Do you want to know how to prevent your kid from being bullied? Well, I'm Nicholeen Peck, I'm
a parenting relationships expert and that is what we are talking about in this video today.
Let's talk about this. There are ways to prevent your child from being bullied, whether they've
been bullied before or whether you're just going, "I don't want my child to ever be bullied. I want
them to have the kind of strength so that that's not an issue for them." All the things we're talking
about today will apply to either one of those scenarios so let's get started. The key difference
from helping a child before they've been bullied and after they've had some bullying already occur
is that before a child ever gets bullied, they need to have confidence and they need to have strength.
When after a child has already been bullied, they need more skills. In fact, both sides need skills
but the child who's already been bullied before has got to have something really concrete to hold
on to and that's where your skills come in. So, we're going to be talking about some of those
skills and how to create that additional strength and confidence in this video today. The first tip
that I have for you today might actually surprise you. One of the ways that you teach your child to
become strong and to increase their confidence is actually by improving the home environment. So,
if your home is a really bonded connected place, if they talk openly with you about things, they have a
good connection with you and your relationship is in a really good place, then chances are they will
actually have increased confidence or at least more confidence than the run-of-the-mill child who
maybe doesn't spend as much time talking to their parents. When they are in the habit of conversing
with you about day-to-day things and having open conversations with you, then the prefrontal cortex
of their brain develops more and they're able to solve their problems. The increased ability to
solve problems will increase their confidence and make them an unlikely target for a bully, so that's
super important. Now, if your child has already been bullied before, they still need this bonding time
with you. It's important for you to develop open conversation with them and for you to teach them
how to mature. Did you know that when a child is maturing or a child feels more mature then
a bully will usually leave them alone? In fact, what the bully does not want is someone to see
through what they're doing. So, we can prepare our children to see through what the bully is doing
very easily. Before I get to my next point, I just want to ask you a question. Have you noticed any
change in the bully culture that we have right now in our society? I feel like there's definitely
been some changes, maybe you have to. What are you seeing? More bullies? Less bullying? Why are people
bullying too? That would be really interesting, and in your comments, don't bully each other, okay? This
bond that we're creating in our relationship with our children actually has the potential to bring
them to truth. So, here's the thing. When a child is being bullied or I know some of the people
watching this video might be thinking, "I just don't want my child to ever be bullied," what we need to
remember is that the words that are being shared by a bully or maybe even some of the actions
are all manipulative, which means that they're lies. So, in order to make it so that your child does not
fall victim to these manipulations or lies that a bully might use, then we need to make sure that our
children understand the difference between truth and lie. In fact, now we're hitting a spiritual zone.
So, when you want your child to not be bullied, you need to make sure that you are infusing them with
truth and light and love, that's why that bond that you have with your child is so vital because it's
that relationship that is going to teach them what is really true, what feels like real love and real
light and that's what they need in order to be able to expose the lies that a bully might push
at them. So, your child needs to know what it feels like when they hear a truth or they experience a
truth and what it feels like when they experience a lie. Often times, the children that are bullied
are believing something that the bully is saying. Maybe they believe the bully will do mean things
to them, maybe they believe that what the bully is saying to them about, you know, how nobody likes
them or whatever it is that they're making up. But if they know what a truth feels like and what a
lie feels like, and that has to be taught by you, and hopefully you've got that spirit of light with
you and you can show them examples of truth versus lie as you go throughout your daily life, then they
won't fall victim to those lies of the bully. In my "Teaching Self-Government Parenting course" that
I'm most known for, I teach a problem-solving skill that is called SODAS, and it doesn't mean
a drink. It's an acronym that stands for situation, options, disadvantages, advantages, solutions. When I
was doing treatment foster care for troubled teens, this was a problem-solving skill that I learned
and utilized extensively to help these teens not bully and not be bullied. So, what I would do with
my children is I would sit down with them and a piece of paper, now I have these special journals
that have the worksheets for the SODAS exercises in them but you could make your own if you wanted
to and basically you write situation. The parent puts the situation, it must be open ended which
means that no decision was made at the end of the situation. The decision has to come in the next
step which is the option step. So, then the person comes up with options. There can be many options,
usually there are at least 3 options for how to handle a situation then comes the disadvantages
to each one of those options even the right choice has disadvantages. Then there are the advantages to
each one of those right and wrong choices as well. There are advantages to a wrong choice that's why
a person makes a wrong choice. Then there is the solution. The child fills out the entire
sheet either with you or on their own and then you discuss their solutions and the thought patterns.
So, you could use this problem-solving exercise to help a child so that they don't fall victim to
bullying or if some bullying has already occurred before, that they don't want to have again. So, what
you would do is you would make a situation like, "Somebody tells me that nobody likes me
and that I should do whatever they want, now what are my options? Either I say okay and I do whatever
they want and I believe them or I question whether they're telling me is true or not and I tell
myself a truth that no, people do like me because I have this friend and this friend and they're not
in charge of me or maybe a 3rd option would be I disagree appropriately with that person,"
that's another skill that you're going to teach a person how to do. It's a really powerful, motivating
self-government skill, then they're going to list all the disadvantages, advantages and what solution
that they pick. These problem solving exercises not only help develop the prefrontal cortex of
the brain but they help the child develop in maturity as well and they help a child know how
to solve their problems before the problems are even present. When a person is preparing
not to be bullied, they need to practice going through a scenario in their head again and again
of not being bullied especially if they've already had some experiences with bullying occur. I know
that bullying can seem overwhelming and we're all afraid that it's going to happen to our loved one
but we don't need to worry if we get them prepared. If you enjoyed this video about preparation,
I know that you'll really enjoy my next class which is called The Expectation Trap vs.
The Cycle For Success." In fact, there's some key principles that I share in that class that might
help you understand the skills of self-government and that you can apply to the bullying training
that you are doing so that you can help your child stay free from bullying forever.