all you've been hearing from coaches across the internet is no contact no contact no contact
and you did it and it didn't work so now what in today's video we're going to talk a little
bit about that we're going to talk about what happens when you go no contact and it doesn't work
hey what's going on my beautiful people this is certified life and relationship coach coach court
if this is your first time viewing me do me a favor and subscribe to the channel that will help
me out a lot and i appreciate you guys for always supporting the channel and the continued love that
you guys have shown in today's video we're going to talk about what happens when you go no contact
and it doesn't work this video was sparked by several people that i've worked with in the
past several comments that i get on the channel and it's something that i feel like i wanted to
address but the first thing i want to address is what is considered not work you know when you go
no contact what's working if they come back to you if they come crawling to you and saying hey
i missed you i want to get back together with you i should have never left you i made a big mistake
what's work i feel that when no contact works is when you get yourself to a good healthy state
mentally this is why i call it the self-discovery rule if you can get yourself to the point
where you can pick yourself up off the ground and move forward without that person let's say you get
back out to dating again you get back to hanging out with your friends and your family again
you know the people who you've cut off because you got into relationships they started to feel like
this person is not putting me as a priority anymore because he's in a relationship or
she's in a relationship and that's not cool now if you can get yourself to the point
that you can connect with those people again doing no contact that's what i consider working
because i feel like no contact should be called the self-discovery rule not the no contact rule
i had an email consult that i did with a guy and he was a little bit frustrated because he
tried other coaching programs and you know they told him about the 30-day no contact rules he's
watched videos about my six my six weeks to eight weeks no contact rule it didn't work as far as
like getting that person back because that person went to someone else they actually monkey branched
and moved on to another person so that's pretty much his worst case scenario is losing her to
another guy and he said it didn't work because he felt set back like he wasted time trying to
uh count the the little you know in jail you put the little tallies on the wall and you know
i don't know if you guys ever been a gel or not based on the movie examples that they give
you they have these little notches that they're putting on the wall just
waiting on that 30 days to go past or that's six to eight weeks and i feel like that's a
waste of time that's not using your time wisely you're not risk rediscovering yourself again
you need to be doing something that's going to be productive but what he was doing was
checking the social media uh inquiring about what she's doing constantly checking up on her
location on if they still share location on her iphone just constantly doing that and i'm like
of course it's not working you're not healing you're not letting yourself you need to also
feel you know i know what they say that you should you know give this person a chance to miss you
but you also got to give yourself a chance to not miss them you know you got to get yourself to the
point mentally where you feel like you can move on without that person because every time that
you check that snap story or you check the to see if they message you or you keep going on facebook
you're you're just peeling that scab off and you're bleeding all over again you're
never going to be able to heal that way so if you hadn't haven't gotten yourself to the point where
um you can go a week without hearing from them seeing them or wondering what they're
doing two weeks three weeks then you're never going to get to that point so he said that he
didn't work for him you know no contact didn't work and rightfully so but here's the thing
she moved on to someone else and you also have to give that a chance to run this course
because if it's a relationship that was over a year or two and you were very familiar with
that person you guys did everything together and they try to bounce over to someone else
and it happened relatively quickly if it's within the first month or so then
yeah i would say that that definitely is a rebound so and sometimes rebounds work
out i'm not going to lie to you and say that they don't we change as we get older we should
if we're not then what are you doing you should constantly be this is what i like studying the
zen philosophy is the old you has to constantly be dying off like every day you should be a new
renewed version of yourself and if you're still holding on to these old ideologies and what
you used to have in the past and how things used to be you're going to struggle for a really long
time most of the time when men in particular they reach out to me they have a snapshot of
the way that the relationship was at some point in the past they have a snapshot of
just how beautiful this valentine's day was this one year or how she was doting all over you 24
7 to the point where you felt like you're getting tired of her and then once she decides to flip
the script on you and say i don't want this anymore and leave you and move on from you
then we go we go into this panic mode you know when i used to coach football and i
played football for a long time and there's one thing that you should tell the wide receivers
you want to eat up the defender's cushion so once you get too close to them it's the saying goes
if you're even you're leaving if a defender lets you get too close and then you're like up to here
he can't turn fast enough and make up for how fast you're going to run past them so it's the
same thing with the relationships too you get complacent and you feel like you're a little
bit confident you know a little bit cocky you let them get up on your cushion and you're like
ah she's never going to leave me in the next thing you know she's running right past you and you're
turning around trying to make up for everything you're buying flowers you're delivering things to
your house you're trying to do these things that's going to overcompensate for the way that you were
showing up in the end and unfortunately what i learned about relationships is once that that
in love feeling for you is gone and they check out the more that you do to try to make up for it it's
just gonna look repulsive right so going back to no contact if you're someone who is going through
that and you feel like it's not working you need to redefine what working looks like to you
if you can wake up in the morning and not have this gnawing feeling in your stomach if you
don't have this knot of anxiety if you don't have this this these nightmares because i've
experienced that too you get nightmares sometimes because the subconscious mind is so powerful
that even if you try not to think about it what you ruminate over the most is what's going to
show up so if you want my help personally the quickest way to get into contact with
me is through my website or my patreon account all those links are in the description below you can
also follow me on my other social media accounts twitter instagram facebook is i am coach court
and i want you guys to always remember when you go be love you'll never have to find it namaste