Our relationships are sometimes characterized by anger and frustration.
As I share with you today how to deal with anger and frustration in a
relationship, you're going to notice something you may not have expected.
If you're like me and I think you might be because you're here on our channel.
It's easier to remember things if we have a little hook to hang it on. So, I'll
give you a hook for this that I call the far-out model. Frustration, anger and
resentment. See the letters? Frustration, anger and resentment. We'll focus on
those three feelings for just a moment as it relates to our relationships. Are
you having any of that? Probably. That's why we're looking at this video today.
Notice in that relationship whichever one you're thinking of. Where you feel
the frustration, the anger and the resentment. It's usually not new. In other
words, it's been going on for a while or you've had this experience before with
this particular relationship. Frustration and anger and resentment are 3 of my
favorite feelings as a psychologist because they're indicator feelings. What
do they indicate? This is the part you may not have expected. Because when we
feel frustration or anger or resentment. And all of those are powerful feelings,
we are very very tempted to blame someone or something else for having
those feelings. And you know exactly who to blame, don't you? When you're feeling
anger or frustration toward your child, for example. If you're a parent, connect
with this. You might feel so frustrated or so angry and you know that it's the
child who needs to change something. Or maybe it's a romantic interest that you have.
It's a boyfriend or girlfriend or maybe even your spouse and you start to feel
frustrated and angry and even resentful. And you know who that's all about.
See? That's the deception. Frustration, anger and resentment tend to have us
pointing at someone else as the cause. Let's go to the out part of this. We're
looking out there but what this means is that it's me that's out of sync. It's me
that's out of control right now. This is really important too especially if
there's an anger management issue. Because that anger can put you in a
position where you're out of control. Frustration and resentment can take you
there too. So, that's why I'm using far out as the hook. Frustration, anger and
resentment are an indication that I am out of control. It's not my kid, it's not
my spouse, it's not my boss, it's not the government. Its ME. And this bites a
little bit. Honestly, it stings to realize, "Oh, it's me
that needs to change?" But the bad news is also the good news. Because if it's me, at
least I have some control here. Just to help with the sting of the realization.
Think of times when you're driving. You've done this. I know you probably
have. I know I have more times than I want to admit. Were you driving and you
get lost in your thoughts and you go right past your turn or your exit and
you're not where you wanted to be. There was one time I did this seriously. That I
ended up in a different state than what I was planning. And as I look around
myself and I'm thinking, "Ooh, this isn't where I wanted to be." And I look down and
whose hands do I see on my steering wheel? They're mine.
Yeah. That's the part that stings.Tthat's why I said the bad news is also the good
news. Because if my hands are on the wheel, what can I do now? Oh, yeah.
Turn it, steer it. Take it somewhere. That's really good news. In a
relationship, when we are feeling frustration, anger and resentment. It's an
indicator that we are the ones who are out of control. It's time to get back
into control. And there's so much that you can do once you realize that your
own hands are on the wheel. This is the part that is the hardest for people to
understand and realize. When you connect to this it puts you in a very different
position in all of your relationships. To change what you actually have the
control and the power to change. Here on the channel, we have a whole playlist for
positive relationships. Check it out and think of someone that you'd like to
share this video with. I'm so glad that you're here. I'll be back tomorrow.