Are you worried that the person you’re dating might be a narcissist? And, if they are,
why is it so toxic and dangerous? Stay tuned because In this video, you will learn why
dating a narcissist is so emotionally dangerous and how to spot to the earliest warning signs
So you can avoid the devastation associated with being in this toxic relationship. So
don’t go anywhere because we’re starting in 4 seconds.
hi everyone.. I’m dr Antonio Borrello, Welcome to another video. I’m a psychologist and
relationship coach and I make weekly dating and relationship advice videos. This channel
is all about helping you build great relationships so you can grow happy with the people you
love. So, if you’re interested in making your love life the best part of your life,
start now by clicking the subscribe button and the bell notification so you aren’t
missing anything. OK… on to signs you’re in a relationship with a narcissist.
First… what is a narcissist? The term narcissist is used to characterize a person who is overly
self-involved or excessively in love with themselves.
But Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is much more than an over inflated ego.
to quickly summarize, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a collection of maladaptive behavioral
patterns (symptoms) that are very different than what is accepted socially. These chronic
symptoms cause significant personal, social, and occupational problems for themselves and
for anyone in a relationship with them. Narcissists can be dangerously manipulative,
exploitative, and abusive. And a pathological narcissist engages in extreme forms of most
of these behaviors while remaining unaware and unconcerned with the effect of their actions
on others.
So what are the problems with being in a relationship with a narcissist? Well, three big ones..
Narcissists will exploit you… that means they will do whatever it takes to feel special
at the cost to those around them. They are capable of doing anything necessary to get
ahead or stand out, including hurting other people. Extreme narcissists may suffer incredible
withdrawal—periods of anger, sadness, fear, and shame—until they can sneak, demand,
borrow, or steal their next dose of attention.
1. 1. If feeling special means taking the credit for someone else’s work, so be it.
If they have to criticize others mercilessly to feel superior, even if it means throwing
their partner’s self-esteem under the bus, they will. In essence, this means that self-esteem
enhancement is ultimately more important to them than you can ever be. When their self-esteem
dips, they become grandiose and insist that they are special, perfect, and omnipotent—while
devaluing other people as inferior to them. So, As the closest person to them, they are
likely to devalue you in order to feel more important again.
2. They feel an Extreme sense of Entitlement. Narcissists act as if the world owes them
and should bend to their will. The narcissist feels completely entitled to disrupt and in
some cases destroy the lives of others so that his needs and desires are met. Along
with the extreme self entitlement is an unrelenting ruthlessness. If you are between a narcissist
and his goal, even if you are his spouse or child—be prepared for this person to overrun
you to get to where he deserves to be.
3. Empathy Impairments. Narcissists lack emotional empathy. A lack of emotional empathy
means that narcissists do not feel bad when they hurt you. They may not even notice your
reaction. If they do, they are highly unlikely to care. If you complain, they will deny responsibility—“You
are too sensitive.” Or they will blame you—“If you weren’t so stupid, I wouldn’t have
to correct you so often.” Besides a complete lack of empathy… narcissist
rarely apologize because they find it too humiliating to accept blame,—even when they
clearly know that they were wrong.
OK… so now that you know why narcissistic relationships are so bad… many of you are
probably thinking… It Wont Happen to me…. I’d never allow anyone to control me or
engage in abusive behavior. Of course…. No one would knowingly dive into an abusive
relationship with a narcissist The problem is that they don’t start out as abusive.
In the beginning, narcissists are charismatic, attentive, committed, they are real life Prince
Charmings. These relationships often begin as incredibly intense and passionate love
affairs. An abuser will work to make you feel so appreciated and loved, you won’t
even notice he is controlling you as you relinquish your life an inch at a time while becoming
more and more entrenched in the relationship.— In other words, they hold themselves back
until they gain their partner’s trust and love. And it works.
Yes, the intense and passionate start of a narcissistic relationship makes symptoms difficult
to recognize. But there are early warning signs and red
flags that can protect you before you’re too emotionally involved. Here are six of
the earliest signs.
1. Idealization - Placing People on Pedestals
Narcissists often elevate their new partners to unrealistic levels and ‘place them on
a pedestal’. This allows the narcissist to feel special by association. Their belief:
‘I must be pretty amazing if she is with me.’ This idealization or ‘love-bombing’
is one of the more difficult warning signs to accept. She wants to see him every night.
He wants to move in after a month. The narcissist may claim you’re perfect for each other,
that it was love at first sight, that you’re soul mates, and other romantic-sounding things.
Unfortunately, the desirability of this behavior gives controlling narcissist the best opportunity
to gain total control over the other partner’s schedule and life.
2. Smear Campaigns Against Prior Lovers During your “Honeymoon Period”
In an abusive relationship, the “honeymoon
period” is the illusory calm before the storm. The narcissist holds themselves back
until they gain their partner’s trust and love. They are on their best behavior which
makes seeing their true colors much more difficult. Still, they are often more than willing to
discuss their past relationships which can give you valuable insight and possible warning
signs.
When talking about their history, narcissists often describe past lovers as “unstable”,
“crazy” and or “abusive”. In addition, narcissists may even explain the “smear
campaign” they waged against their former lover at the end of the relationships. Pay
attention and listen for examples of triangulation or validations from the narcissist’s support
network. Of course, they hide behind a cloak of feigned innocence as they explain their
“genuine concern” for the well-being of past lovers. Pay attention to the how they
talk about other relationships. You’ll be surprised at what you might learn.
3 Exerting Narcissistic Control and Imposed Isolation
Narcissists have a constant need to remain
in control and stay in charge because when they are not, they may have to depend on another
person to get what they want. And they can't stand to be at the mercy of other people's
preferences; it reminds them that they aren't invulnerable or completely independent -- they
might have to ask for what they want -- and even worse, people may not feel like meeting
the request.
So, Rather than express needs or preferences themselves, they often arrange events (and
maneuver people) to orchestrate the outcomes they desire. But as with most of these red
flags, the efforts at control are often far subtler than outright abuse. Instead, narcissist
have a way of making you feel nervous about approaching certain topics or sharing your
own preferences. They make choices feel off-limits without expressing any anger at all – instead,
maybe a disapproving wince, or they will give you a last-minute call to preempt your plans,
or be chronically late whenever you're in charge of arranging a night together.
Again, they arrange events (behind the scenes) to get what they want. For example.. you
make plans to go out with your girlfriends on Saturday night, and suddenly the man your
dating has front row tickets to see your favorite band on the same night.
they are effectively preempting the plans you might have made… by planning to do something
extravagant.. and presenting it as a surprise they know you can’t refuse.
And this type of control happens gradually… subtly.. slowly without even realizing it,
you fall into another person’s plan, preferences or desires…
Another way they can gain control over their
partners is by isolating them. Imposed isolation begins with your partner criticizing, questioning,
and making unwelcome your closest friends and social network. Abusers will try to make
you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with friends and family. For example, a woman
might avoid an evening out with her friends because she knows her partner is jealous and
is afraid of his reaction afterward. To mask his jealousy, he’ll flip the conversation
towards questioning her motives for wanting a night out.
4 Emotion Dodging \ Emotionally Unavailable
As things progress and get more serious, we see new signs developing. One is finding that
your partner dodges emotions or is emotionally unavailable. Deep down, narcissists are very
insecure and have tremendous difficulty with feelings of vulnerability. As a result, they
dodge and avoid any expressions of insecurity, fear, and hurt. They avoid showing their vulnerability
at all costs and often change the subject when feelings come up, especially their own.
NARCISSISTS imagine themselves as perfectly self-sufficient and invulnerable to other
people’s behavior and feelings. SO They wont let you know when they feel unsure or
hurt by something you’ve done or said. Instead, they lash out in anger combined with a show
of superiority. They become condescending. They might even point out all the ways you’re
lacking. Their main goal is to hide that you’ve affected how they feel. Some narcissists won’t
even admit to their anger, claiming, “I’m not yelling,” while they’re in the midst
of a terrifying tirade. That’s how far they’ll go to avoid acknowledging emotion.
5 Emotional Projection
Because narcissists have difficulty coping with their emotions, they often try to rid
themselves of negative emotions by claiming \ accusing others of having this experience.
Narcissist not only project their negative feelings on their partners, they actively
coerce, stir-up, and convince their partners that they are experiencing that feeling. For
example, a narcissist may lash out and range at their partner, accusing them of always
being angry. Then, they continue this tirade until their partner IS angry. Narcissists
also say and do things to make their partners question.
(doubt) their attractiveness, intelligence, accomplishments, and competence. Doing so
makes the narcissist feel like they can shine in comparison.
6 Gas Lighting We all feel self-doubt, sometimes, and that
is why this form of emotional abuse is so effective and destructive.
Sometimes an emotional abuser will deliberately lie to you to confuse you and make you doubt
your perceptions. They will make you doubt your own observations, memory and sanity.
Or, they will argue and wear you down until you don’t trust what you know is true. And
Sometimes they will straight out deny what you saw.
Emotional abusers will attack your clarity,
your ability to tell right from wrong, your intelligence and your good sense. They will
remind you of mistaken perceptions you’ve had in the past or insist on how superior
their own intelligence is. But the goal is always the same: to destabilize your sense
of sanity, competence and self-worth…
None of these signs, in isolation, proves that you're with a narcissist. But if you
see a lot of them, it's best to sit up and take notice. They're all way of dodging vulnerability,
and that's a narcissist's favorite tactic. Regardless of which signs they display, people
who chronically avoid acknowledging feelings are incapable of deeper intimacy and true
loving relationships. They’re too internally preoccupied with their own fears or judgments
to be able to genuinely share in a relationship. So, if you’re seeing multiple warning signs
or a progressive pattern develop, you should be concerned. Be wise, trust your instincts,
and protect yourself. If something doesn’t sound or feel right, do what’s best for
you and keep yourself safe.
Can they change? Maybe… but Remember.. The people you love can’t change if they’re
unwilling to acknowledge their problems, whether they’re drug addicts, alcoholics, or extreme
narcissists. If they can’t get past their denial and begin to recognize their unhealthy
patters… it might be best to move on.
I’d love to hear your examples of the ways narcissists have snuck into your life. How
long did it take before you realized that this relationship was like no other? Leave
a comment below and lets start a discussion.
And, if you’re interested in building great relationships so you can grow happy with the
people you love, make sure that you’ve subscribed and turned on the bell notification so you
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Thanks for watching… I’LL SEE YOU IN THE NEXT VIDEO.