Hello everyone. It is I, John Maclean, leader of the shiny boiled egg peoples. In today's film I'm
going to show you how to apply furniture lacquer to your nipples as well as use a T3247X95Y
fine angled brush to paint a starfish betwixt your eyebrows to give the illusion that your face
has an arseh*le. Just take a little of the Kryolan-dermacolor-cream-panstik-deluxe-concealer-
powder-cheek-highlighter in a shade "White Sh*te'" Stipple that gently onto the crab apple of your
cheek being mindful to use extra coverage on the delicate giant wart that exists at the end
of your witch nose. You might be thinking "John, how do you climb onto those high wooden beams
for to hang upside down for to sleep of a night?" and to that I say with a few incantations and a
Stannah stairlift. Liberty, agency, representation. In 2001 I murdered a pigeon. Sherbet Lemon.
I like to keep a bar of gold adjacent to my tit. Ohhhww. Mmmm. If you caught me at my London meet-and-greet you
might also be wondering "John, why were you sitting astride a pale purple pearlescent plastic paddling
pool filled with urine?" and to that I say, mind your own fucking business. Flawless, seamless and
pointless. Take your Stargazer a white palette and liberally doopy-dump-dump on your chin
Quite flawless. I like to be very productive and flit around day-to-day like a blue-arsed fly. So
although you may not be able to see off screen I have individually sellotaped brushes to my
toes for to dust my teapots under the table. I often find it's best to stay in the house with
a giant huge f*cking black hat because if the sunlight were to ever penetrate my porcelain
complexion I might turn into an ethereal and very beautiful vagina shaped shard of fused
quartz silica. Sometimes I find that it's quite right to use lily-of-the-valley carpet cleaner
on my décolletage area for to remove the gritty and grainy scales that come naturally with being
a weathered 18th century lizard. I do so simply love the idea of taking a piece of shit out
of a common person dumpster and manipulating it and crafting it into a fine piece of skilled art
I once prior used the laser beams within my eyes to turn this old dead giraffe into this fine Tiffany
lamp, which I then duplicated in the lab to form these rather exquisite hair of earrings. In late 1999 I
sneezed so god damn hard that I just imploded. The Jeffree Star Liquid Frost in this lovely creamy shiny
lavender shade gives my skin and oily sheen that resembles gone off beef. Some people like to glow
for the gods. I like to glow like a steak that's been out in the sun for a month. Today I'm going
to show you how to make your face look like lips floating in a bowl of milk. I've very recently been
struck down with an illness given to me, passed on by the lady who resides next door so I do so
indeed apologize about that, but don't worry about any further infection I've personally gone next
door and beheaded the bitch, using this Jeffree Star Beauty Killer palette RRP $59.99. Oh dear
YouTube viewers it does appear that I've rather gone into labor. Oh no I'm not quite sure actually I
might just be achieving my ultimate form. Take your MUA pearlescent highlighter in the shade 349 and your
Kevyn Aucoin Wayne Goss Rachel Dolezal collab brush and just sort of zhuzh it around. Take
your 390472627262 brush and just throw it at a passing car. Take your Laura Mercier pressed
powder in the shade "B*kkake" and throw it into the sea. Now when I apply blusher it's almost like I'm
putting it on my entire visage. I only apply the very faintest amount the idea is to look seamless
and flawless. Take your B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T brush - brush - brush... Like I said I'm really sorry it's come to
this I'm sorry you had to sit through that erm, abhorrent creation I just made. It was - someone
was gonna do that impression eventually. You know? That parody was just waiting to happen. That dude.
I apologize John Maclean that that had to happen I had to besmirch your name in that way. Umm but there
you go that was my John Maclean impersonation yeah I looked great yeah. Looked really solid. So
thanks for watching guys I hope you've enjoyed this. I'm just gonna say a little birthday shout out
to Michealangelo happy birthday darling! Hopefully you're not watching this today, today
is your birthday but I guess if you're watching this then you're not like out having fun so maybe
hopefully you'll see this like the next day, like tomorrow, when you're like hungover hopefully if it's
been a good a good birthday for you? I hope you got loads of cash. I'm all about cash. So I hope you got
loads of cash have a lovely time. Ah, cheers chookers sweetheart! Thanks for coming guys please
subscribe, find our social media in the description below and I'm so sorry. And a "rooty tooty fresh and
fruity" to our gorgeous Patrons. If you'd like to become a Patron visit patreon.com/novympia.