[Applause]
what's going on Joe well you know I was
fired at the end of the last series well
Steve she fired me brick I what have you
been up to Joe I was fired at the end of
the last series which is what
have you been up to since I got fired
from the last show you prick oh
mate you know they fired me laughs
seriously new you prick
she'll tell you all right yeah I'm fine
way out of it just ask him what why have
you been up to
it's been a busy week you know because
she fired me because you're a turd to
make a few extra you know bit of cash
they've been doing a few medical
experiments on this really had any side
effects so what's going on Jimmy is you
fired me
so make a bit of cash done a bit of a
deal got a sponsor for the show show is
now sponsored by Bannister company it's
actually my half-brother
Fabio's company
[Laughter]
I'm in a bit of a bad mood
a bit pissed off and this is what
happens happens they always does quite a
lot of radioactive waste so what why are
you in a bad mood you try get a piss
because you fired me
that's why I ripped the door off your
car Joe are you wearing a wedding dress
Joe Oh bill is really dubious feel a bit
of a cock-up prize this round you can
win an owl you get to smash it out we
get a name made of shells of course your
spider shells necessary way to like give
it away for others okay they have not
won an hour six
Joe you can't smoke on television oh did
you just inhale bubbles
[Laughter]
[Applause]
I'll be honest we have struggles get
work and the only job the job center
could get me name was on a show called
The Only Way Is Essex you're on Tommy
but why are you dressed like that you
wanted me out
just asking but well it's uh it's
because if you're gonna go on the only
wise Essex you have to be glamorous and
what's more glamorous than a mermaid is
a card from Joe Wilkinson I'm pretty
sure it's from Joe do Jimmy I have a new
job now so you can stick countdown up
your arse NASA have sent me to a new
planet as part of an intergalactic
exchange program and in return they have
sent an alien in my place so he's gonna
be on the show instead of me if you have
a problem with that tough Joe
Wilkinson right so I guess please
welcome the alien we've swapped for Joe
Wilkinson all right so you're an alien
from another planet are you probably
just you look a lot like Joe bucket yeah
I've heard about that
yeah verbal at pretty similar and main
differences on our planet we were bare
ice oh yeah we've got these
[Applause]
[Laughter]
you're right Joe what have you been up
to you mate um well well cuz you were
far me cuz you're a prick I've Connor
gone back to being an inventor so
starting to vent it again myself you
could this is actually one of my
inventions it's actually a a baby
propose for adults only downside is you
need a giant who's prepared to carry you
around for the optimum this one's mine
exclaimed totally clean yeah Tuffy's my
best idea well bring it on bring it on
well shoot stress wonder over
no better way of when the UK Strongest
Man is struggling today I made a robot
with both half-brother Fabio Fabio jaw
bring on mate
I mean it's very realistic took me
through well we we got pissed up on
Sunday afternoon and found a soldier
Adan and we built that comes with some
nasty features like it's it's got a
pocket with an arm bread in it robot
retractable salad service it's really
troubling to watch
Wow
Joe if you got a mascot yeah I found I
bought one in my collection of countdown
indoor tropical water features so that's
all of us on here having a nice tide
there Shawn seashore there we have the
lovely time shout little pigeon John on
holiday yeah a slightly more
body-consciousness Shawn
so he's wearing a t-shirt with no
trousers and pants on and that's the
only one that's life-size got Jimmy here
lounging lovely tire cocktail otherwise
happy absolutely no genitals
okay the price that seems we can be
Tibor tonight is this the countdown
horse riding kits
okay the fun thing about this is Fabio
doesn't know how to do a little garlic
skin he's been practicing all afternoon
the prize is the prize the teams will be
competing for is this the countdown
horse riding kids
[Applause]
I would like a vowel please rate thank
you John oh and I would like a consonant
please see and another vowel please
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
hello Joe all right Jimmy oh gosh so I
should really be drink-driving what why
are you here Joe you you know you don't
work here anymore
oh yeah god you're sick as pigs are you
that should be smoking I dropped my
in there really I'm doing a bonus round
Jimmy but we don't have a bonus round do
you not I'll be able to see you let's
piss me off a little bit I'll Drive this
up from South London
for months it took me I caused a hundred
11 accidents and it's Fabio's birthday
that's good Joe can I can I ask why
Fabio's got a toilet seat around his
neck it's why he wanted for his birthday
is a idiot let's go Jimmy's an
right hello train driver who
just nipped in for a piss
I'm gonna call yours mrs. fernsby my old
geography things yeah because you're
small and wrinkly and have a birthmark
down the side of your shaft you're
welcome I just named your anus