- Yeah right, man.
- [Customer Service Rep] So what can I help you with today?
- You know, I forgot why I called.
But we've got such a good vibe going,
let's just keep talking.
- Look, I was calling about something entirely different,
but your phone menu is entirely confusing,
and terrible, and stupid, and unusable.
And I had to call four times
just to get through the correct sub-menus.
Are you trying to lose customers?
(hold music)
- [Customer Service Rep] Thanks for holding.
Can I help you?
- Dude, that hold music is so cool.
Do you think you have, like, a Spotify playlist
you could share with me?
- Thank you very much
for your detailed outline to my problem,
I shall implement your instructions immediately,
without any variations of my own.
- My account says it has a balance of $17.
- [Customer Service Rep] You have fraudulent charges?
- No, I just haven't checked it in three years,
and I'm surprised that there's that much there.
- Well I hate to complain,
but I was at one of your stores today,
and one of the sales representatives did not give me
the best experience.
- [Customer Service Rep] Okay.
Can you tell me what happened?
- Well he just, he wasn't smiling enough.
- [Customer Service Rep] So you're saying he was rude?
- No, no.
He just wasn't smiling enough.
- [Customer Service Rep] Thanks for your call, sir.
Have a nice day.
- Don't tell me what to do.
- Well my concern is that the introductory rate
of your card is very misleading.
- [Customer Service Rep] Okay,
so what's your account number?
- Well I don't have an account,
I'm just concerned about the people who do.
- [Automated Voice] The current wait time is five minutes.
- Whoa.
Forget that.
I don't need to pay my taxes anyway.
- Can I really not just figure this out on my own?
Crap, alright, let's see if other people can help me.
- Hey, so where's your call center located?
- [Customer Service Rep] Oklahoma.
- Ooh, Oklahoma.
- [Customer Service Rep] Yeah.
- Very cool.
You know I played Curly in Oklahoma in high school.
You know the musical Oklahoma?
♪ Oklahoma ♪
- [Customer Service Rep] Yeah, yeah, huh.
- So, so what's the weather like out there?
Is it pretty good?
- [Customer Service Rep] Do you have a question
about your account, sir?
- Uh, not really.
- Look, we both know you're in a dying industry
that will be irrelevant in 10 years.
So why don't you just give me the refund,
and we'll call it a day.
- Manager.
Let me talk to your manager.
- [Customer Service Rep] Sir
- Manager, manager, no, no, no, I don't care.
- [Customer Service Rep] Sir I can't, I'm sorry, I can't
- Put him on.
Put the manager on right now.
- [Customer Service Rep] Fine.
- [Manager] Manager speaking.
- CEO.
I wanna talk to the CEO.
- [Manager] Sir, we can't
- I don't care, put him on, put him on right now,
I don't care.
- [Manager] Sir.
- Get him on the phone.
- [Customer Service Rep] And then,
my girlfriend broke up with me last week,
it's just been really hard, you know, man?
- Yeah, yeah.
- [Customer Service Rep] Yeah.
- So, about my billing question.
- [Customer Service Rep] So,
can I help you with anything else today?
- Can you help me not be an empty shell of a human being?
- [Customer Service Rep] Uh, no sir, I can't.
- Okay.
- Hey, yeah, I need some assistance with my account, please.
(exhaling loudly)
Okay, that went pretty good.
I think I have practiced this enough.
I am ready to actually make the call.
(uplifting music)
(claps)