The Walking Dead: Part 3 review is out now on yourmoviesucks.org. It'll be on YouTube within a week, but you can watch it there early.
The Silent Hill franchise is one of the most iconic franchises in gaming; the first three and a half of them are great.
So it's no surprise that someone would eventually want to make a film adaptation, and what better time to release it than 2006?
Now, although fourteen-year-old me had only played a couple of the games at the time,
I still had a huge interest in the franchise, and the horror genre as a whole, so I was pretty stoked before I came out.
And there's a few interesting things I found out about the production.
It is kinda hilarious how Sean Bean's character didn't even exist in the first submission of the script,
and also kinda telling, based on how important his character is.
The studio sent back the script to Christophe Gans and Roger Avary, with a memo saying "Where the fuck are the male characters?"
What's interesting to note about the screenwriter Roger Avary, is he actually worked on a lot of Quentin Tarantino movies in the past,
and as for the director Christophe Gans, although I don't think there is a great director,
what I appreciate about his involvement in the film is this:
He wasn't just some director for hire, that the studio got because they knew that they could make money off an already existing series,
he's a legitimate fan of the games, who spent five years trying to convince Konami to give him the rights to make the movie.
Although the movie could have been much better, he at least put in the effort to try and make something that the fans would appreciate.
And I gotta say, despite this not really being a great movie, it is a pretty good movie for the fans,
which is actually saying a lot, for a film adaptation of a video game.
Arguably, this film is the best of its kind. I mean, what else do we even have to choose from? Come on!
It's not often that a film, and especially a video game adaptation,
is able to capture the tone and feel of its original source material so well. Not only did they get a lot of the set design down to a T,
but there was an understanding of certain elements that attracted people to the games in the first place,
most notably, the soundtrack by Akira Yamaoka.
Any fan of the games would tell you just how important the music is to the series, and I'm glad the decision was made to use it in the film.
I mean, it's just so stupid when things are changed that don't have to be changed.
You know, if a Mass Effect movie gets made, and Garrus is just going to be a computer-animated model anyway,
then you might as well use the original voice actor.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it, especially if you'd be changing what fans already love.
Since the music was already made, it's good that actually fit the scene and didn't feel out of place.
In a decent amount of the scenes, it's almost as if they wrote it with those specific songs in mind.
Sure, there was additional music scored for the film, but it wasn't distractingly different enough to make me feel as though it didn't fit.
Despite all these things going for it, I'd still only probably give it a five or six out a ten.
Sean Bean's character really did feel outta place, and it kinda broke the flow of the movie every time it cut back to him.
Radha Mitchell, AKA discount Naomi Watts, did a pretty good job with her performance,
- but the child actor was really, really, really, really bad. - [clip] Wanna see?
[YMS] But still, I'd say that this movie is a really good fan movie, even if it isn't a really good movie.
I mean, it's not like the games had the best voice acting, anyway.
Plus, there were a lot of cool references throughout the film, to remind you of parts in the games.
Now, in the games, the designs of the monsters were usually symbolic representations of the main characters insecurities,
and although one could interpret something similar for the film if they tried, I don't really feel as though that idea was carried over.
Still, I think the creature effects were really well done, and... Oh my God, it's Andrea!
So, after this movie was released, Christophe Gans said he had plans to make a sequel,
but he later decided to opt out, because he had other projects in mind, so Michael J. Bassett took over as director.
The critically acclaimed director of... Deathwatch...
Roger Avary was set to return as the film's screenwriter, but then he got arrested for vehicular manslaughter,
so Michael J. Bassett decided to take over for that as well. Oh, I see where this is going.
So, out comes Silent Hill: Revelation 3D.
Really, 'revelation'? Isn't that just another word for 'we couldn't think of a title'?
Now, I didn't really pay too much attention to the production in this movie before it was released,
and I wasn't really expecting it to be good,
but what got my attention, is when I heard it would be mimicking the third game in the series.
After all, Heather is my favorite character in the series to play as.
There's something about her that makes her feel unique to be as a main character in a video game;
the fact that she's not completely frail and innocent already sepa- rates her from most female characters in the survival horror genre.
I figured if the movie's at least somewhat related to the third game, then I'd have to enjoy parts of it,
if only for it just being a guilty pleasure.
This movie is a mess from the very first fucking scene.
OK, so this setting's kinda familiar, but who the fuck are these guys?
Where did those cool tall monsters go? I don't remember her ever being chased by something so lame.
And when I say chased, I use that term very loosely, because this looks less like running for your life, and more like a half-hearted jog.
Hey, it's that bunny from the games.
Really? Jump scares already? Wow, totally realistic death, dying in a fire. Good job. Hey, it's Sean Bean.
Really? Jump scares? Again? Already? Oh no! She wrote the words 'Silent Hill' in her notebook: time to add it to the collection.
It's a good thing she never questions why pages of her notebook go missing, she probably assumes it's sorcery.
"Time to talk to my dead wife."
[clip] I wish you were still here. It's been so hard since you brought Sharon back to me.
[YMS] "Thanks for warping our daughter back."
- [clip] Daddy! - [YMS] God, you're still so annoying.
"Oh, it's my first day of school, just walking along. Hey, a homeless person."
Really? Again?
Really?
[clip] - What's your name? - I have to catch my bus.
[YMS] Way to cower away in fear like a little shit. I seem to remember your character being a bit more authoritative.
[clip] I'm not interested.
[YMS] Yeah, that totally captures the essence of how she was first ap- proached in the game, and isn't an insulting misrepresentation at all.
OK, so now she's in her high school, populated by a bunch of 25-year-olds.
- [clip] Do you get all of your clothes for Goodwill? - [YMS] Shots fired! You just got burned!
[clip] OK, you know what? Let me make this easier for you. This is the fifth school I've been to since I was 11,
So don't bother trying to remember my name, because I'm sure as hell not gonna remember yours.
Don't talk to me, we won't be friends. I won't IM you, or Facebook you, or Tweet you, read your blog.
[YMS] "Oh shit! The girl that we all just made fun of, says that she'll never be our friends, even if we want her to be. Ahh!"
[clip] And whatever you're thinking of saying or doing, don't bother, because I've seen it before,
and I'm, I'm just guessing here, but, I don't think there are too many original thinkers in this room.
[YMS] Yeah, that's totally the type of speech you should give to your class to get them to stop making fun of you.
Like, apparently it's foolproof, because everybody stopped.
"Oh, just off to my next class. Uh, whoa!"
Oh, never mind, she's just crazy.
"Hey, why don't we be friends, since we both new kids?" "No, I told ya, I didn't want any friends." "OK, time to pick up my daughter."
Really?
"Let me just wait at the mall." This movie really is this bad. Is that supposed to resemble flesh? Or blood?
Really? Really!?
"Uhum, don't look at me. I'm just hungry." [humming to self]
"Hey, it's you again."
3D!
Really?
Hey, this thing wasn't in the games. OK, good thing it just disappeared for no reason.
"Oh, it actually was there the whole time, but we just didn't see it and just showed itself after the fact, so it could scare us,
because it just wanted us to be more scared, and didn't really care about killing us, it just wanted us to be scared..."
"Why run away when I can run back inside the elevator to look up and scream?"
Ooh, lights turning off in a hallway while you're running; that's never been done before, ever.
- [clip] [screams] - [YMS] I would love to be that guy.
"Hey, get behind the tape, lady!" "Hey, it turns out this dead guy was actually looking for somebody. I wonder who she is?"
[clip] Hey!
[YMS] "Apparently, the fact that you just happened to run into me here is not creepy at all."
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, the best character in the whole movie.
[clip] [mad giggling]
- [YMS] "Oops, my home's been vandalized." - [clip] Have you called the police?
- [YMS] So, er, how's that American accent going? - [clip] Well, do you know where this Silent Hill is?
[YMS] What? What the fuck? What the fuck is happening? I'm sorry, what? What the fuck?
Really?
[clip] My whole life, all I've been taught, all that any of us are taught, is that the lesser is the great evil of the world,
[YMS] Really? You seriously thought that was scary enough to show twice?
Hey, it's that red shoe, thanks for reminding me of the game a little. Not really sure why it's there, but OK.
"Aw, shit! Now we're in Silent Hill again!" "'Sup bitch! I'm back, here to knock you the fuck out!"
[clip] The pain was only matched by her rage.
[YMS] Oh my God!
OK, so now some mannequins.
Really?
OK, people are getting turned into mannequins. "Hey, it's somebody I don't know. Don't worry, I'll save you from all this plastic wrap."
OK, you weren't in the games.
Damn, this is some high-quality, convincing computer animation we got going on.
[clip] - Where did you come from? - We took a wrong turn. Got lost in the fog.
[YMS] "Yeah, dude, I was just going to the mall, all of a sudden I'm in Silent Hill, what the fuck?"
Ooh, a mouth within a mouth, so original(!)
"Yes, excuse me while I remove this very flimsy vent cover that didn't have any screws on it."
"Oops!"
"Oh no, I'm trapped on what only appears to be a waste of money."
Hey, you weren't in the games, who the fuck are you?
Oh, I get it: this monster and his exposed brains are a metaphor for how fucking stupid this is.
Oh hey, it's Malcolm McDowell. "Hey, help me find the other half of this thing." "Well, it just so happens to be inside my chest. OOHH!"
♪ Mighty Morphing Power Rangers ♪
Good thing we can't really see his transition at all, that might have taken some talent.
"Now I'm just walking along over here..."
Really? And you also added another noise for when the second grab happened.
Oh, shit! It's Pyramid Head.
So, nobody learns after the first guy's arms get cut off? "Dude, get back here and cut off my arms."
Nothing quite sexier than a man in a dress with a giant pyramid covering his head, right?
[sniffs]
Hey, it's these chicks again, that you just have to be really quiet around in order not to get murdered.
[clip] Do it! Do it!
[YMS] Urgh... Now, what's cool about the first movie, is that the nurses were played by professional dancers.
That way, they could easily contort their bodies in ways that seemed unnatural or frightening.
But these chicks just seem like extras having a hard time keeping still.
- [clip] How can I find my Dad? - [YMS] "You wanna shut the fuck up?"
I love how movie whispering is louder than normal whispering.
Like if someone really want to whisper, they wouldn't be talking that loud.
[whispering] It's a fucking movie, you have sound equipment, stop acting like you're on a fucking stage.
Really? I'm sorry, Pyramid Head, what the fuck are you doing?
Oh no, it's fucking Emo Chick. It looks like she brushes her teeth pretty well.
"You can't beat me, I'm just gonna absorb you into my body, and ha ha, you think you can make fun of me,
and kidnap my dad, and my only friend? Well, take this! Ha ha, bet you didn't expect that one!
Wait, why are you turning into the thing from before?
Oh no, it's this thing vs. Pyramid Head now. I don't understand why they're fighting, but it's really important. It's... So much is at stake.
Damn, this is some really good music, it totally isn't distractingly different from the original score.
"Well, time for all of us to leave. Not me, though, I'm Sean Bean. You guys have fun without me. Bye!
Oh, sweet! A reference to Silent Hill: Origins, with the guy from Saw 6.
Oh, sweet! Now another reference to Silent Hill: Downpour, cool.
The end.
Subtitles by JorWat