It all started when my mom met my dad,
and they fell in love, and they had me.
Hi, I'm Sana.
And my life has been influenced just a little too much by romantic comedies
and their promises of men and serendipity that I’m sure don’t exist
outside a Nora Ephron universe, or even a Netflix original.
[sigh]
This is a romantic comedy.
And so is this.
And this.
This.
And even some Shakespeare.
And obviously, I’m sitting in a diner because that’s where all the best
moments happen in a romantic comedy, right?
[salacious moaning]
Whoo. Oh my God.
The romantic comedy has a pretty straightforward formula.
Person A meets Person B meets conflict - with a good dash of humor meets
insightful commentary on love, or being true to yourself,
or why J.Lo should never
play an Italian again.
And, in Hollywood, there have been a lot of films that follow that formula.
Not exhaustive, but you’re welcome. Enjoy your weekend.
And despite suspicious allegations that
the genre died in the early 2000s,
there’s been a bit of a resurgence.
In the late 2000s
and 2010s, for the most part, romantic
comedies tended to be stale, formulaic,
predictable.
They fell back on those old tropes.
I feel like the romantic comedy is coming back, thanks to
younger filmmakers that are pushing it forward and
reclaiming it for themselves.
But while there are so many incredible and actually good rom-coms,
there are three that stand out as the ones which changed and defined the genre.
All three came from the mind
of this woman: Nora Ephron.
She followed that formula in some ways,
but Ephron had the radical idea that men and women – especially in matters of
love, sex and relationships – had more in common than not.
And that was something which was a bit of
a radical departure from previous romantic
comedies in which male characters were
generally less emotionally complex and
held the narrative power in the story over
the female characters.
For much of the ‘80s, the leading lady
was a male projection of a male fantasy,
but she wasn't a fully realized human being.
And without Nora's invaluable feminist perspective,
Harry Burns would be that self-absorbed know-it-all, and Sally Albright would
have no lines, no jokes
and no public orgasms, if it were not for Nora Ephron.
Ephron was a journalist turned filmmaker
who, through those three films, arguably
did for the romantic comedy
what Francis Ford Coppola’s “Godfather” trilogy
did for the gangster movie.
"The Godfather” is the I Ching. "The Godfather" is the sum of all wisdom.
“The Godfather” is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my
summer vacation? “Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.”
Part of what made these three movies instant classics,
was that they looked at the changing roles of men and women in a
changing America and, in her own way,
Ephron tried to push back against what we sometimes
think of or expect from romance and, especially, male characters.
Previous male protagonists included Woody Allen’s Alvy Singer in his
1977 film “Annie Hall."
He's a character who has a sort of intentional
shallowness that keeps him one-dimensional:
He's the same guy at the beginning of his relationship
as he is at the end of it.
There’s also 1984’s “Splash” with Tom Hanks,
whose character Allen Bauer finds
love with a fish because a human woman just couldn’t cut it, man.
All my life I’ve been waiting for someone, and when I find her, she’s … she’s a fish.
OK.
Ephron, who was friends with Woody Allen,
wrote her male characters with a bit more
of an emotional depth and complexity,
and, in that process, she made them not
only desirable, but on a similar emotional
plane as her female characters, whose
desires were presented as
equally important.
Ephron made her three iconic films in the late '80s and '90s
– two decades that saw significant shifts in the professional
and personal lives of men and women.
These are the decades following the pill, legalized abortion, when sexual
harassment in the workplace was recognized as illegal.
These are the decades when there was an
influx of women in the professional workplace,
a rise in divorce rates and an increase of single-father households.
Single career women, you saw them humiliated in the media and in the movies.
I mean, “Fatal Attraction,” anyone?
Glenn Close, the ambitious career woman, gets murdered in the end.
She was also corrosive to the
idea of a liberated single career woman.
And, of course, the '90s saw the advent of the internet.
- Internet is that massive computer network.
- How does one - what, do you write to it like mail?
In 1989’s “When Harry Met Sally,” Ephron explores the fundamental question of
whether straight men and women can ever just be friends
against the backdrop of the growth of a professional woman who uh,
allegedly knows what she wants.
No, the clock doesn’t really start to tick until you’re 36.
1991’s “Sleepless in Seattle,” capitalizing
on the popularity of call-in talk radio at the time,
looks at finding love as a widower.
And 1998’s “You’ve Got Mail,” which has
probably aged the worst out of the three, let's be real,
invites the possibility of what the
internet can mean for romance and human interaction.
It also features Dave Chappelle as a turtleneck-wearing best friend,
and that still wasn’t the weirdest part of that film.
What all three of these films have in common, in addition to Meg Ryan of course,
is how Ephron wrote men - as vulnerable, complicated, sometimes assholes,
who aren’t afraid to offer up their emotions during the age of the
“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” wisdom.
She was a former journalist. So she observed men and then sometimes lifted
their thoughts, feedback, insights verbatim,
and incorporated them into the script.
The Billy Crystal character in “When Harry Met Sally” was based on director
Rob Reiner, who was so depressed about his divorce from Penny Marshall,
that that's all he would talk about.
And, as a result,
Rob Reiner sort of changed the modern American romantic-comedy leading man
because he was so open and vulnerable.
She did something similar when she used Tom Hanks in “Sleepless in Seattle” and
“You’ve Got Mail,” using his non-threatening demeanor to create a
character who is desired, in different ways, by both men and women.
The original script was a
melodrama written by a man, Jeff Arch.
And the character of Sam Baldwin, the
widower played by Tom Hanks, was
extremely sensitive and a little mopey,
and, in Tom Hanks’ opinion, wimpy.
So he and Nora basically locked themselves in a conference room
at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills,
and she incorporated his feedback.
The result was a Sam Baldwin who was
more like Tom Hanks,
a more empathetic and charming character
than the original. Just like Harry Burns,
Sam Baldwin was a strong yet sensitive guy with sharp insights and quick,
charming wit,
and often defying stereotypes about men
and how they interact with their emotions.
For example, in the movie “When Harry Met Sally,” Billy Crystal’s Harry Burns,
after his divorce from his wife, Helen, openly seeks comfort
from his male friend, Jess.
Helen comes home from work, and she says, “I don't know if I want to be
married anymore.” Like it's the institution. You know, like it's nothing personal,
just something she's been thinking about in a casual way. I'm calm. I say,
“Why don't we take some time to think about it, you know.
Don't rush into anything.”
Yeah, right.
Next day, she says she's thought about it, and she wants a trial separation.
She just wants to try it, she says. But we can still date. Like this is supposed to
cushion the blow. I mean I got married so I could stop dating. So, I don't see
where we can still date is any big incentive, since the last thing you want
to do is date your wife, who's supposed to love you, which is what I'm saying
to her when it occurs to me that maybe she doesn't. So I say to her,
"Don't you love me anymore?”
You know what she says? “I don't know if I've ever loved you.”
Ooh, that’s harsh.
And here, Tom Hanks, in “Sleepless in Seattle,” opens up
about about his feelings of grief, on a national radio program no less.
We had a pretty tough time there at first. But, we’re dealing with it.
And, at the same time, Ephron shows women defying female stereotypes of
of being overly emotional: Sally Albright being the best example of this.
Harry, you’re going to have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling
that you have every moment that you have them.
Oh really?
Yes. There are times and places for things.
Well, the next time you’re giving a lecture series on social graces,
would you let me know, ‘cause I’ll sign up.
Hey! You don’t have to take your anger out on me.
Oh, I think I’m entitled to throw a little anger your way, especially when I’m being
told how to live my life by Miss Hospital Corners.
What’s that supposed to mean?
I mean, nothing bothers you!
You never get upset about anything!
And in that same scene, Sally responds by shaming Harry’s body count
after he asks if she’s really moved on from her ex.
Harry, you’re gonna have to move back to New Jersey because you’ve
slept with everybody in New York, and I don’t see that turning Helen into
a faint memory for you.
It’s also worth noting that Ephron chose Elizabeth from Jane Austen's
"Pride and Prejudice"
as inspiration for Kathleen Kelly in “You’ve Got Mail.”
Elizabeth was described by Austen as feisty and fearless, challenging the
status quo of social gatekeepers who would prefer she stayed in her place.
Ephron also brought in Meg Ryan
herself into the characters she wrote for her.
They collaborated together.
And she spent a lot of time with Meg Ryan, going over what Sally Albright
should sound like and look like.
Meg Ryan was the only actress who could speak the language of Nora Ephron
in the way that Nora Ephron envisioned it.
A lot of Ephron’s challenges to expectations of romance between
men and women aren’t in the plot lines - they’re in the dialogue.
In this scene from “Sleepless in Seattle,” Ephron introduces the female gaze,
the counterpart to the dominant male gaze.
That’s what I’m trying to tell you, what women are looking for:
pecs and a cute butt.
You mean like, “He has the cutest butt?”
Yeah.
Where did I hear that recently?
Everywhere. You can’t even turn on the news nowadays without hearing about
how some babe thought some guy’s butt was cute.
Who the first woman to say this was, I don’t know. But somehow it caught on.
So, how’s my butt?
Not bad.
Really?
Yeah.
Is it cute, though?
I don’t know. Are we grading on a curve?
And then there’s this in “You’ve Got Mail.”
You're good at it.
No, no, no no.
Oh yes.
- Frank!
What? I...
She’s making a ... She’s coming onto you!
No, no, no! They do this on television.
- The Shop Around the Corner,
it's a true New York treasure.
As are you.
[laughing]
Honestly, I'd love to have you back.
- Is she sweating? - No.
- She's touching herself, and she's sweating.
In both these dialogues, we read and hear the female gaze, meaning
the dominant lens through which men and women, in particular, are depicted
is that of a woman’s, not a man’s desire.
Then, there’s how Ephron’s characters envisioned and wanted love.
Both her male and female characters often demonstrated an interest
in a love that aspired
to be more than just perfect-on-paper,
with almost all of her characters leaving
the current relationships they’re in, in search of genuine “magic.”
Meaning, it’s not just women who seek that spark - that leg pop. It’s men too.
Oh, right. Yeah. A snap to find the one single person in the world who fills your
heart with joy.
Well, don't be ridiculous.
Have I ever been with anybody who fit that description?
Have you?
Even the character of Walter in “Sleepless in Seattle,” who is
presented as perfect marriage material, talks about that sort of
magic after being dumped by his partner.
I don’t want to be someone that you’re settling for. I don’t want to be someone
that anyone settles for.
Marriage is hard enough without bringing such low expectations into it, isn’t it?
Now, before you come at me in the comments -
yes, these films aren’t perfect.
“You’ve Got Mail” especially. Look, we love Tom Hanks, but man, his Joe Fox
leaves us with a lot of "yikes" moments. He does, after all, manipulate and,
in a way, gaslight Meg Ryan’s character for a good part of the third act.
But, he does evolve as a character. He goes from this cutthroat corporate guy,
who's interested in the expansion of his family’s fortune and upholding his status,
to meeting a woman he’s absolutely in love with and realizing he needs to be
a better guy so he can deserve her.
The real Joe Fox is revealed to us not in his public interactions,
but in his private moments.
- When you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say the
moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows.
Nora Ephron passed away in 2012. But, her legacy, in film and beyond,
has endured and transformed the role of women screenwriters and elevated
the writing of male and female characters in comedy.
I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble
out there. And I hope you'll choose to make some of that trouble
on behalf of women.
So yeah, I will have what she's having.
And thus concludes a special episode
of Pop Americana.
Season Two, by the way, is starting super
soon. So, make sure you subscribe,
like this video and let us know in the
comments who your favorite leading man
in a romantic comedy is.
And there are wrong answers:
anyone not Hugh Grant.