-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."
I am your host, Shipwrecked Jimmy Fallon.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, I finally did it -- I went through puberty.
Yeah.
Really cool. [ Cheers and applause ]
I like it. Thank you. Appreciate it.
Yes, I've grown a beard, and, yes,
this definitely won't help with people confusing me for
Jimmy Kimmel.
I want to get to the point where I can annoy people
by taking out a tiny beard comb at the dinner table.
But enough about me.
What a show we have for you today.
Hillary and Chelsea Clinton are my guests tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ] Yes!
That's right.
Right now, Hillary's on her nationwide "I Told You So" tour.
Well, guys, let's get to some news.
Yesterday, President Biden was delivering a speech
in Wisconsin where he was interrupted by a heckler.
Can we see the president's response?
-By the way -- [ Indistinct shouting ]
Alright! God love you.
Let him go.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't --
Let him go.
Let him -- He's --
Look, everybody's entitled to be an idiot.
No, no, everybody's entitled, okay?
-"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
♪♪
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no."
Everyone's entitled to be an idiot.
Yeah, that sounds like something your mom would say
after your dad insists he can fix the dishwasher.
Yeah. "Everyone's entitled to be an idiot.
Go ahead."
"You put this, uh -- Put that..."
I also am pretty sure that's the first insult to ever
start with the phrase "God love you."
No, no, no, no, no.
After a few more seconds of heckling,
security was like, "Okay, that's enough, Mr. Trump.
Please -- Just please."
Yep, Biden wasn't pulling any punches yesterday.
He also went after far-right Republicans
and referred to them as "Trumpies."
Trumpies sounds like a breakfast cereal
that's all marshmallows.
Right? You want some Trumpies?
Trumpies sounds like a word for when
a toddler gets grumpy on a train.
Like, "Uh-oh, he's got a little case of the Trumpies."
Trumpies sounds like something you catch from
hooking up in a hot tub.
"Hey, I just found out I have Trumpies.
You should get yourself checked."
Speaking of the former president,
a federal judge unsealed the list of materials
seized from Mar-a-Lago, and it revealed that Trump
had classified documents mixed in with
newspaper clippings, magazines, and clothing.
Even T.J.Maxx was like, "Dude, get it together in there."
That's right -- Trump had classified documents
mixed in with newspaper clippings, magazines,
photographs, and even clothing, but right now,
millions of people are still defending Trump.
[ Glass shatters ]
What was that?
-Oh, nothing -- nothing, Jimmy.
I just found your monologue very funny tonight.
That's all. Just keep telling your funny jokes.
-Oh, yeah. I will. Thank you. Thank you.
Meanwhile, a judge just granted Trump's request
for a special master to review all the documents
seized from Mar-a-Lago, which could massively delay
the Justice Department's investigation into
the former president.
[ Glass shatters ]
-[ Stammers ]
-Can we get her a paper cup? Get her paper cups in there.
Did I mention Hillary Clinton is on the show tonight?
Hillary Clinton and Chelsea.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's right -- the special master has to review
over 11,000 documents, which could delay the investigation.
Man, only Trump could avoid jail just because
there's too much evidence.
Switching gears, after two failed attempts
to launch their new moon rocket, NASA has postponed the mission
until at least next month.
Even more annoying, they still texted the moon, "There in 15."
No, you're not. You're not gonna be here.
Some entertainment news.
I saw that a British reboot of the reality show "Survivor"
is coming to the BBC.
It's gonna be even harder than the American version.
The contestants will be stranded on an island
with nothing but unlimited British food.
Some more TV news.
Amazon just debuted their new show
"The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power."
Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
It's good.
And HBO has their new show "House of the Dragon."
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's very confusing,
which probably explains the commercial I just saw today.
Watch this.
-Hey, fantasy fans, if you love J.R.R. Tolkien,
then you'll love "Lord of the Rings: The rings of power."
And if you love George R.R. Martin,
then you'll love "House of the Dragon."
They sound similar, but "Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power"
is based on "Lord of the Dragons,"
and "House of the Ring" is based on "Game of Rings."
One was written by G.R.R. Markien,
the other by Tolk R.R. Dragon.
Only Amazon's got "Ring Lord: Power of the the,"
while only HBO's got "Drag House."
Sunday nights are for "House of Pancakes,"
and Thursdays are for
"Ring of the Ring: The R.R. of House.
So sit back and enjoy Hulu's Showtime original,
"Dragon of the House: Ring Dings and the Sorcerer's Stone,"
based on the novels by R.L. Stine.
[ Cheers and applause ] -It's just...
So much good stuff.
Hey, guys, I read that an E. coli outbreak
linked to the lettuce at Wendy's has now spread to
six different states and sickened 97 people.
Ooh, yeah. Meanwhile, Chipotle heard that
and was like, "97?
Please, we do that in a day."
I heard about a dog at an airport in Italy
who made a pretty big discovery.
Take a look at this.
-A drug-sniffing dog at a Milan, Italy, airport
found more than 30 pounds of cocaine in a wheelchair.
The narcotics were stuffed into the chair's leather upholstery.
Authorities say the suspect immediately stood up
from the wheelchair and was arrested.
[ Laughter ]
-Yep. The guy stood up like, "It's a miracle!
I don't believe it."
♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]
And, finally, it is Tuesday, guys.
It is time for "WeTweet." Here we go.
-♪ "WeTweet" ♪
♪ "WeTweet" ♪
-Welcome to "WeTweet."
This is where we, as a group, decide something
that we should post on Twitter.
I'm going to show you five different tweets,
and we're all going to vote on whether
you like each one or not.
You all have your voting clickers at your seats.
I can tell right there by the confusion.
There you go. Like, "No, that's your clicker."
You can all vote for -- You can vote for all of them
if you want to.
You can vote for none of them. I just want to you to have fun.
And then we're going to see the results live.
Higgins, Roots, you all have your clickers, as well?
-Ready, clicking away. -Good.
Roots, nice to see you.
Whichever tweet gets the most likes,
I will tweet it out live on the show
during the commercial break,
and then you can all like it and "WeTweet" it.
Yeah, yeah. It's a shared experience.
Alright, you guys ready? Here we go.
The first tweet is...
[ Laughter ] ♪♪
When it's not you, yeah. Alright.
Cast your vote, thumbs up, thumbs down.
The votes are in. Let's go.
Let's just see the results right here.
-Whoa! -Whoa, not bad!
157.
-Wow. -I feel good about that one.
-157 -- that's good.
-Very positive group here tonight.
I like these guys.
The next one is...
♪♪
Sit, sit.
Sit.
Sit. Good boy.
Sit. Alright.
-I'm going to say not as good.
-I'm going to say not as good on this one.
-Yeah. -I like it, but I don't think --
-It's a valid point.
-Yeah, if we were playing a different game.
-Yeah, I mean, a different game, it'd be like --
-Valid Point. That is a valid point.
-Dogs should exercise, yeah. -That's correct.
-But this is a different game. -Let's see the results.
[ Drumroll ]
Oh, my God. -Yeah. Wow!
-Wow. -Knockout punch.
-Very honest audience. Yeah, very honest.
They were giving and then they --
They giveth and they taketh away, yeah.
Alright, let's look at this next one. It says...
That was a mistake.
Exhausted. -Yeah.
-He's a great actor. -Wow!
-One of the greatest actors of all time.
Legendary actor.
-But you don't want your baby -- -No, no, no.
You don't want -- tired Gene Hackman.
Let's see the results on this one here.
[ Drumroll ]
Alright, okay. Not bad.
-Wow.
-I love that the audience is that honest.
They really are like, "Yeah,
I'm not going to give it to you.
No."
You think it'd all be 200, 200-0.
No, the people are making a choice here.
-Yeah.
They love Gene Hackman. -Yeah.
Next up, have this one.
♪♪
"It can go up -- It can go 150 feet above --
It can go 60 miles on one charge.
You can --" Like, "Yeah, yeah. Who cares?"
Let's see the results on this one.
[ Drumroll ]
-Oh! That's shocking.
-Airport still -- -Airport still by five.
-Yeah. Because when you see people running through, it's --
-I know.
-And sometimes, the one wheel comes off,
and then you got to re--
You got to try to figure out both wheels.
The one wheel goes off, the Rollerblade wheel,
and then it's like, "Aah!"
Then it's turning, and then you -- Yeah, you're in trouble.
Alright, this last one.
Yeah, I think that one's going to be the winner, I think.
-You think airport or this one?
-I see this one here, and I'm gonna say airport.
-Okay.
They all can't be winners, man.
-Yeah, I know, man. -They all cannot be winners.
-Here we go. It's a fun game either way.
-Yeah.
-Here's the last one here. It says...
♪♪
-It's something -- -Some knew it, but --
-My kids would love that one.
-Your kids would dig that one. -That's a valid point. Yeah.
-No, no, we're not playing Valid Point.
-Oh, I thought we were playing Valid Point.
-That is not the game we're playing.
We're not playing Valid Point.
-That "sit," and this one -- -No, no, it's not Valid Point.
"Dinnerables" -- it's got to beat 157.
I think not, but let's see the results.
[ Drumroll ]
Oh, there we go right there!
I like it. I'm happy with "airport."
Thank you all very much.
The winner is number one, "airport," right there.
Seeing someone else run is fun as hell.
I'm going post this during the commercial break.
If you see it on your feed,
give it a like, give it a "WeTweet," and enjoy.