Hey guys, Damien here.
Don’t you just hate it when you’re talking to a girl and you run out of things to talk
about or even worse once you start talking about the most boring topics imaginable.
Today I’m gonna show you how to keep a conversation going with a girl first by learning to take
control of the conversation so you get to decide the topic and secondly by learning
to ask the right questions to get her to do all the talking so you can sit back, relax
and let her do all the work for you.
The key to controlling conversations is actually in the questions because most of us are not…
we don’t consciously control a flow of conversations with our friends or with women.
We are not actually consciously taking action and moving in the direction we wanna go, we’re
just hoping for the best, hoping that maybe she will move in that way organically it’s
gonna go somewhere, that’s not how it has to be, you wanna develop the skill set of
controlling, being able to control conversations.
I mean, who’s been caught talking about something they really don’t wanna talk about?
You are like “Crap!
I can’t quite get out of this ship, this is horrible, how do I get out of this conversation?”
yes, the skill set, that’s a very valuable skill set, it’s very very simple and we
do it with questions, we do it with questions.
Okay, who can tell me what a closing the question is?
Answer the question yes or no, yes or no, black, white, 10 degrees, yeah?
very simple, short concise piece of information, right?
we’ve all heard of these before, they’re quite short one or two answers, they require
very little rapport answer which is why during the first question you ever ask anyone is
close ended, they require very little thinking, they require a very little emotion, they are
not building a rapport, there’s no longer investment required to answer closing a question,
how old are you?
yeah?
what suburb do you live in?
yeah?
there’s not a lot of rapport, there’s not a lot of effort required to answer such
a question, but there’s one really important part of closing the question and it works
like this.
If I were to ask you mate, what suburb do you live in?
- Menai - Menai, cool, how old are you?
- 22 - what’s your favourite color?
- orange, who’s in control of the conversation?
- Me I think…
(laughter) yes, when you ask a closing the question, they answer, the control in conversation
goes back to you.
Closing the questions: whenever that happens, if someone goes… “hey how old are you?
and you go 26!
you are like “ok, now I should say something” that’s how conversation works, this is the
beginning of a conversational control.
Closing the questions, they are not great for rapport but great for interesting conversation,
in fact they are generally pretty (—), but they are really good when you to take control.
Now I’m talking yeah?
So, here’s the thing, we tend to overcomplicate everything, as you probably heard me say before,
we like to overcomplicate everything, changing the tone, the topic of conversation is actually
quite easy, you are talking to a girl and she’s talking about all lord knows, these
dolls she used to have, I don’t know, something you don’t care about and she’s talking
about this doll and you think “boy I wanna change this topic because I think she’s
bored of it”, if she’s really passionate about it be a little bit more sensitive, but
if she’s talking about this topic, she’s not interested in and she’s not interested
and you go “Crap!
I gotta change topics, ask a closing the question: “how old were you when you got that doll?”
She goes “oh, about 6” yeah, that’s cool.
Have you travelled a lot?
you look like someone who’s travelled a fair bit.
Now, is that the smoothest transition in the world?
no.
But the thing is, the second you ask a closing a question , the power went back to you, you
can go “oh, cool” stop, think, leave a small pause then asking a new closing the
question of a new topic.
It actually works out, is that simple most of the time, I urge you all to try it on each
other, you don’t realize people are doing it, until after they’ve done it to you.
Is really quite an easy thing to do, it’s quite an elegantly simple thing to do.
In a perfect world, we’ll kind of slide it across, right?
you know, how old did you say your were when you got that doll? and she goes “oh, it
was 8” “what was I doing when I was 8?”
Man!
you know when I was 8, my parents took me on this trip to America, that was really cool
because bla bla bla, that’s smoother yeah?
Create a relationship between the question you are gonna ask and where you are gonna
go, that’s smoother, it also requires a little bit more finesse, a little bit more
great power but all you really need to do is ask a closing the question, stop, wait…
asking a new closing the question in new topic.
Try it, it’s actually that simple.
It’s that straightforward in conversations to take it, transplant it, move it across.
It’s a very valuable skill set, use it, I urge you to practice it because… don’t
just do it on women, do it on everyone, including bosses.
Ok, open ended questions by the way are very very important, ok?
they take long thought out answers, ok? and open ended questions.
Get someone with an open ended question.
-Where did you go last night?
-That’s closed -Tell me about your week, tell me about your
holiday, yeah what’s your take on politics?
so, I wouldn’t want to ask that question ideally but yes, you are absolutely right,
that is… we’ll open another question, when someone asks you that, they are looking
for long thought out answers, it builds… more rapport is required ok? ‘cause you
are asking them to actually commit brain power to answering the question ok?
it requires conceptual thinking, prepared responses and it builds rapport yeah?
and it pass possible control the conversation away.
So here’s the thing, all often have guys, they’ll be an interaction, and the questions
are gonna be asking is like this: cool, like how do you two know each other like ohh bla
bla bla, we met at uni whatever…
oh cool cool, what do you do for work? like oh, we are lawyers oh cool, how long have
you been a lawyer for?
awesome.
Where do you usually like to go out on weekends?
I’ll answer that question and the women are giving the one word answers and the guys
come back to me and are like “man, all I got was this one word answers!
the whole time she wasn’t giving me any conversation at all!
it was so tough” The problem was, all you were doing was asking close-in questions,
closing the questions, closing the questions.
So you are asking closing the questions, she answers and then is back on you again.
A lot of time we’re doing it to ourselves, why? because we are not remembering to ask
open ended questions to actually urge them to start talking.
Trying to get information from open… open ended questions are very important, you don’t
have to be in control of every conversation, you need to be able to take control when necessary.