What should you do if you’re trying to get a second chance with your ex, but they’ve
started to pull away or grow cold and distant? How can you turn things around to make them
miss you, want you, and change their mind about breaking up? That’s what I’ll be
covering right here in this video.
I’m Breakup Brad, and I’m YouTube’s #1 breakup coach… through my best-selling
Ex Factor program and my 1-on-1 coaching program, I’ve helped over 130,000 people re-unite
with an ex. After this video is over, visit BreakupBrad.com and watch my full free video
tutorial to learn many more techniques to make your ex want you back.
But now, let’s get into the topic at hand: what to do if your ex grows cold, becomes
distant, or seemingly loses interest.
Now, this kind of situation is actually pretty common. Even if you’ve done everything right
since the breakup -- you followed all the strategies I recommend in my program and here
in my YouTube videos, you’ve been patient and employed a period of No Contact, and maybe
you even made some good progress with your ex and felt like you were starting to change
their mind about the breakup. But then… you hit a brick wall and your ex starts taking
longer to reply to your messages, or ignores them altogether. They stop showing signs of
interest, and start backing away or appear to be growing more and more distant. This
is a scary situation for anyone hoping to get a second chance with their ex, but as
you’ll learn in this video, it doesn’t mean you should completely lose hope.
First of all, I want to make one thing perfectly clear: for most people facing this kind of
situation, the danger is not that their ex is losing interest… it’s what they typically
do in reaction to their ex’s cold and distant behaviour. Most people start to panic at this
point, and they begin to make mistakes that only serve to further hurt their chances.
That’s because the natural instinct for anyone in this scenario is to chase their
ex even more aggressively… they’ll reach out to their ex more frequently and start
becoming desperate. This is the WRONG way to handle things, but unfortunately I see
my clients make this mistake very regularly.
The right way to respond to this type of situation is to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING… which is, of
course, the opposite of what every fibre in your body is telling you to do. You WANT to
pick up the phone and call your ex to ask what they’re doing or why they suddenly
cancelled your plans to go for coffee…. Fear of losing your ex makes you want to tighten
your grip on the situation and take action to stop the downward spiral.
But you can’t do that. You need to have enough self-control to avoid making that mistake.
The last thing you want to do if your ex suddenly seems to be backing away or losing interest
is to try and actively prevent it. You can’t show your ex that their coldness or apathy
bothers you, and you can’t show any signs of neediness or desperation. If you start
spamming your ex with multiple messages… if you begin asking them things like, “hey
why arent you responding??” or “do you just hate me now??”... you’re just going
to make your ex even more irritated by pestering them, and your desperation will become very
obvious. This will slowly destroy the progress you’ve made up to that point, and make it
more difficult to change how your ex feels about you and the possibility of getting back
together.
So, if you recognize that you’re in this kind of situation, here’s what you need
to do: take a deep breath, and do whatever you have to in order to prevent yourself from
panicking or taking any kind of drastic action. To begin with, don’t contact your ex at
all for at least a few days… or preferably even longer. Sometimes, depending on how far
along you are in the process of winning him or her back, you might need to avoid contact
for several weeks. Remember: pretty much ANYTHING you try to do to actively change how your
ex feels, or to try and stop them from growing cold and distant, is only going to have the
opposite effect.
I know this is a lot harder than it sounds, especially if you’re terrified that you
might be losing them for good. But please, please trust me on this… I’ve been a breakup
coach for over 13 years, and I can promise you that if you start getting desperate or
pester your ex at this point, you’re only going to put a nail in the coffin and kill
your chances of ever getting them back.
If you need some encouragement and support… or if you need a second opinion on how best
to navigate this kind of make-or-break situation… you can always sign up for a month of my 1-on-1
personal coaching and get my ongoing help. When you register for my coaching, you can
share all the details of your specific situation and I’ll then work with you to create a
plan to turn things around with your ex. To learn more or sign up right now, please visit
BreakupBrad.com/coaching.
Now, here’s a few more tips for handling this situation…
#1 - Don’t talk about the situation with your friends or family, either, if you can
avoid it. This is especially true when it comes to mutual friends, who might tell your
ex if they hear you complaining about their sudden change of heart and lack of interest.
#2 - Keep yourself occupied and stay busy, because otherwise you’ll torture yourself
by overanalyzing and worrying about everything your ex says and does. It’s best to try
and think about your ex as little as possible while you’re in this situation… talking
about it with friends might feel good, but it actually just fixates your thoughts on
the issue and causes your fears and anxiety to get worse.
#3 - Consider re-engaging in a period of No Contact. Often, ignoring your ex for a while
-- a week or two, for instance -- can solve the problem. It’s common for people to have
mixed feelings and up-and-down mood swings after a breakup, and your ex may just be in
a ‘down’ phase at the moment, hence the cold and distant behaviour. At the very least,
by ignoring your ex when you sense him or her backing away, you’re ensuring that you
don’t make matters worse.
#4 - Bring back some fun and humour to any interactions with your ex. If you still get
the sense your ex is losing interest and backing away after you cut off contact for a while,
then your next step is to break the ice with something FUN and super brief and casual…
for instance, don’t re-open the lines of communication by asking your ex if they want
to talk about your breakup. Well, I actually strongly recommend you do NOT do that, but
I think you know what I mean… don’t say anything that might come across as needy,
boring, or require an extensive response from your ex.
Instead, just make him or her laugh. Share an inside joke or short anecdote that happened
to you recently. Or send them a link to a funny Tik Tok video or meme. Or bring up a
happy nostalgic memory that will bring a smile to your ex’s face. Whatever it is, just
keep it short, upbeat, and friendly. Act like there’s nothing wrong and you’re not worried
or panicked about their recent coldness. These are the kinds of things that will make your
ex WANT to talk to you, and you can build on it from there…
#5 - Always remember not to show any desperation or fall back into any old needy or clingy
habits. Make your ex want to talk to you and be around you, and they’ll stop backing
away and start to regain interest. The more you try to tighten your grip on your ex and
on the situation, the further you’ll push them away. By being calm and collected and
acting like you don’t really care about them anymore, you’ll inject some urgency
to the situation and make them wonder why you’re not chasing after them like they’re
expecting.
#6 - Take my free quiz at BreakupBrad.com/Quiz and follow the custom recommendations in your
quiz results report. When you take my free 5-minute quiz, you’ll see a detailed results
report that explains your chances of getting them back, along with a series of specific
recommended actions you should be taking to maximize your odds moving forward. Again,
take the quiz for free right now at BreakupBrad.com/Quiz.
OK, I think we’ll wrap this one up here… please have faith in the advice I’ve just
shared in this video, and don’t try to ‘wing it’ or go with your gut. If you need my
help, you can sign up for my coaching any time at BreakupBrad.com/coaching… or you
can drop me a quick question in the comments below and I’ll do my best to get back to
you as soon as I can.
Thanks for liking and subscribing, and see you in the next video! Good luck out there.