my next guest is a comedian who is
taking his show Fahim Anwar works his
hour again to the Comedy Store in
Hollywood on January 28th
please welcome back to so the very funny
Fahim Anwar
thank you thank you so much I did uber
eats today doing very well yes who
breeds is convenient I've noticed but
it's it's a weird it makes your dinner
feel like a drug deal for no reason I'm
just outside my apartment looking for a
black Prius I'm like what's up you all
AHA oh no keep driving bro
I see you now the guy in the corner I'm
like uber eats he's like nah crack
sometimes your goober each driver will
pull up and there's two people in the
car like what is this this isn't the
Amazing Race
also if you're the passenger in that car
how sad is your life like I got nothing
going on can i shadow you sometimes
they'll pull up in a really really nice
car and that makes no sense
am I really a Tesla you know you could
just drive a Honda Civic and not have to
do this
well you shouldn't be handing someone a
burrito and then pulling your door down
like but we're living in the future with
all the apps and everything it's crazy
like imagine if you were talking to
someone from the past and they're like
what's the future like like oh man it's
crazy there's like so many scooters so
there's no flying cars no it's just like
a bunch of scooters that's pretty dope
why is it dope cuz you could just like
leave it there it's hard to explain I
visited my parents recently what I've
noticed about middle-eastern and
families they like to keep up
appearances like no matter how messed up
things might be going in the family they
like to keep up you know appearances
white families are too honest they'll be
like Travis is addicted to meth we don't
know what to do I saw their TV for meth
money you know middle-eastern families
would never do that they would spin it
they'd be like Abdul cleans the house
constantly
[Applause]
where's your TV Abdul started his own
business already he said our TV for us
sell our microwave he is top salesman
Abdul donate his teeth to charity
I'm dating a little bit photos you were
trying to meet up with a girl who's just
like out and about it's impossible
they'll be like hey we're at this club
come and you finally find parking and
then you get a tags boom hey we're at
this club alright you finally find
parking hey we're at this club now it's
not even a date I'm just Dog the Bounty
Hunter track down Stephanie I'll do the
apps sometimes I'll match with a girl
and then I'll go back to her profile and
it'll say like just here for friends and
like what do you do with that now I just
messaged them I go hey do you think you
could take me to LAX you weren't sure if
you wanted to give it up but you did and
I appreciate it you know I was hanging
by a thread I'm like I'm gonna get it
yes but also why are you on dating apps
for friends I don't get that that's like
me going on LinkedIn to smash like oh
you thought this is a business meeting
read my profile
I've noticed a lot of girls profiles
they'll be in front of angel wings so
many girls just soar in front of angel
wings it's easy to roll your eyes at it
as a guy but then I thought if there was
a wall with Wolverine claws on it
every guy would be in front of it like
you're sure about that one
all right good to know for my next
late-night when I do the same jokes also
you notice like women you're kind of
discriminatory on these apps you'll be
like if you're under five foot ten swipe
left and to me that just seems a little
hypocritical when like you guys wear
makeup every day like I leave that guy's
5/9 all the time like if it rained he's
not like yeah
[Music]
you were four feet tall
I didn't think it would rain
alright that's it for me thanks guys
[Applause]