- Where in the world is Superwoman today?
NYC!
Falafel over rice.
Big Apple.
New York cheesecake.
I'm hungry.
What up everyone, it's yo girl Superwoman!
If you know me in person, you'll agree with me
when I say I'm a pretty cheap person
and if you don't know, now ya know.
Straight up man, if life was a game of Monopoly,
I wouldn't care about owning all four railroads.
No, I would just buy one bike and get around that way,
and whoa, whoa, don't confuse cheap with
don't care about money. No, I care about money.
I enjoy making money.
Hell, if I got $200 every time I passed Go in real life,
I'd be doin' the mother f'in cha cha slide over that ish
be like cha cha right here, cha-ching,
bring it back now, ching-ching.
But spending money? Not a fan.
And here's why.
Expensive things are annoying.
Let's talk about expensive restaurants.
First of all, you have to dress all fancy to go to
an expensive restaurant and that in itself
is annoying to me, okay?
I'm here to eat food, not walk a runway,
and all the carbs I'm about to eat are not gonna agree
with these skintight jeans, okay? Honestly, I ain't trying
to wear spanx tonight.
Don't kill my vibe.
What up t-shirt reference?
♫ Don't kill my vibe. Don't kill my vibe ♫
I open the menu and it's gonna be complicated as F, okay.
I'm gonna be looking at this ish and it's gonna seem like
it's written in another language, why?
Because fancy restaurants never have a straightforward menu.
They always wanna confuse you.
I'm looking at this thing, I'm like what, what is this?
Waiter, what is this?
And the waiter's gonna be like,
"Oh, yes ma'am, those are the razor-shredded
potato verticals."
You mean fries?
Da eff?!
Then why didn't you just say fries?
I swear to God, this menu is made by a student that had to
hand in a five page essay but only had one page worth
of ideas, so they're just adding in words,
changing the font, f'in up the margins.
On top of that, fancy restaurants always have dim lighting
which is strange because you'd think with all the money
they would make, they could afford lights.
I'm squinting to read this menu because it's so dark
and then they have that one weak candle in the middle
of the table and I'm like, this candle ain't doin' nothin'
for nobody. Straight up.
This candle is the light on Rose's life jacket in the middle
of the ocean in Titanic, okay? It's not saving nobody.
And then the waiter's gonna come to your table
and go on and on for five minutes about the specials
like "today's special is the filet mignon, duck stew quack,
"served with potato verticals and a hint
"of raspberry vinaigrette, pumpkin seed brussel sprout
"broccoli, roasted over a nice maple-oak fire
"with lemongrass and blueberries."
And I'm sittin' there like, that sounds horrible.
Is this a mother f'in restaurant or are we about to do
a YouTube smoothie challenge?
What the hell are you talkin' about?
I'll take a veggie burger with fries and a Coke.
Hold the mignon.
(laughs)
Mignon.
All this stress where if I just bought a $1 pack of
Kraft macaroni and cheese and I'd be at my home,
comfortable, in my track pants, on my couch,
watching Ballers on HBO Saturday night
doin' the Rock Johnson, but instead, I'm all up in Bel Air
trying to order onion rings from mother f'in Iron Chef.
Mignon.
Let's talk about expensive hotels.
You check into an expensive hotel
and it's minimum $200 a night, okay?
You walk into this nice fancy lobby,
you go to the front. Parking, $40.
You walk into your room that looks like a normal damn room
and you decide yo, I'm a little bit hungry so
you order some food, $8 service charge
for your $15 french fries.
Those fries made you thirsty, so you open your mini bar
and you take this Coke that has $7 written on it.
Another example of f'ed up margins.
You sittin' there and you need some wifi so
you call the lobby, you like hi, I'd like to get the wifi
and they're like oh okay, that'd be $14 per day per device.
And you already know you got several devices.
Now you need an f'in savings plan for this wifi.
Like, why am I paying so much for a hotel room if you gonna
charge me so much for everything else?
♫ Don't kill my vibe. Don't kill my vibe ♫
Some hotels even have sensors on items,
like you know the alcohol bottles,
the Coke cans, something, if you just so much as move them,
not even drink them, just move them, off the sensor?
It'll charge you.
Like, what the F?
I cannot be responsible for the atmosphere, okay.
What if there's an earthquake?
You want me payin' $20 because of plate tectonics? Nah B.
♫ Don't kill my vibe ♫
Where as if you walk into a cheaper hotel that's still clean
but doesn't have valet parking or a nice lobby,
free parking.
Free wifi.
Dope vending machine on the 4th floor where
you can buy your breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
They pick you up from the airport,
they drop you back to the airport.
It's like being in a relationship with someone who knows
they're not as hot as everybody else, okay?
They overcompensate and it's great.
Let's talk about how you gotta be so careful
with expensive things.
Buy a new phone for $800, you gotta keep the plastic on
that ish, buy a case for that ish,
get warranty for that ish.
Buy a $4000 purse and you can't even put that ish anywhere.
Did you know once a girl yelled at me because I put
her expensive purse on a clean carpet in my house?
"Oh my god, did you put my Gucci purse on the floor?"
Like, ex-squeeze me, Girl? I ain't got no mother f'in
Pride Rock up in my living room to hold your purse off of
(sings The Circle of Life from The Lion King)
Your purse is not Simba.
Also, your baby sister is sleeping on the dirt over there.
"She's fine."
$4000 on a purse?
(makes noise)
Buy a new car and you gotta wipe your shoes clean
before you enter that car every single time.
You can't eat or drink in your new car.
Where as if you had a cheaper car, you wouldn't give an F
and things would be easier like my car for example.
My car is bruk up, okay? But me? I be eating sloppy joes
driving like (makes noise like hitting curb and swerving)
was that a curb? (repeats noise) Was that a tree? Oh my bad.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
I don't eat sloppy joes. I'm a vegetarian.
But everything else is true.
And I understand sometimes money can buy convenience
and nice things and I appreciate that. Sometimes,
I want that because sometimes, I do have expensive taste.
But not when it's my money.
If it's my money, I'm all like okay, our UberX
will be here in 3 minutes.
Hi, I'll take an economy seat in whatever
standby flight you have. 5 stopovers? That's fine.
32-hour journey? $100 cheaper? Sign me up.
And I'll have some of that.
Oh, guac is extra? Oh sorry, nah I'm allergic to guac.
But when a company is paying for my ish?
I'ma need you to pick me up in an Uber lux.
Yea, I'ma need a first class ticket please.
Oh, and you know what, in fact, my back has been hurting
a little bit, I don't think it's in the best interest
of my body to and well-being to stretch and put my backpack
in the overhead compartment, I'ma need two seats.
Yea, can I get four sides of guac please?
Oh, what, sorry? I know that guac is extra! (claps)
Can I get another sandwich? Thanks, in fact, you know,
can you get a sandwich for my sandwich? It looks hungry.
And because I don't like expensive things,
you know what I do love?
Free things.
Speaking of free things, have you downloaded my app yet?
Dat segway doe.
No, but forreal, you gotta download my app.
Unicorn Island is completely free for iPhone and Android
because it's been totally revamped.
It has a game in it called Flappy Unicorn
and it is the best thing ever.
Also, I go on follow sprees like every single day.
Also, every Friday I'm gonna take one piece of fan art,
post it in the app, print it on a t-shirt
and wear it in my video.
Also, every Monday I'm gonna give a shout-out in my video
to the person who has the highest score in Flappy Unicorn.
For this and many other reasons, including
hi, can you please download my app,
you should download my app!
The links are in the description.
I'll wait here patiently as you go ahead and do that.
(sings nonsense)
If you liked this video, please give it a big thumbs up
and comment below letting me know if you're cheap
or if you're not cheap. Either way, I still love you.
You can check out my last video right there.
It is a collaboration with Shay Mitchell on how single girls
discuss relationships. It's been doing really well
so I guessed you like it. If you're on a phone and can't
click the annotation, I'll also put
the link in the description.
You can check on my last vlog right there,
subscribe to that channel because I'm almost
at a million subscribers and that would be awesome
and cool, I have to burp, hold on.
Other than that, make sure you subscribe because I do make
new videos every Monday and Thursday
and I would love nothing more than for you to be here.
One love, Superwoman, that is a wrap and zoop!
(sings "New York")
♫ My vibe ♫