- So how can you respond
or what do you say when a guy gets too sexual
too early in the interaction?
One of my coaching clients this last week
was talking about this guy she met online,
really likes him, seems like a quality guy,
they had great interaction,
he asked her out for a date Saturday night.
She said yes and then leading up to the date,
she noticed the conversation to get
a little bit sexual right on the edge.
Wasn't inappropriate, but he was saying things like,
hey, maybe after our date,
we can come back to my place and hang out.
And she thought, hmm, maybe he's expecting sex.
What can I say to help this guy
have the right expectation for our date?
That's exactly what we're gonna talk about today.
Check it out.
(calm music)
Hey, this is Mat Boggs,
the founder of the Love and Relationship division
of the Brave Thinking Institute
and our mission is empowering people to create
and live a life they love living
and that includes in your love life.
So today we're talking about what can you say
when a guy gets too sexual too early in the interaction.
I know this happens a lot and it's important to understand
that men will form four connections with you.
They'll form a sexual connection with you
because they're attracted to you physically
but they'll also form a mental connection,
an emotional connection and a spiritual connection.
Early on in the relationship, he may not feel
spiritually connected, emotionally connected,
or even that mentally connected to you.
So a man who doesn't have those connections with you
has really nothing to risk
to put out the sexual advance if you reject him
because he's not attached to you yet.
So know this, if a man gets too sexual too early,
one option you have is just to cut it off and say: "No,
I'm not interested in a guy who had just advanced
because that's all he's looking for."
But there are those moments
when it's kind of a soft advance.
It's not vulgar, it's not over the top,
it's like right in between.
And you kind of like this guy, there's some potential there.
So what can you do in those moments
to just slow his roll a little bit,
but not completely reject him?
And there's three steps to this formula.
The first one is to: Affirm your interest,
the second: Set a boundary, and the third:
Set an expectation.
So this client of mine likes this guy,
it was kind of soft advances, leaning having a sexual tone.
She was like, what can I say?
So the first thing to do is: Affirm your interest in him.
This means that you are sharing that you like him,
you like the connection you have with him
and that lets him know
that you're not completely turned off
or completely disgusted or completely opposed
to what he's saying, but that the timing is not right.
So saying something like,
"Hey, I'm really enjoying the connection we're sharing"
or "I'm really enjoying my conversations with you."
That's the first shot across the bow.
The second is to set a boundary,
where you say "and this is getting a bit too sexual
this early on."
So it's not that it's too sexual period,
but it's too sexual "this early on."
And the third step is to set expectations.
This is where you text him,
"I wanna make our expectations are in alignment.
I reserve sex for someone
with whom I'm in a committed relationship.
Do you still want to meet up?"
And I love that because what it shows is your standard,
it shows that if he earns the right
to have a committed relationship with you, then game on,
you're gonna have an amazing sexual relationship with him,
but that you're not there yet.
So it gives them something to work for
and it also puts the ball in his court for the decision.
Do you still wanna meet up?
So that way, if he chooses in,
he knows exactly what he's choosing in for.
Simple, powerful! I highly suggest you use this.
Again, this isn't to be used when the guy
who is super sexual really early on.
That guy is just in it for sex.
So if you don't want that same thing,
then cut that guy loose.
This is to be used for the guy who starts
to get a little bit too sexual a little bit too early
and you wanna make sure the pacing of the relationship
is where it feels comfortable for you.
My question for you is: what phrase have you learned
that's a great way to just slow things down a bit
but still keep the attraction high?
Go ahead and post that in the comment section below.
I appreciate you, thanks for watching
and here's to your amazing love life.
(lively music)