# Saturday. #
Hello, where is everybody?
Where have they gone? I only popped to the loo.
- Hello? - They've disappeared.
Hang on a minute, there's a red light on this camera,
I think we might be on. We're on, we're on!
Erm, there's no sting, we'll have to do the sting.
BOTH: # Sa-tur-day! #
- Welcome back to Saturday... - Hang on, there you go.
Hold on.
Welcome back to your Saturday Night Takeaway.
Sorry about this.
It seems everybody has gone to the party.
I specifically told them all, as well,
8:30, the party starts.
They've all nicked off early, that is very unprofessional.
That's the problem, Dec. They've got no respect for you.
What?
Listen, we've got six minutes to fill,
there's nobody here and we need to do an End Of The Show Show.
What are we gonna do?
MUSIC PLAYS IN DISTANCE Er, hold on, is that Sam Fender?
- I think that is Sam Fender! - He's going to the party!
- Let's go and find him! - Come on!
Which way? This way?
# I remember The sickness was forever
# And I remember snuff videos
# Cold Septembers The distances we covered
# The fist fights on the beach
# The bizzies round us up
# Do it all again next week
# An embryonic love
# The first time that it scarred
# Embarrass yourself for someone
# Crying like a child
# And the boy Who kicked Tom's head in
# Still bugs me now
# That's the thing, it lingers
# And claws you when you're down
# I was far too scared to hit him
# But I would hit him In a heartbeat now
# That's the thing with anger
# It begs to stick around
# So it can fleece you Of your beauty
# And leave you spent With nowt to offer
# It makes you hurt The ones who love you
# You hurt them like they're nothing
# Oh-oh
# You hurt them like they're nothing
# Oh-oh
# See, I spent my teens enraged
# Spiralling in silence
# And I armed myself with a grin
# Cos I always was a joker
# Buried in their humour
# Amongst the white noise And boys' boys
# Locker-room talkin' lads' lads
# Drenched in cheap drink And snide fags
# A mirrored picture of my old man
# Oh, God, the kid's a dab hand
# Canny chanter, but he looks sad
# God, the kid looks so sad
# Oh-oh
# She said the debt, the debt, The debt
# So I thought about shifting gear
# And how she wept and wept and wept
# Luck came and died 'round here
# I see my mother
# The DWP see a number
# She cries on the floor encumbered
# I'm seventeen going under
# Oh-oh
# I'm seventeen going under
# Oh-oh
# I'm seventeen going under
# Oh-oh. #
APPLAUSE
Yes! Let's hear it one more time for Sam Fender!
Oh, Sam, we brought you a toilet roll.
There you go, cos we know you love it.
That's all we've got time for this week.