G’day! Today we’re reviewing barbecuing
because winter is coming in Australia and
I didn’t do a lot of barbecuing in summer.
I have regrets.
That is a wet piece of meat.
Yup. I’m immediately opening on
barbecue porn.
No offense to my vegetarian viewers,
I am an open-minded bloke
who will devour a plant based burger
any day, but
barbecuing is one of the greatest inventions ever,
followed by fire itself,
of course.
[Tom Hanks: "Look what I have created!"]
Cranking up a BBQ is
what helped us grow a brain
back in the day,
and when used correctly,
it's an incredible tool!
Okay, this isn’t the correct way to use a BBQ.
Nor is this.
That’s BBQ abuse.
Nor this.
Now somehow
we’ve managed to shrink our brains.
THIS is the way to do it.
An ingenious melding of machine
and nature
to create hydro powered
rotisserie chickens.
There’s something very satisfying
about committing your entire day
to cookery.
Spinny spinny, chicken dinny.
This crafty legend has built a grill
and smoker
into a filing cabinet.
He’s got the coals down the bottom burning away
and in the top draw,
fuck me,
there’s half of Old McDonald’s farm.
Chooks, cows, pigs.
In the next draw, tax returns?
Nah,
the other half of Old McDonald’s bloody farm.
One majorly positive aspect of barbecuing
is that it’s classless.
Zuckerberg is a billionaire
and he loves smokin’ his meats.
["Yeah someone asked me do I smoke meat?
smoking meat
smoking these meats
smoking meats early in the day
smoking these meats just
set the charcoal up
and set the wood chips up
and then smoking meats..."].
Okay, we get it little buddy.
You enjoy fire and feasting
as much as the next animal human.
Caractacus Potts here has converted an entire car
into a grill.
The engine drives the wheels
and through a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
spinny pulley system
pumps the heat.
Then when you hit the desired temperature
you chuck on ya kebabs.
Fuck yes, Caractacus!
Remember Salt Bae?
I could never get into this meme.
I’m too much of a fan of Satay Bae.
Look at this Master Chef,
liberally applying his nuts and spices
while busting out the SICKEST
of dance moves.
It’s all about the party.
This fella is cooking steak
with molten aluminum.
Apparently, it doesn’t stick to the meat,
so it cooks it without turning it into Viserys Targeryen...
[Screaming]
That said, I dunno if you can eat it
because of all the chemicals,
in which case,
why not just cook a barbie
with LAVA.
There you go.
Much more practical.
Okay, this is synthetic lava,
because cooking over real actual lava
is dangerous.
No one would do that.
Okay, one guy has done that.
Maybe more.
But yeah, at least here,
you can eat the meat.
The point is avoid chemicals
in ya BBQ.
In conclusion
barbecuing can become
overly indulgent and excessive,
don’t get carried away with upgrades
or wasting food.
Some people treat is as a small-time hobby,
where they live within their means.
And that’s
nice on multiple levels.
Never forget that’s about the party,
the atmosphere, and getting together.
Satay Bae knows this.
He fucken knows it.
Holy cock-a-doodle-doo!
How did I nearly miss this video?
Look at this work of art.
The gyro grill.
360 degrees,
3 separate axis – axises
Axeez?
Whatever.
Harmonious, spinny, flippy, perfection.
Whoever invented this is the Einstein
of barbecuing.
Fuck me silly.
It is mesmerizing,
hypnotic,
and yeah nah,
it’s – it's made me bloody hungry.