(traditional music)
We're down by the sea.
Yeah.
It's beautiful! Look at those mountains!
Yeah!
It is absolutely gorgeous here!
Yeah, it is.
I'm so excited
about America getting this.
I really do think this is gonna be great for us.
This is an amazingly beautiful land you have,
and for America to own it, for it to be part of America,
is very exciting.
Where are we now Vivi?
We are at the old place that's new, no...
The old place? The old place?
You're the expert on Greenland?
What is this building right here?
It's the old umm...
Everything is the old this and the old that!
That is famous church is it not?
Yes. Yes.
It's a hospital.
An old hospital.
Yeah, OK, let's just assume that everything is old.
Do people often swim here?
People swim here.
It's very cold though, right?
Very cold, but it's good for the body.
It's not good for the testicles.
If I went in water this cold
my testicles would go somewhere up inside,
I think my shoulder, would be up here in my shoulder.
To pleasure myself I need to get up here.
It got weird fast.
Yeah. (giggling)
Vivi tell me,
what is that marking mean on top of that roof C11?
It's the marking from World War II .
World War II? Yeah.
So the helicopters could see what town they were in.
Ah, so the planes coming in,
if they saw a C11 they could know which part of...
Helicopters, yeah.
I don't think there were helicopters in World War II.
What?
Nah, they came along in the Korean War.
OK. Gotcha!
Some guide you turned out to be.
(laughing)
So in World War II when Lime Scooters
were on their way to Germany to attack,
they could tell by the C11 what's happening.
Vivi, this is a famous statue, what's going on here?
It's the Mother of the Sea.
What is the story here?
She is the Mother of the Sea,
and she don't like trash in the sea,
so when there's trash in the sea,
she tells all the creatures to come down to her.
I see an inter-species orgy.
From seal,
on bear, on woman, on dude action.
That's what I'm getting.
And then there is carp down here.
It's really being excluded from the fun.
Look at him; he's not too happy about it.
"Who's mating with me? I walk alone."
I think Trump would be more interested
after he sees this statue. That's all I'll say.
(audience laughing)
What are we doing for dinner tonight? What's the plan?
Are we going to a restaurant?
You were gonna take me someplace. What's the idea?
To my place.
Seriously, are you inviting me to your house?
Yeah. That's so nice!
Oh, wow! This is beautiful.
We're about to enjoy a true Greenlandic meal.
Describe these dishes to me if you will.
What do we have here?
This is just lamb.
That's lamb.
This is Muktuk.
What is that?
Whale skin.
That's whale skin.
Fat from a seal.
Fat from a seal. Yes.
Did it go in for a liposuction they took the fat
and the seal then went on to date,
happily with the seals?
Yeah, why not?
(audience laughing)
This right here?
Dry seal.
Yeah.
If I were to throw that into a bathtub,
would a seal just emerge?
No. (laughing)
Okay. Silly question I suppose.
Yes. (laughing)
It's just how my imagination works.
This is dry cut.
Yeah.
Okay. There are two of them.
Oh these are two! Yeah!
I thought this was a freak of nature.
It looked to me like you had accidentally killed
one of the only two-headed fish in the world.
You want some lamb?
Do I have to cut it?
Well we're gonna cut it, here you go.
That's your lamb.
Want my slice of seal fat?
It's really tough to cut!
Use your fingers to grab it.
I'm not getting in there with my fingers.
That's seal fat!
Can you do it? I'm scared.
It's moving and it's doing things.
Oh my God...
Man.
Didn't the seal ever try a salad?
(Vivi laughing)
This is a true, true Greenlandic meal.
Why're you shaking your head "No"?
I can't eat that much.
Well you don't have to eat it all.
When this country becomes part of America,
we'll be wasting a lot of food.
That's what we do in America.
We throw food away.
(laughing menacingly)
(audience laughing)
Do you mind if I say a quick prayer?
Yeah...
Dear God,
may Greenland soon become part of the United States,
whether they want to or not.
Amen.
(audience laughter)
Tell me, what are some of the traditions
of a Greenlandic meal?
What kinds of things are discussed?
I wanna fit right in.
Seamlessly.
The weather.
The weather? Yeah.
Okay, let me guess how that goes.
Pretty cold out there, huh?
(laughter)
Hey, kids, you have a good day at school today?
What'd you learn?
Nothing. Nothing.
You're gonna love America.
(audience laughs)
What did you study in school today?
Math.
Math? Do you like math?
Not when I can't figure it out.
Yeah, I had a hard time, too.
When I couldn't figure out math,
I became very angry and frustrated.
And then the other children would beat me with sticks.
(audience laughs)
A very painful part of my-
Why are you guys laughing at that?
That's not funny.
I was beaten- (children laughing)
No, no, that's not funny!
When I struggled with math as a child I was beaten!
Beaten with sticks- (child laughs)
Is it discussed in school?
President Trump buying the uh...
Yes.
They talk about it in school?
Every day.
And what do the kids think?
What do the young people think?
It's just a big joke to everyone.
A big joke to everybody? Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Well it's not a big joke. That's why I'm here.
You think I flew 6 thousand miles for a big joke?
I think that's exactly what I did.
(audience laughter)