Hi everyone!
Welcome back to Lavendaire.
It’s Aileen.
Today I’m gonna share mistakes that I’ve made in my early 20’s.
And this is a collaboration video with Jenny Mustard.
I’m sure a lot of you have seen Jenny’s videos before, but if you haven’t:
Jenny makes videos on YouTube about lifestyle, minimalism, veganism, and more.
Basically, she has this beautiful, minimal aesthetic to her videos and a quirky personality,
so she’s really fun to watch.
Jenny also made a video on mistakes that she’s made in her 20’s,
so I’ll link it right here in the card above and down below.
So check that out after you watch this video.
By the way, I know this video is titled “MistakesI Made in My 20’s”,
but I’m currently 27 so I still have a few more years of mistakes to make,
so I’m just gonna look back ten years and consider the mistakes I’ve made from 17 to 27.
So the first big mistake - and this is a juicy one because I’ve never shared it online before
is I actually got fired from my first internship in college.
This was when I was 18 years old, the summer after my first year of college.
Was I 18?
Yeah, I was 18.
Basically, it was a really exciting position at E! News.
So I was a wardrobe stylist assistant.
I got to work on set of E! News,
where the first day I got to meet Ryan Seacrest, Giuliana Rancic, and Denise Richards,
these celebrities, right?
So I was like, “Oh my god, this is such a cool job!”
So I was really excited to be there, and yet because it was my first internship,
I just didn’t know how to act.
I didn’t know how to take initiative.
There’s just so many things that I did wrong in hindsight.
Basically, before this internship, I was used to the schooling system
where when you go to class, you’re told what to do, you have a syllabus,
you have homework, you follow the rules,
and you just do what you’re told and then you get an A in the class, and that’s it.
So I kind of went into the internship with that background, I guess.
In that setting, I thought I was trying my best.
I was doing whatever I was told to do.
And yet most of the time, the job was really idle.
There was a lot of downtime and so I had no idea what to do during that downtime.
And because this was a fashion-related job, I had a desk and I was like,
“You know what? I’m just gonna browse fashion blogs during my free time,”
so in case anyone walks by, they know I’m looking up fashion stuff.
So during most of my free time at that internship, I would just be at the computer,
browsing Lookbook, fashion blogs, just waiting for work to come to me.
And yet - it was just so quiet.
I was like, “Well, what do I do? I guess I’ll just sit here.”
And then, one and a half months later, one of the girls took me aside, sat me down,
and let me go from the job.
She just basically told me, “Hey Aileen, you’ve been here for a month and half,
and I haven’t really gotten to know you.
I haven’t seen you take initiative.”
She just told me all these things.
They had a different expectation that I didn’t even know was possible.
And honestly, in my eyes, I did not see that coming.
I had no idea that I was gonna get fired.
And then when she let me go, I was like, “What the heck just happened?
What did I do wrong?”
After hearing her feedback, I realized that there were a lot of things that I could have
been doing during that free time of my internship that I was just wasting.
I could’ve been using that time to actually talk to people.
I didn’t know that I was allowed to talk to other employees in the office
and outside of that office, because it’s a pretty big building.
I didn’t know that I was allowed to talk to people, because technically,
I could have used that time to talk to people and learn about everyone’s jobs in all the different departments.
Another thing she said was I could’ve taken more initiative to find work to do for myself
when there was no work given to me.
For example, cleaning up the closets, picking up the hangers, steaming random clothes,
whatever work needed to be done, to pick it out myself and just do it without someone telling me to do it.
And lastly, I was honestly just really shy at that point in my life that I would never ask questions.
I would never talk to people, even the people that I worked with every day directly.
I would just keep to myself, scroll the blogs.
I would dress up and try to look as fashionable as possible for the job,
thinking that that’s what people wanted.
I just wanted to impress others, rather than talk to them.
So instead of trying to impress people by the clothes I was wearing
and what I was browsing on the computer,
I should’ve just talked to people, asked questions, learn as much as possible from that internship.
So getting fired from that internship taught me so much,
that I really had to go out and take initiative in the real world,
I had to create work, find ways to help people without them telling me what to do.
And I think that was a big shift, because I was this A+ student in school.
I did everything perfectly, if you gave me the rules, the homework.
But in the real world, I was like, “Oh, it’s not the same.
It’s not the same as school.
I have to actually think for myself.”
So I’m actually really grateful I got fired from that internship because it taught me a lot.
It taught me so much about how to act in future internships.
I did like six or seven internships, so with each experience,
I learned something and then tried it in the next one.
Learned something new, tried it in the next one, so that by the time I graduated,
I started working for a startup.
At that point, I knew I had to take initiative.
I had to do that job, do that job, just create my own work for myself.
And that’s a skill that really, really helped me in life because I got to apply it to everything that I do today.
Another huge mistake I made in my early 20’s was spending too much time worrying about the future.
And I know a lot of people do this.
A lot of people, when they’re young and in that uncertain stage of life,
you just want to get everything figured out right now.
You want to be successful right now.
And basically, I was always looking at the future, being anxious or just not happy with
where I am now, and I never took the time to fully live in the present moment.
I feel like I was literally a zombie during a lot of my teenage and early 20 years.
I never was fully there, you know what I mean?
I have really bad memory of those years because I feel like I just blew past them.
Honestly, when I think back at my college years, I really wish I spent more time enjoying
the experience, hanging out with friends, and just doing nothing.
I wish I spent more time hanging out, doing nothing,
because those are the times you get to bond with those people more,
and I felt like I went through college really busy.
I always had activities.
I was always doing so much, whether it was working internships, doing dance - I was in a sorority.
All these things took up so much of my time that I was always in a go-go-go mentality.
And even though I lived in an apartment with roommates, I would never see my roommates
because I would never be at home.
I would always be out.
And if I came home, it was to change, eat, and go out to the next thing.
And so I was always on the go.
I never took the time to really calm down, be mindful, enjoy the present moment,
just relax and enjoy my youth with friends,
because that’s the time where you can really just hang out and get to know each other.
I don’t know, I just feel like I could’ve done more bonding socially vs.
trying to be so ambitious and productive and on the go, because I really didn’t get to enjoy my life.
Another mistake I’ve made that’s kind of been a life-long mistake
that I’ve taken many, many years to and something improve and correct at,
is being late all the time.
Growing up, I’ve always been the late kid.
Always late to school, always late to class.
And I think, when I was young, I just have memories of my mom taking us to school, being really late.
and part of it was my mom’s the late person so she would make us late, trained
and then it trained us to be late people.
And living in the real world, I’ve had to learn that you have to respect other people’s time,
and when you’re late to events, late when you’re meeting up with people,
it shows that you’re being selfish.
You’re not respecting this person’s time.
More and more, I try my best now to be on time and I’m so much better at it.
Part of the reason is because I work for myself.
I don’t have to show up to work every day.
Whenever I had to show up to something every day on a set schedule,
especially if it’s in the morning, I would always be late.
Work? Always be late.
School, class? Always be late.
I would miss a lot of classes as well.
I’ve gotten in a lot of trouble in high school for not going to class, or going late to class.
And in college, it doesn’t matter if you’re late to class.
College was easier for me.
But I would say, one of the most frustrating consequences of being late is -
The year after I graduated college, I entered a singing competition for Chinese television.
I was making it through the ranks of the singing competition.
Just imagine something like American Idol where you have people call in to vote and
there’s levels to this.
Basically I made it to the top ten.
And there would always be rehearsals and there was one time that we had a show on a Friday night.
and we went out with all the contestants afterwards.
We were drinking and partying until late.
And then Saturday morning, we had to show up to a rehearsal which was mandatory.
I have a problem with forcing myself to wake up in the morning.
It’s just really difficult, especially if I don’t want to wake up.
Basically, I just didn’t feel like getting up that day, and I couldn’t.
It was tough.
It was difficult.
So I got up when I could get up and I went to that rehearsal late.
So what happened was: The producers of the show just had it.
They were so mad that day.
And they basically told me, “You’re disqualified.
You’re off the show.
You’re not gonna sing, even if you’re in the top ten.
You’re just not gonna sing.
We’re not gonna let you perform and be on the show.”
And that, that was heartbreaking because I didn’t realize that was a consequence.
I was sad.
I was also very embarrassed to tell all my friends and family who knew I was in the show.
I was embarrassed to tell everyone I was disqualified because I was late to a rehearsal.
It was just the stupidest reason to get kicked off the show.
After that, I was really sad about the situation.
But I emailed the producers.
I just apologized and I just asked,
“Can I please perform?
Can you just please let me perform?
I don’t have to be in the competition, but I prepared this song.
I’ve been going to rehearsals.
Let me perform.”
Thankfully they were kind enough to let me perform my song,
even though I wasn’t considered a contestant in the show.
I was more of a special guest for that episode.
And I just remember, after my performance - I killed it.
I think I killed it.
I practiced so much and I had a lot of fun.
I just love performing.
I love music and singing, everything.
So after my performance - my friends brought signs.
My family made signs: “Let Aileen sing!”
It was so cute.
But the judges, they just said, “That was amazing.
It’s such a shame that you weren’t in this competition.
Good luck with everything you’re doing.”
And that was it.
So I didn’t get to be part of the competition, but I’m happy I got to perform.
I got to show something of myself.
But that was just an experience that I was just embarrassed.
Really, I had to let my lateness affect this?
So yeah, that’s probably the second most dramatic thing that’s happened to me
because I was late to something.
The first most dramatic was when I got into a lot of trouble in high school
and the teachers threatened to homeschool me, blah blah blah.
Don’t want to get into that.
I think I talked about it on my podcast, so I’ll link it down below because these are all just long life stories.
But I’ll also link my performance at that show as well, if you want to watch it,
because that video’s still up on YouTube.
My last mistake I’ll share today is: In my teens and early 20’s,
I basically lived for others rather than for myself.
So I lived to meet others’ expectations of me.
I lived to prove something of myself to others.
I just lived to impress others and please others.
Honestly, a lot of it was wanting to look good for my family, because they wanted me
to be this perfect, good student, high-achieving person,
and I just did my best to do that because I just did what was told of me back then.
And I basically started shifting, junior, senior year of college.
That’s when I had this transformation shift where I started to learn to think differently
and start to live for myself,
meaning: make all the choices in my life for myself in order to make me happy.
That was during the time where I was figuring out what to do with my life, what career to go into
And I’ve shared a lot about that also in my other videos and podcasts that I’ll link below as well.
But honestly, when planning this video, it was hard for me to find mistakes that I’ve made in my 20’s,
because I feel like, once I started to make decisions for myself and make decisions for
my happiness and my life,
it led me down this path of working random jobs, eventually creating Lavendaire,
exploring music, all of these things that I ultimately don’t regret.
So I don’t know if I’ve made any big mistakes.
Another thing is: I always look at life experiences as a learning opportunity.
So even if I did something wrong or failed here, I won’t see it as a mistake.
I’ll just see it as “This happened and I learned this from it, so it was actually good.”
So that’s why it’s harder for me to pinpoint actual mistakes I’ve made in my later 20’s,
because I feel like once you start living for yourself then all the choices that you make,
you’re responsible for them.
But also, those choices that you make for your happiness, all of them are worth it in the end.
You’ll never regret making those choices because ultimately, they help form this dream life,
even if they might not lead you in the direction you expected them to.
I don’t think there’s a way you can go wrong if you continually follow your heart,
listen to your intuition, and do what’s best for yourself.
The most important thing is to live for yourself and not for others.
That’s the lifelong journey.
Alright, I hope you enjoyed this video.
Again, don’t forget to check Jenny Mustard’s video.
I’ll link it here and down below.
I love you all so much.
And since you’re here, make sure you subscribe.
Also follow my Instagram.
I’m trying to be more active on Instagram.
I’m always posting Insta Stories and stuff.
So I’ll see you on those other platforms.
Love you all.
Bye!