Hey everybody. This week on Ask Cristen we're talking about--who's we?--why age is a number,
sure, but it's also a lot more than a number like for instance a set of globally inconsistent
and historically mangled and rather confusing laws.
This week's Ask Cristen question came a while back from Alexsmilestolies. 'What's your opinion
on different legal ages of consent? Is the ability to give consent even measurable in
age or legally?' Question mark. To answer your first question of what my opinion is
of all these different legal ages of consent, a) I think it's super confusing, b) I think
it reflects how we culturally approach sexual maturity, particularly of girls, 3) nope that
would be c) I think it promotes a lot of mixed messages about what is and isn't okay and
acceptable behavior between people. There is an absolute utility and importance of having
these kinds of laws in place in order to create legal ramifications for things like statutory
rape and pedophilia. At the same time that leaves a lot of other people wondering what
is and isn't right. A lot of this really started to emerge in England in the 18th century with
this growing concept of childhood as distinct very definitively from adulthood. People starting
to get concerned about the welfare of children, placing these ages of consent laws in place.
They placed them in place. In a lot of European countries the age of consent at this time
was 13. In early, early America, the ages of consent were even lower, usually 10 to
12 years old. A lot of it was scientifically based on the average age of menarche or when
someone gets their period for the first time, aka when aunt Flow first comes a knocking
and says hello, oh god! And then spills red koolaid all over your white pants. Then when
you have more urbanization and industrialization, more women working outside the home and being
unmarried at the same time, you see ages of consent starting to rise because there is
that moralizing over oh my god we must protect the women from themselves and also from these
men. It's focused on women because women are the ones who can get pregnant and pregnancy
out of wedlock was also an economic liability. And it's also worth noting in a horrific kind
of way that these kinds of laws that were being enacted were exclusively intended and
executed to protect white women. This is the era in which legally speaking, black women
could not be raped. The racist ideology at the time maintained that black women as well
as black men were hyper-sexualized creatures and thus would always be playing the role
of temptress rather than ever possibly being the victims of rape. Which might sound astonishing
today but was just the way of life. Let's talk about now and Alex's second question
of whether it's even possible to quantify when someone can give consent in a healthy
and knowledgeable kind of way by age or legality. Generally speaking yes, because at some point
in order to codify this you have to establish some kind of benchmark. That benchmark tends
to sway somewhere between 13 and 17. Really big window. As William Saletan outlined so
well at Slate. Our bodies prepare us puberty-wise for sex and our brains start thinking about
sex before our psyches are really that mature and that happens before our emotions are fully
mature, if I mean does that ever even like happen though. I can also attest to that disconnect
between the time when our bodies and sex brains for lack of a better term develop and when
our maturity psychologically and emotionally develop. Because at the time I absolutely
thought I was mature enough and ready to have this kind of relationship with a significantly
older guy that probably would have gotten like super-physical, super-fast. Looking back
now through my adult eyes I can see how he and I were on completely different playing
fields, not even so much physically, but more psychologically, experientially and maturity-wise.
And I'm honestly grateful in retrospect that it wasn't allowed to happen due to my parents
being like, whoa, no. Not because the guy was some kind of predator but rather because
he saw me as someone more mature both physically and sexually probably, and mentally then I
actually was. Please keep in mind that a) I'm recounting a personal experience that
happened to me and also am still who absolutely believes in safe, healthy, consensual sexual
exploration and development. I don't think we should demonize masturbation or sex or
anything like that when it comes to younger people because those urges in our brain little
sex brains are there and that's totally fine. The fact of the matter is though that there
are layers to it. And unfortunately age of consent laws don't really clarify anything.
Glass half full I think they can offer at least some guidelines. Now I want to know
what you think about this and I know you have lots of thoughts because I hear them in your
e-mails and private messages. Let me know in the comments below. And thanks to everybody
who watched and commented on last week's Ask Cristen video, 'Why do women belong in the
kitchen?' Cathy Covarrubias said, 'My husband and I have switched "rolls" several times.
This past year, I have been the "bread winner" and he has been more the "stay at home husband".
He just got a job where things will be switched. For us, as long as we are comfortable, it
doesn't matter to us who does what but I have to say he's a better cook.' Vlad Masters commented,
'I took a sociology course a couple of years ago and I remember one of our units centered
on how women in the 80s, 90s and 2000s were not only working women, but their domestic
duties were still put upon them too. I would say it's making slow changes, where the typically
male partner is taking on more responsibility but women are still expected to have the 9-5
job, to cook dinner, to run the kids to school and sports practice and keep their home clean
and stocked with food. It's a really interesting/sad aspect that's stuck over the decades.' If
you've got anything on your brainhole be sure to ask me some questions so I can get you
some answers.