MY FIRST GUEST IS THE EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR WHO PLAYS
FRANKIE HECK ON "THE MIDDLE."
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> GOING BACK TO THE PIZZA.
>> WHAT?
>> IT WAS EXPENSIVE.
>> I'M NOT EATING HIGHWAY PIZZA.
>> IT MIGHT NOT BE ON THE HIGHWAYMENT IT MAY STILL BE IN
THE PARKING LOT.
>> FINGERS CROSSED BECAUSE PARKING LOT PIZZA IS SO MUCH
BETTER.
>> IT MIGHT STILL BE IN THE BOX.
>> THIS IS INSANE.
WE ARE NOT HAVING THAT CONVERSATION.
>> WHAT IF IT IS NOT IN THE BOX BUT STILL FACEUP.
>> WE'RE NOT DOING THIS.
>> FRANKIE, YOU WOULDN'T THROW 24 DOLLARS OUT THE WINDOW AND
NOT GO BACK FOR IT.
>> THIS IS THE FAMILY WE ARE NOW, WE EAT FOOD OFF THE ROAD.
WE DO THIS WE ARE LOSING THE ONE THING THAT SEPARATES FRUS POSSU
M, IS THIS HOW LOW WE'VE SUNK.
>> I FEEL LIKE WE'VE SUNK LOWER.
>> NOTHING COMES TO MIND, BUT I KNOW WE HAVE.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME PATRICIA HEATON.
(APPLAUSE) >> HI.
>> Stephen: NOW THAT SCENE HAS THE RING OF TRUTH TO IT.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE A MOM OF FOUR BOYS.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER SUNK SO LOW AS TO GO BACK FOR ROAD
PIZZA.
>> I HAVE NOT SUNK THAT LOW, NO.
HAVE I HAD TO CLEAN UP POOP POOLSIDE AT THE FOUR SEASONS.
>> Stephen: OH, WOW, THAT IS VERY GLAMOROUS.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE A TV STAR.
>> I KNOW.
WELL, THEY DIDN'T HAVE-- YOU KNOW, THE FOUR SEASONS, THEY
DIDN'T HAVE ANY CLOTH TISSUE OR ANYTHING.
EVERYTHING WAS LINEN, IN THE POOL SIDE BATHROOM.
>> Stephen: IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM, IT'S THE FOUR SEASONS
PROBLEM.
BELIEVE ME F I HAD TO CLEAN UP POOP POOLSIDE I'M ASKING FOR
SILK.
I'M TRYING TO CLASS THE MOMENT UP AS MUCH AS CAN I.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: WELL, LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: I, ONE OF THE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT YOU IS THAT
YOU'RE A CATHOLIC IN HOLLYWOOD.
I'M NOT IN HOLLYWOOD BUT I'M A CATHOLIC.
>> YOU ARE.
>> Stephen: I MEAN, I.
>> YOU ARE MORE-- WHO IS MORE CATHOLIC THAN-- .
>> Stephen: ARE YOU CHALLENGE ME TO A CATHOLIC THROWDOWN?
ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME?
LOOK AT YOUR BONA FIDES OUT THERE.
THIS IS A PICTURE, HOLD ON.
OF YOUR FAMILY.
(LAUGHTER) WHERE ARE YOU IN THIS?
WHERE ARE YOU?
>> I'M RIGHT THERE.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> THAT'S ME, RIGHT THERE.
>> Stephen.
>> ON MY MOM'S LAP.
>> Stephen: DOES SHE EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME?
YOU, THE ONE WITH THE HAIR.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: AND THE TEETH AND THE FINGERS.
>> BECAUSE MY LITTLE BROTHER IS THERE, THAT IS MY COUSIN, MY
SISTER, THIS SISTER SHARON IS NOW A DOMINICAN NU N.
IN FULL HABIT.
>> Stephen: DAMN, HOLD ON.
I CAN'T COMPETE WITH THAT.
>> WELL, YOU COME FROM A VERY BIG FAMILY.
>> Stephen: I COME FROM 11 KIDS IN MY FAMILY.
>> MY MOM WAS ONE OF 15.
>> Stephen: OKAY, BUT THAT IS ONE GENERATION BACK.
YOU DON'T.
>> RIGHT.
YOU GUYS WERE MODERN WITH THE 11 KIDS.
>> Stephen: 11, EXACTLY.
-- Z AN THEY'RE LIKE BIB I WILL KAL NAMES.
>> OF COURSE.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE TO HAVE A SAINT NAME IN THERE.
THERE IS NO ST. PATRICIA.
>> WELL, ST. PATRICK.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
YOU HAD TO SWITCH IT OVER.
PATRICK, PATRICK HAD TO GO INTO TRANSITION FOR YOU.
NO, IT'S GOOD.
>> IT IS GOOD.
>> Stephen: HE GOT RID OF THE SNAKE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
NO, BUT WE-- YOU KNOW, (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: IT'S ALL PART OF THE STORY.
PART OF THE STORY.
>> THAT'S REALLY GOOD.
>> Stephen: SO YOU WANT TO YOUTH CATHOLIC ME, GIRL.
>> OKAY, WELL, LET'S SEE, I HAVE A DOMINICAN NU N SISTER.
>> Stephen: BUT DO YOU WANT TO QUIZ KNEE.
>> YEAH, LET'S SEE.
HOW MANY PLACES DID MARY APPEAR, NAME THEM.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HOW MANY PLACES DID MARY APPEAR?
A LOT OF PLACES.
>> NINE.
>> Stephen: NINE?
>> SINCE HER DEATH.
>> Stephen: SINCE HER DEATH.
>> NAME THREE, COME ON.
>> Stephen: I HATE TO TILL, KIDDO, BUT MARY WAS ASSUMED
BODILY INTO HEAVEN AND DID NOT DIE A MORE TAL DEATH, BOOM.
CALLED THE FEAST OF THE ASSUMPTION.
>> IN THE AFTER SHE DIED, AFTER SHE ASSUMPTIONED.
>> Stephen: NOW QUEEN OF HEAVEN.
>> BUT THEN SHE CAME BACK AND APPEARED TO-- .
>> Stephen: I KNOW SHE DID LORDES, AT FATIMA, AT
METROGORIA.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: BOB'S BIG BOY.
(LAUGHTER) TO JUAN DIEGO, GAWD LUPE.
>> AND A COUPLE ARE FRENCH BUT THEN THERE IS ONE WILL YOU NEVER
GUESS CUZ I DIDN'T KNOW THIS EITHER.
>> Jon: I GRILLED-- .
>> Stephen: A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH IN GEORGIA, AT THE
BOB'S BIG BOY.
>> NOCK.
>> I DID NOT KNOW THAT.
>> Stephen: I KNEW THAT.
>> SHE APPEARED TO A BUNCH OF PEOPLE IN FRANCE, KIND OF ALL
AROUND THE SAME TIME.
I HAVE A FEELING THERE WERE A BUNCH OF FRENCH WOMEN WITH
NOTHING TO DO.
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
>> STARTED SAYING THEY WERE-- .
>> Stephen: AND SOME VILLAGES THAT NEEDED SOME INCOME.
I WILL SHOW YOU, FIVE FRANCE MONDAY SEUR.
VERY BEAUTIFUL, GO TO IMAGINE SHE IS STANDING THERE BUT IT WAS
EXACTLY LIKE THAT.
>> EXACTLY, YES.
YES.
>> Stephen: HUH?
>> HOW AS A CATHOLIC, HOW DO YOU SELL YOUR HOUSE FASTER?
>> Stephen: YOU BURY ST. JOSEPH, STATUTE OF
ST. JOSEPH UPSIDE DOWN IN YOUR LAWN.
YOU DO.
AND I WILL TELL YOU A STORY, TRUE STORY, MY MOM, THE MOST
CATHOLIC PERSON I EVER KNEW, SHE WANTED TO SELL HER HOUSE, THIS
WAS DURING THE RECESSION IN THE 90s.
SHE COULDN'T SELL HER HOUSE, SHE KONTD MOVE THE DAMN THING SOME
OF SHE HEARD ABOUT THIS THING FROM HER MARION FRIENDS LIKE YOU
KNOW, PUT JOE UPSIDE DOWN.
AND SHE GOES I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO ST. JOSEPH.
SO SHE GOT A STATUTE PUT IT IN THE GARDEN AND THE HOUSE DIDN'T
SELL.
SO THE STATUE, SHE EVENTUALLY WENT BACK OUT, DUG A HOLE AND
PUT IT UPSIDE DOWN AND THE HOUSEHOLD.
AND SHE SAYS I FEEL TERRIBLE.
I SAID MOM, CLEARLY JOE ONLY UNDERSTANDS THE ROUGH STUFF.
TRUE STORY, TRUE STORY.
WOW.
SO WHAT IS THE THING CALLED WITH THE THING WITH THE LINES YOU
HOST THE HOST IN THAT HAS A CLASS THING AND YOU CARRY IT
AROUND.
>> DEMONSTRINE.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE REALLY GOOD.
>> FILL IN THE BLANK.
WHO SOAFER WEAR THIS BLANK SHALL NEVER ENDURE THE FIRES OF HELL.
>> Stephen: SCAPU LAR.
WOW.
DON'T YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE AND STRIE TO STOP ME WITH A SCAPU
LAR.
WE HAVE NOT SAID JACK ABOUT YOUR TV SHOW.