- I reacted to "South Park" medical scenes last year
and you liked it so much,
you came out to my tour and begged for more.
- I need more "South Park" from you, dude.
- Or at least one of you did.
Huge thank you to ShipStation
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- Okay Kenny, I bet you $100 you can't light a fart on fire.
(Kenny mumbles)
(match strikes)
(fart toots) (Kenny laughs)
(Kenny screams) - Holy shit, dude!
- He didn't just light a fart on fire.
Lart a fart on fire.
Light a fart on fire.
He actually lit himself on fire.
(nurse chatter)
- [Surgeon] Load that IV with 70 CC's of sodium penathol.
- Why is he bleeding profusely?
Yeah, you have skin damage and some blood loss,
but you're not just shooting out,
gushing out blood.
- Vacuum.
Try to untangle his trachea and esophagus.
- Untangle his trachea and esophagus.
The trachea being your windpipe,
your esophagus being your food pipe,
like why are they tangled?
- [Nurse 1] Watch his liver.
- [Nurse 2] I'll get it. - Ah!
- This looks like my virtual simulator.
This is why you go to medical school.
You throw the intestines away.
- [Nurse 1] Doctor, his heart stopped.
- So you gotta do chest compressions,
chest compressions, chest compressions!
- We need to zap this quick.
- No, you don't gotta zap it.
You gotta squeeze it.
He's putting it in the microwave.
Jesus. - Who's making a potato?
- Is that George Clooney?
- [Surgeon] Kenny. Kenny, can you hear me?
- [Kenny] Holy shit dude.
- How are you feeling, son?
- [Kenny] Not so good.
- Great. Son, I have some bad news.
We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato.
You have about three seconds to live.
- [Kenny] What?
- So he wouldn't wake up is what you're saying.
In all reality,
burning yourself is quite dangerous
because it causes you to lose fluids.
Because skin prevents fluid loss.
And you need to carefully manage,
not just fluids but electrolyte balance
in patients who have severe burns.
- What is a proctologist, Chef?
- He's a doctor that specializes in your asshole, children.
- We've moved away from using the term proctologist
to now discussing that specialty as colorectal surgery.
Some people confuse a GI doctor and colorectal surgeon.
They both focus on the GI tract.
Colorectal surgeon is a surgical field
that mainly focuses on the anus, rectum, and intestines.
Where the GI doctor
focuses on the usually mostly non-surgical approach
of the entire GI tract from the mouth to anus.
There are both colorectal surgeons
and GI doctors who perform colonoscopies.
Usually though what happens is
the GI doctor performs the colonoscopy
and if they find something that needs removal,
they then send them to a colorectal surgeon.
That's usually what happens.
- What seems to be the problem?
- We just want you to take a look
and tell us if you see anything abnormal.
- Other than it's monstrous size.
- Well, proctologists also don't look at buttocks,
so they wouldn't tell you anything about your glutes.
- Well, the prostate seems to be normal.
No swelling of the hormonal gland.
(Cartman grunts)
Wait, what's this?
(doctor screams)
- Okay, alien satellite dish
not usually found in rectums.
2022, line, Doctor Mike.
(upbeat music)
- You know that feeling when you take a huge dump?
Awesome.
- Well, doctor?
- I've never quite seen this before.
Perhaps he just needs some hemorrhoid cream.
- Hemorrhoid cream is usually focused on
dealing with inflammation.
So there's some kind of steroidal component to the cream.
There's also pain relief component,
sometimes like lidocaine or benzocaine.
- Hello everyone,
my name is John Garner
and I'm a nutrition advisor from the USDA.
There's been a lot of confusion about gluten lately.
- There's also been a lot of confusion
because of your ridiculous food pyramids that make no sense.
- People saying that gluten is the cause of cancer.
Gluten should be avoided.
Gluten can make your dick fly off.
But let's set the record straight.
- Make your dick fly off?
- So what is gluten?
- Gluten is the protein component found within wheat.
- Gluten is the protein found in flour
when you take all the starch away.
Not a bio weapon, just harmless flower protein.
- Then eat it.
- Excuse me.
- If it's not dangerous
then eat that pure concentrated gluten, okay.
- All right.
(Doctor shrieks)
(crowd screams)
- Ah! Ah!
- Do I see a robot? What is this?
- Oh, you see that? His dick's flying off.
- We did have a period in time
where people were deathly afraid of gluten.
There was a good reason for some people to avoid gluten.
Those who have celiac disease,
which is a true autoimmune disease
that when you're intestines are exposed to gluten,
your body starts to have an autoimmune reaction
where it starts attacking the intestines.
So basically your intestines in order to have
more surface area for better absorption
have these little projections called villi.
And these villi,
actually are the ones that make contact with gluten,
present them to the body,
and then your body starts attacking
these projections called villi,
therefore you get blunting of the villi
and they get short,
which can lead to mal absorption,
lack of certain nutrients and vitamins,
diarrhea, bloating, pain, et cetera.
And there are some situations where you have
non celiac wheat sensitivity,
where eating wheat can actually give you an upset stomach.
But it's not an autoimmune disease like celiac disease.
That's why when you go to a restaurant
some people say like,
"Oh, I prefer to avoid gluten based product,"
is one thing.
But for your person with celiac disease,
you wanna avoid having foods prepared
in a facility where gluten is present.
- There's hot dog buns in that cupboard, Sharon.
- Hey dad, I need to talk to you
about this party we're having.
- Oh my god, the Wheat Thins!
- [Sharon] And the Triscuits too, Randy.
- Wait, wait. I might need those.
- This stuff will make your dick fly off, Stan.
- The thing that surprised me the most,
'cause there was a period of time
where I went gluten free was
soy sauce has gluten in it.
- What about ice cream?
- I dunno. Look at the ingredients!
- It sometimes uses a thickening agent.
- Heavy cream, sugar, chocolate syrup.
No ice cream's good for you.
- Ice cream's good for you.
- All right, that's all of it.
- You sure? All right, you got those?
- I can get both of these, yeah.
- Come on.
- What's going on?
(ominous music)
- Well, that's just a beer.
- Oh Jesus.
- Beer is all wheat, dad.
- Shut up! Beer's bad for you?
- We're gonna need you to come with us, sir.
Don't touch me.
- Look, I'm okay.
You wanna see my dick?
- We just need you to be in quarantine for a while
until everyone figures out what's going on.
- How'd you get exposed?
Bagels?
Gravy?
- Beer. I didn't know it had gluten.
- There's always something.
For me it was the soy sauce.
(bell dings)
- Sir, we've got a boy on the hotline
that says he might know something.
- Who is this?
- My name isn't important.
What matters is that
the answer is in the pyramid.
- We built the pyramid a long time ago
to illustrate how much people should eat
of the four basic food groups.
- And it was (expletive) pyramid guidance ever.
- It's upside down.
- What? (computer beeps)
- Sir, we've gotta match.
- Nutrition is stabilizing.
- We've got a well-balanced vaccine, sir.
(employees cheer)
- Get the president on the phone.
Tell him to have some steak with his butter.
- Please don't do that.
The saturated fat is out of control.
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All right, let's get back to some "South Park."
- Hello, boys.
Your mommy has a bacterial infection called c-diff.
- Oh, that's problematic.
Clostridium difficile is the type of bacteria
that can live in the gut,
but then once it multiplies
and it becomes to the infectious level,
it creates foul smelling, heavy watery, mucusy diarrhea.
So much so that you could transfer it
to other people through contact.
We actually in hospitals,
when a patient tests positive for c-diff,
put them on contact precautions
where in order to walk into the room,
you have to glove up, gown up,
and then wash your hands with soap
and water before and after.
- All of us have trillions of microscopic critters
that grow on and inside our bodies.
- And some of them actually help us with digestion.
- We can't use antibiotics
because that will kill all the good bacteria too.
- Well, that's not true.
We absolutely have antibiotics that we can use.
In fact, one of the common antibiotics we use
is one called vancomycin,
is a very potent antibiotic that we usually use
through IV methods
because it is not well absorbed
when you're taking it orally.
But now imagine if you have an infection in your intestines
and you want the medication to stay there,
then taking a medicine that is not well absorbed
actually is beneficial,
hence why we use vancomycin in these types of infections.
- So what can you do for her?
- We need to take a healthy person's microbiome
and start to grow it inside your mother.
We do this with a fecal transplant.
We'll get a donor's feces,
mix it with water,
and put it up your mom's anus.
- We actually do do fecal transplants.
That actually has really good high rates of clearance
of the infection.
I recently saw there were some medications being tested
where they actually freeze dried
some of that poop into capsules
and then you take it
and then it opens up in your intestines
and it serves the same purpose.
- [Sam] You swallow it.
- Yeah, but it's in capsules.
Cause if you don't take it by mouth,
the only other way to do it is through a colonoscopy.
- Parents, I called you all together
because I think you might be making a mistake
putting your children on Ritalin.
- But our kids have attention deficit disorder, Chef.
They can't pay attention to school without it.
- There's this doctor in Northern California
who is doing really amazing things with kids who have ADD.
I want you to watch this tape.
- For attention deficit hyperactivity disorder,
Ritalin is a medication that is prescribed.
It's similar in nature to Adderall,
although it's a different medication inside.
In Adderall you have like an amphetamine based prescription
whereas in Ritalin it's methylphenidate.
What's different is the time of onset.
So in Ritalin the peak comes sooner
than it does on Adderall.
Therefore it lasts for a shorter period of time.
- This treatment is fast and effective
and doesn't use harmful drugs.
Watch closely as I apply treatment to the first child.
- By the way, there are legitimate,
non-pharmacological behavioral options for children
and adults who are diagnosed with ADHD.
- Sit down and study! (children chatter)
- Now I laugh at this 'cause it's "South Park,"
but in reality this is kind of mean spirited
because patients who have true ADHD,
it's not as simple as just, sit still.
Their mind is literally racing
and it's not a discipline issue.
It's a biological issue.
And at the same time I will say,
there are parents and children,
mostly parents that request medications for their children
when it's probably a lack of discipline
that is the issue.
Which one would I say is a greater problem?
I think it's worse when you poke fun at people
who actually need the medicine
and would benefit from it.
But it's more problematic to society
when you put children on medicine that they don't need.
- What do you think?
I can have Dr. Shay come to South Park for a small fee.
- That video had pretty colors.
- It sure did.
- Dammit!
Have you all been taking your children's Ritalin too?
- [All] Yes.
- Well adults have ADHD too.
And it's not necessarily runs in families,
but there is a potential genetic component there.
- Professor Chaos cannot be stopped.
- Oh, yeah. Kenny, use your ninja star.
- Here, try this Professor Chaos.
(adventure music)
- Oh, ninja star to the eye.
(Butters screams)
Don't pull it out. Seek help immediately.
- Just stay still Butters. - Oh no.
- Ah.
Ah. - Just why would you do this?
(Butters screams)
- Stop dude, you're gonna scramble his brain!
- You're not gonna scramble his brain.
You're gonna cause him to bleed out.
- You guys can't fix my eyeball.
You have to take me to the hospital.
- Yes, please.
- We need a doctor but we can't go to the hospital.
- And you need a very specific doctor.
'Cause if you bring me, I ain't doing smack.
- Wait, wait, what about the veterinarian?
- Dr. Shaffy?
- He's really old and and going blind.
- So if we make Butters up to look like a dog.
- Oh, no.
(Butters cries)
- Hand me the modeling glue.
We need more fur over here.
- This reminds me of those mobster movies
where they can't go to see a doctor,
so they go to the local vet to pull out the bullet.
(Butters moans)
- Oh my god, what the?
Doctor, doctor!
- Jesus Christ.
(Butters moans)
What kind of sick bastard would do this to a dog?
Poor little pup.
(Butters moans and barks)
- Can you help him doctor?
- I'm afraid I wouldn't know how.
Unfortunately for this little fella, I'm a people doctor.
Best we call the animal shelter.
- Right away.
- Oh my god, I can't even react to this
'cause there's nothing I can say.
I ain't doing smack.
- Yeah, you like that?
Woo, man! - Aw, lord!
(breakdance music)
- Ooh, he is getting served.
(country music)
- Randy.
- Why is again,
the stupid chart looks like he's in a recession
in the stock market.
Like what are we looking at.
And what are the vitals and bar graphs above his bed?
- He got served.
Worst I've ever seen.
- His dancing was so fast I couldn't do anything.
His moves were so original, so inventive.
- Why does he need nasal cannula oxygenation for that?
- He mostly got served here and here.
But the worst serving was here in the pelvis region.
The road to recovery will be a long one.
- What is the injury?
Is it a fracture?
- Do you know what happened to me this morning, Stan?
This morning I woke up and felt a sharp pain in my ass.
I felt down there and and found this big sore lump.
- Was it a pimple?
Was it a hemorrhoid?
Which part of your are we talking about?
- I have a hemorrhoid.
And Cartman has his own theme park.
- That's not the end of the world.
A lot of times hemorrhoids happen
from people spending a lot of time on toilets.
A lot of time it's from cell phone use.
People just hang out for a long period of time.
Bearing down a lot when having bowel movements,
usually, as a result of constipation that can happen.
So increasing fiber is really smart.
- What's that?
- It's my seat ring.
I have to sit on it because of my hemorrhoid.
- That seat ring not only helps with hemorrhoids,
but also coccydynia.
- Come on, dude.
- Oh go, I popped it!
Oh, it hurts!
- What the hell are you doing?
- Oh, crap.
- Oh god, get me off of here.
- A bleeding hemorrhoid that has thrombosed
bleeds very heavily.
- Stan, I have to go home!
I need my cream!
- It's not just cream.
A lot of times it might need surgical intervention.
When I say surgical intervention,
it could be something as simple as a banding procedure
where we literally put a type bandaid over the area
and it chokes it out of its blood supply.
And as a result, it ends up falling off.
- I'm sorry. Your son appears to be losing the battle.
- What is he septic?
- I'm afraid that the hemorrhoid has spread to his lungs.
- What? It's not a cancer.
In fact, a hemorrhoid is just a blood vessel
that has expanded.
Usually, to the point where it can't shrink back down.
If it got infected, it's now infected and expanded.
Not something that's contagious.
- Normally the body would fight the infection,
but he's just given up on life.
- But then are you saying-
- There's nothing more I can do.
Little fella's just lost his will to live.
- You could just give him antibiotic
and cheer him up.
But I will say mindset is an important factor
in whether or not someone gets better
and how fast they get better.
Those who have a positive optimistic outlook
do tend to fare better.
Goes hand in hand with the placebo studies.
And the sugar pill people, 30% of the time,
experience the same effects as the ones
who got the real medication.
- Yeah, that's a pretty bad lice problem there.
Good thing they pulled you outta school.
- Well, actually, lice,
people think lives in dirty hair.
But the reality is cleaner hair
makes it easier to transfer lice
and also for the lice to move around and get comfortable.
Maximal killing power.
- I love the rain. (lice laughs)
(ominous music) - These are cute lice.
- What is that? (ominous music)
(lice screams)
- You know you never think about things like that.
(lice scream)
I feel bad for lice now.
My sympathy goes up for lice.
Rip lice.
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As always, stay happy and healthy.
(upbeat music)