A man in Pennsylvania attempted a robbery,
but he used something much more creative than a gun.
Hi, I'm Alessandra from Italy. Let's talk about that.
♪ (theme music) ♪
- Gooooood Mythical Morning. - This episode is brought to you by
Kotulas.com, The Guys With the Goods. Lots of amazing things to purchase
- at that site. - Such as the Stun Cane. (crackles)
One million volts right there, Link. Right there. (crackles) This is like an old
man's cane. He's walking around, he's like--
- But you can shock somebody with it! - (old man voice) Hey sonny. Oh, you
wanna call me Grandpa, huh? (crackles)
- Grab it right there. - It's a Taser. It is a one-million-volt
Taser built into a cane! I love Kotulas.com 'cause you can only get stuff
like this at Kotulas.com! (crackles)
- (gasps) - No, no, no. Don't touch me.
Good gracious. It's frightening. Whew, that shook me up.
Ah, we wanna thank all you people who have submitted video responses saying,
"Hi, I'm so-and-so from whatchimaplace. Let's talk about that."
We wanna invite more of you to submit your video response.
Here's how you do that: You just make a video response to any one of the episodes.
Probably pick the most recent episode of Good Mythical Morning.
Make a video response. People are asking, listen, you get people to say,
"I'm so-and-so from whatchamacallit, let's talk about that," then you never
talk about that. Well, because they're saying "let's talk about that" about what
we said we were gonna talk about that before they came on the screen.
- Yeah, that's right. - It's just like--
- No, that's not right. You're wrong. - (dramatic voice) A man in Pennsylvania
did a robbery and used something more interesting than a gun.
(higher voice) I'm Rhett from Fuquay-Varina North Carolina. Let's talk about that.
(normally) The guy with the thing. That's what I'm saying.
Oh. Maybe we should just change the format of our show and just talk about
where people are from. That would be awesome.
- Yeah, that would never get old. - So just change your inflection a little
bit. I don't even know how to do it, you know. You're on your own there, but just
try your best. You kinda know what we're going for.
When people ask me where I'm from, I still say-- I don't think I'm ever gonna get to
a point where I'm like, "I'm from Los Angeles California."
Well, "Where do you live?" is one thing, but where you're from is another thing.
- Yeah. - News story. Let's talk about it.
Sharon, Pennsylvania. That's not a woman; that's a place.
- A what? A share? - Sharon is the name of the place.
- It's not a woman. - Oh, Sharon.
Police say a man tried to rob a Western Pennsylvania gambling parlor by
threatening to spread a staph infection. Online court records don't list an
attorney for 41-year-old Fred Parker of Coolspring Township. Police say he walked
into Lucky's Internet Cafe. There's still internet cafes, huh?
Internet... well, no, but don't tell Lucky.
(laughs) That summer, my formative summer in Slovakia...
- Mmhmm. - I spent a lot of time in internet cafes.
- Like, gambling? - No! Getting on the internet.
But it was also a gambling establishment.
That's what they are in Pennsylvania, but in my day, internet cafes were places were
- places where you went to send email. - Kinda like the public library, but you
- can win money. - Don't ask me why. I would send an email
to my girlfriend at the time, who is now my wife. I would send an email to her
grandmother. Her grandmother would print it out and give it to her. What?
- Because this was, what, the fifties? - (laughs) It was 1999.
- What? - I don't know why that's the way we did
- it in '99, but it was a good year. - Because it was tangible, you know?
(dramatically) Here it is. (normally) We've lost the magic of that.
Printing off emails and reading them. We need more of that!
- The grandmother part is also important. - But he robbed an internet cafe...
- In Sharon. - using a staph infection?
- Yeah. - How do you do that?
Well, he came in there on Monday night, to the internet cafe, and he didn't get
on the internet. He just began touching the walls and gambling machines claiming
he had MRSA. That's some sort of staph infection. It stands for something; it's
- an acronym. - MRSA.
Yeah. We call it MRSA. A serious staph infection that resists antibiotics.
So he goes in there with nothing but himself and his viral-ness, and he's like,
- "Put 'em up, I have a staph infection?" - It's not viral; it's bacterial.
- Oh. Bacterial. - But it was ineffective. Police say
Parker left when the cashier refused, but was arrested a short time later based on
his description. Not based on his infection but based on his description.
- So it didn't work. - Well, you know, he gets
- points for creativity. - Points. He's also going by
- the point system. - He also gets points, yes, yes.
He gets respect from us, but the cashier wasn't going for it, huh?
Well, apparently not. I do give the guy some credit. I won't say points. I give
him some credit. I respect him, because he was thinking. He was thinking, "If I go
in to rob this gambling parlor/internet cafe..." Which, I guess there's money
there, he is thinking about that. There's money there, like a stash of money.
"If I use a gun and I get caught, I'll get arrested for armed robbery."
- Ahh. - But if I go in without a weapon other
than my own infection, then I'll just be arrested for infested robbery,
- or, you know... - They have to invent a new charge!
Yeah, yeah. In fact, I believe it's completely legal. I think he completely
bypassed the system. He found a loophole. But he was arrested, so maybe he didn't
- find a loophole. - Yeah, it was still attempted robbery,
- but it was just... - It's not armed robbery.
With points for being creative. I think the judge might reduce the sentence or
something. Leave a comment and let us know, as we continue to talk about this,
what's the most creative way that you would rob an internet cafe? Not that you would!
- I'm not saying that you people-- - Don't!
aspire to rob internet cafes, and we're not saying that you should.
- You shouldn't. - But, you know, you should probably
rob something that has more money. I just don't think that they have a lot of money.
But I'm also-- I'm not even saying that. I think I'm digging myself a hole here.
Yeah. You shouldn't rob anyone. We're not--
- Don't rob anybody, but if you-- - If you decide to rob, don't use a gun,
or a knife, or a weapon. Use your infection.
Use something more creative and tell us in the comments what that would be.
But you still will be arrested, though. And you probably won't be successful,
especially if-- You know what, I bet you the cashier was just resistant to MRSA
and knew it. He's like, "Oh, I've had it. I've already developed natural immunity
- to that, punk." - I would just think it was a joke,
you know? I mean, is this really serious business?
That's the thing. Have you seen the movie Contagion?
- I've seen a billboard for it. - The one where Gwyneth Paltrow doesn't
look like Gwyneth Paltrow, and then you look at it and you're like, "Oh, that's
- Gwyneth Paltrow." - I thought that was Tilda Swinton.
Yeah. It's not Tilda Swinton, it's Gwyneth Paltrow.
- Oh, gosh. Don't do that again, Gwyneth. - Listen. I'm a student of many things,
Link, as you know, and as the people who watch this show know. I'm a student of the
bacterial... I'm a student of the microbial arms race.
- I'm willing to grant you "BS Artist... - (laughs)
... of the Microbial Arms Race" but I'm not gonna go much farther than that.
This is a real threat. Not this man with a staph infection, but the fact that we have
created very resistant bacteria because we are... you know, there's lots of talk
about this in the news, especially recently as we've gotten more and more
resistant bacteria because we've overdone the antibiotic thing. You know, it's kind
of a generational thing, too, because it's just like.... growing up, especially my
parents' generation, if you got sick, it's like, "I gotta get me an antibiotic.
I gotta get rid of this cold. I gotta get an antibiotic."
Yeah, I can understand that. I mean, I've definitely done that.
You hope... because I've been to the doctor and I've been like... I've been
miserable, and it's just, "Just give me something to make this better."
And I hate it when they say, "Oh, well, you know, it's a virus. I can't give you
anything." Cause a virus... antibiotics don't work on a virus, right?
- Exactly. - But if you take the antibiotic, you
- become immune to it? - No, what happens is, people take
antibiotics where they're not necessary and those bacteria adapt to that
antibiotic and then they become stronger. And another thing people do is they don't
finish the course of the antibiotics because they begin taking the antibiotic
and they're like, (silly voice) "I feel better after the first day! I'm gonna
quit now!" (normally) And then they quit, and that bacteria is left over. It doesn't
necessarily make them sick again, but it perpetuates the problem.
We do it in the population and then we end up with things like MRSA.
You know what? My kid got MRSA. He's not the one that robbed this bank. He's not
- robbing banks in Pennsylvania. - But he got better, right?
- I remember this. - Yeah. We were freaked out, because he
- had this boil... this is kinda nasty. - Oh, gosh. Let's...
He was a two-year-old. A two-year-old with this infection that wouldn't heal. We took
him to the-- whoa! Excuse me. We took him to the--
- You just talked to the mic. - Yeah. I really respect this microphone.
- Excuse me, mic. - We took him to the pediatrician...
- I just bumped you. - We were really freaked out, and they
were like, "This happens all the time." I was like, "Really?" They said, "Yeah.
Two years ago, we got two cases of MRSA in children a year. Now we get, on
average, nine a month." And it's not just happening with... people are like,
"Oh, what are you, letting your kid play around in the kitty litter? You letting
your kid go into the garbage?" No, it's happening everywhere. It's at gyms, it's
at playgrounds. We've created it, people.
I have seen your children in kitty litter and garbage dumps, though.
He's fine. He's now three; he's fine. There has not been a recurrent infection.
He doesn't rob banks. But it's a serious problem.
But did the doctors say, "You know what, this is a scary situation, but the least
you can do is take advantage of it. Go to your nearest internet cafe and see if you
- can round up some dough?" - Well, when they told us that we had the
infection, I seriously thought about taking the infection, putting it in a vial
of some kind, and finding the nearest internet cafe, but they don't have
- internet cafes anymore. - The CIA is already coming.
- (laughs) - They're listening and they're already on
- their way here. - I think there's some kind of system the
CIA has when they hear, like, "vial" and "infection" and different things like that
it sets some alarm off and then they cue into this and then we get phone calls.
So let me summarize. In this episode, we're seemingly advising you to rob
internet cafes, and we're giving medical advice and, like, how to take or
- not take antibiotics? - No.
We are overstepping our bounds at every turn, people!
- (dramatically) Good Mythical Morning! - Oh, you think it's a good thing?
- I'm just-- I'm being facetious. - Before we dig ourselves in a bigger
hole, let's just spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
(Link grunts) Oh gosh. Here it is.
- (Link) I put it down the other way. - (Rhett) Yeah, don't do that.
- Spin it counterclockwise for me, Link. - (Link) You know what? I'm gonna--
You see what happens? Look. You see what happens when you--
- When you spin it clockwise? - (Rhett) Improv ending song.
Okay, this one was suggested by... bam! Here we go.
That was a little... that was a little I don't know what that was.
- Here we go. All right, we're gonna do-- - I didn't wanna have to do this.
- ♪ (guitar strums) ♪ - So you're gonna improv the song.
Just play a little something. I'll sing a little something.
♪ (upbeat guitar music) ♪
♪ Well, this is the end of another Good Mythical Morning ♪
♪ We're so glad you showed up! ♪
♪ But now it's time to end it all ♪ (speaking) Well, not end it all,
- just end the show. - (speaking) Are you gonna kill yourself?
No, I'm not gonna do that. I like myself more than that.
- ♪ See ♪ - ♪ (harmonizing) youuuu tomorrowwwww! ♪
[Captioned by Caitrin: GMM Captioning Team]