What is the worst movie you've ever seen?
No, I'm not talking about "Transformers 2" or "Grown Ups 2".
I mean, a movie so bad, so fundamentally broken,
that it leaves a pit in your stomach,
or makes you feel frustrated and angry beyond any reasonable measure.
This is a question I've been asking myself for a while, and I think it's about time to do something about it.
So I've pulled up the list of the bottom 100 lowest rated movies on IMDb
and I'm going through them one by one to find the worst movie ever.
Welcome to "The Search for the Worst".
[IHE Theme]
"Zaat" is the worst thing in the history of anything ever.
Clocking in at just under one hour and 40 minutes,
"Zaat" took me on a journey through every type of emotion I think a human can go through.
I laughed. I cried. I was scared. And I also got angry.
Very, very angry.
As the movie began, I was immediately confused.
I was also kind of freaked out.
There's this creepy voice who's describing a bunch of sea creatures, and how great they are.
[Creepy Voice] "Hehehehe."
[Creepy Voice] "I love you."
I assume it's just stock footage...and this is not the only time they use it in the movie.
But I don't know, I actually kind of like it. We're then introduced to our titular character.
I don't really know his name.
And he never actually opens his mouth to say anything.
All his dialogue is through inner monologues.
[Creepy Main Character] "There have fish the size they've never seen before."
[Creepy Main Character] "Walking fish..."
[Creepy laugh again]
[Creepy Main Character] "Who like human flesh."
For the next ten minutes, he just sort of wanders around and does unintentionally creepy things,
like feeling an octopus tentacle, or torturing innocent fish.
We eventually figure out, he's a crazy scientist who's planning to create something called "Zaat".
[Creepy Main Character] "The formula they all laughed at,"
[Creepy Main Character] "Z-sub-A...and A-sub-T." (ZaAt)
[Creepy Main Character] "My little gem..."
[Creepy Main Character] "ZAAT!"
The dialogue's all very ham-fisted and strange, but whatever, I can forgive that at the start my movie.
He takes his shirt off and injects himself with this weird yellow shit.
This is a common theme with this movie. Things just happening, and then not explaining how or why.
I like the fact that his creepy science lab has all these supposed to be high-tech computers.
It's back in a time where the thought process was, 'how do we make technology look all future-y'?
I don't know. Just put a billion flashing lights on it.
So he climbs onto this really unstable-looking metal cage with a hodgepodge of tangled ropes on it.
And you can tell this guy's genuinely worried, by the way slowly and carefully moving
as to not tip the precariously balanced cage, and end up being tangled in a mess of metal and ropes,
while he slowly drowns.
They show this weird, red stuff being pumped into the water
and then he graciously lowers himself into the pool.
[machine whirrs and beep-bops]
And boom.
He turns into Zaat.
Because movie.
[machine whirrs and beep-bops]
So this is Zaat, the real protagonist of the film, I guess...
The problem is the suit is made in such a way that the dude inside blatantly can't see a goddamn thing.
Look, you just tripped.
Oh, look. You tripped again.
[intense thriller music]
Huh, I guess he tried to cross out that picture with a pen...but missed because he couldn't see.
Oh, and again.
Christ Almighty, I hope he doesn't drown while trying to swim around in that suit.
Look how slowly he swims 'cause it's so heavy.
Right, so let me try to explain the plot of this film.
A mad scientist turns himself into Zaat because he wants to take over the world with sea creatures.
That power sounds familiar...
[Mad Scientist] "And together..."
[Mad Scientist] "We'll conquer the universe."
Okay, it's dumb, but they establish that he's a lunatic, so that's okay.
[Mad Scientist] "They think I'm insane..."
[Mad Scientist] "They're the ones who are insane."
But once he becomes Zaat,
he keeps going over to this weird calendar and just sort of looks at it, or draws girl he has a crush on.
Which is followed by 3 or 4 scenes of Zaat either stalking ladies,
or getting revenge on people who rightfully criticize him for being fucking crazy.
I always did get a chuckle out of how Zaat supposedly kills people.
It's like he keeps changing his mind as to what super Zaat powers he has.
He kills this girl by punching her and then completely missing.
He then strangles a guy.
He straight up brawls with this guy.
And then like...kills this guy for no reason and starts to pretending to him with his fake-ass looking mouth.
Okay, but still, that's...that's not the plot.
Right...um...so what is the plot?
Um..
So Zaat wants to find a mate...for whatever reason.
So he stalks a girl until he decides to strike,
captures her,
attempts to turn her into a Zaat in the same way he did himself...
Oh look, she held her nose before being dunked.
But the experiment doesn't work and she just dies.
So Zaat dissolves her in some science liquid, and then goes looking for another innocent lady to murder.
I enjoyed any scene where Zaat was either just wandering around murdering people,
or letting out his rage on locked doors or appliances.
[Zaat throws tantrum]
[Zaat trips]
But spliced in between Zaat scenes are these god-awful interactions with people from around the local town.
[Sheriff] "They just a bunch of foolishness I've always seen (?)"
There are four main human characters.
I don't know any of their names,
but it doesn't matter because they all end up dying anyway.
This lady and bloke are from this weird company called, 'INPIT'.
I kept wanting to call them 'Armpit'.
But anyway, they're here to investigate why people are randomly being murdered by walking fish.
This is the sheriff, who really does nothing for the entire movie.
And then this is Black Guy, who's the most proactive person in the entire cast.
But all four of these characters just sort of flounder around being hilariously inept.
My personal favorite scene is when they somehow manage get Zaat trapped in a net,
but then Zaat furiously tugs at it, and one of the dudes get comedically thrown into the water.
Actually looks like it really hurts.
[fast forward + repeat]
There's also this other funny scene, where Zaat needs to get medicine because he got stabbed or something in an earlier encounter,
He eventually finds the medicine he needs, drinks it,
but then you can clearly hear it drain straight back out of the mask and dribble onto the floor.
[clatter of bottle lid on floor]
[medicine drips onto floor]
[drops medicine bottle]
Then there's this baffling scene, where a bunch of people from the local town are sat on this hall and singing a song.
Then they all commute to the local jail and lock themselves in it, to be safe from Zaat.
And that scene literally takes up about ten minutes of the movie.
[passionately singing 'YEAH~YEAH~']
You just...you just can't make this shit up.
So over an hour and five minutes have passed by this point, and then suddenly, out of nowhere,
the sheriff says he remembers there was a crazy old scientist
who was always on about turning himself into a fish or something.
[Sheriff] "A human fish..."
[Sheriff] "Sounds like something ol' Doc Leopold might try."
[Sheriff] "He was known as a nut. Folks laughed at him."
[Sheriff] "Said he was once trying to get volunteers off of death row in prison to try experiments on them."
[Dude] "Is that for real, Lou?"
[Sheriff] "Yeah, there was a rumor going around that he, uh..."
[Sheriff] "was trying to..."
[Dude] "To what?"
[Sheriff] "Turn a man into a fish."
[Dude] "Damn, Lou, why didn't you tell us sooner?"
But by then, Zaat has already abducted this lady and he's getting ready to turn her into another Zaat.
So the three dudes managed to get to where Zaat lives.
The sheriff basically gets killed pretty much instantly.
The black guy actually puts up quite a good fight,
which makes Zaat run off with these weird canisters for some reason.
Then the black guy stops the girl from being lowered into the Zaat blood juice...stuff.
But then he dies.
The final guy alive manages to get a few shots into Zaat before he escapes into the ocean.
And then for no reason at all, the girl is suddenly brainwashed by Zaat, and then just wanders into the ocean because movie.
The guy then dies because he was bitten earlier by a snake.
And zaat's "Zaat" everybody! Whoo!
Ngh...
I'm not going to lie, I had a pretty good time watching "Zaat".
There was a certain innocence it had because it took itself so seriously.
But at the same time an hour and 40 minutes is way too long for a movie like this.
It just gets boring and frustrating after a while.
I really have no idea how this movie managed to have such a long running time and just have so much...
NOTHING.
It's filmed in this really weird plodding way, where Zaat just walks around for a bit, goes swimming,
pops out the water to have a look at people,
Kills them, then repeats for an hour or so.
I was imagining the whole time that this is actually a story about a crazy guy
who thought he turned himself into a fish creature, but actually, in fact, was a murdering psychopath.
Made it a little bit more interesting.
Well, this movie certainly no masterpiece or anything,
but it's certainly my favorite movie so far in "The Search for the Worst".
Let's have a look at the ranking of the best to the worst in "The Search for the Worst".
Good on you, "Zaat", you're the best shitty movie I've seen so far.
And I mean, you're still terrible, but good on you anyway.
[Canny American Accent] "And up next on "The Search for the Worst" is...
"The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure"...
What?
So there it is ladies and gents, "Zaat". What a hilariously bizarre movie.
But anyway, what do you think?
Do you like or dislike the video? Does "Zaat" look amazingly amazing or amazingly terrible to you?
Tell me in the comments below.
And as always, thanks for watching. All comments and ratings are appreciated. I'll see you next time.
BYE.