting go to realize
I need to stop abandoning myself.
Because that's a lot of times what we do
when we have somebody else we're trying to
fix them, to fix our parent,
or have them make our needs met
that our parents didn't meet.
And the key to this, the magic of this,
is realizing that you could stop abandoning yourself
for other people.
You can bring your energy back
and know that you are good enough the way you are.
So many times I've abandoned myself,
I've had trouble setting boundaries,
I've said yes to things I don't wanna do,
I've like you could just tell that I would
be around people that were only really around me
for some type of gain or something like that.
And a lot of that was just me not knowing
my own sense of value and worthiness,
and also feeling safe around other people
that felt like they needed me
because if I felt needed, then I felt value.
So, for this process what I had to realize,
I had to start checking in with myself saying,
what do I want?
Who am I?
Well, can I set boundaries here?
Check in with myself.
Another thing I'll share is
I've shared this a couple times
but just to show the energy of this,
I actually did this at my live event the other day,
I did the shift experience live event.
And I did this thing where I had people in the crowd I said,
I had somebody else, I experienced this
at a different life transformation place in Costa Rica.
But basically, this TEDx speaker that came in
was talking about energy.
She was an energy, like an energy physics expert.
And she said, watch this.
Everyone send me energy right now.
Everyone send me energy.
Everyone in the crowd sending their energy.
She said she felt her energy back up.
She would back up.
It literally was like pushing her away.
Repelling her.
She said, "Okay."
Now people think that if you send someone energy,
you're magnetizing them to you,
but you should now try this,
put all the energy back in your body,
feel inside your hands and your feet,
bring it back, bring it back, bring it back.
As people brought it back, she said she could feel the tug
on the energy attracting to the crowd.
Now that's because the energy dynamics
are at play to where the more embodied you are,
the more in your own frame you are,
the more you stop abandoning yourself,
the more you bring your energy back,
the more attractive you are.
However, the more you are project your energy out,
want something from somebody else,
you are diffusing your own energy,
people can feel that.
And as people feel that, it then repels them.
It's like you're chasing a dog
and if you chase a dog, it's gonna run from you.
Energetically that's the energy,
that's the game it's playing.
And reality is simply reflecting back the energy
we're putting out.
And if we're putting out the energy of
putting out that energy and sporadically scattering it,
then people feel that and it repels them.
But being in your own frame
is one of the most magnetic thing you can do,
things you could do.
Now, something I'm gonna be doing as well
is a 21-day confidence challenge.
This is brand new, July 1st, the 21st
go through a process with me and thousands of others
as we completely transform our confidence
from the inside out, we remove fear, we remove doubt,
and we learn how to really remove the blocks
to us feeling self love so that we can either attract love,
or go deeper in our own relationship.
So this is the 21-day confidence challenge.
I'm super excited about this.
There's gonna be live sessions, breath work,
so many different cool things.
And if you wanna join now is the best time to join
to get all the bonuses and lifetime access.
Go to www.aarondoughty.com/confidence.
Or you can just click the link
on the top of the description box below.
And then also, there's a video right here
for why they always come back when you let them go.
It's one of my most powerful videos for wiring this concept.
Watch it right here.
Simply watching this video right here,
will increase the probability
of someone actually coming back.
And in this video,
I'm gonna show you the five reasons someone will come back
and the five things you can actually do about it.