Hello I m Darren Magee and today s question asks if I d look at self destructive borderline
personality disorder. Now if you like this video if you find it helpful, please click like and
please consider subscribing to my channel for future updates or mental health related topics.
But just as a reminder this video is not a substitute for support from a mental health
professional, nor is it a tool to be used to diagnose someone. Now borderline personality
disorder is part of the Cluster B Personality group, which is often characterised by erratic
and unpredictable behaviour. People with borderline personality tend to be very
sensitive and experience fluctuations in their moods and their behaviour. The smallest thing
can bring about an intense emotional reaction, which can be problematic not just for themselves
but to the people around them as well. Like all personality disorders it's not a one size fits all
it's more like a spectrum I often think. There are many different colours, many different shades,
many different characteristics within that diagnosis, and at the time of the making of
this video there are four recognised subtypes of borderline personality disorder. There is
impulsive borderline, there is quiet borderline, petulant borderline and the topic for today's
video, self destructive, borderline. Now typically people with borderline personality disorder often
feel a fluctuating sense of who they are, what they are, how they see themselves,
how they see others, and indeed the world around them. Their goals, their blades or aspirations,
they may change so often that life can seem quite uncertain and sometimes very confusing.
There is a difficulty in being able to regulate feelings, and as a result of this
relationships can often be quite unstable. What we see are overly dramatic behaviours,
emotional outbursts. There s an intense fear of abandonment, there are mood swings, extreme
anxiety and impulsiveness. And as I say there can be a difficulty with emotional regulation
and a difficulty being able to self soothe. So let s look at some of the common characteristics
of self-destructive borderline. So first of all there can be low mood, there s depression,
and things can sometimes feel like they re more effort than they really are. Someone with
self-destructive borderline can become discouraged very quickly if something requires hard work,
continuous effort or there are any obstacles that may arise. These things can put them off
working towards goals, things like that, that are in their best interest. They can often feel
a sense of defeat before they even try. And there can be feelings of bitterness, resentment, maybe,
maybe bitter towards others who have hurt them. Or bitter towards others who they perceive as
more accomplished than they are. There may be bitterness, resentment towards maybe a situation
that they find themselves in or even past situations which are no longer present because
often what we see is a lot of rumination over past hurts past disappointments. That resentment,
that bitterness is often turned inwards as well. People with self destructive borderline often
feel an intense kind of self loathing, which can have them sabotage their own wellbeing their own
happiness. They, there's a belief there that maybe they don't deserve any better,
they don't deserve to be happy. And this could look like say, they, they have a job they,
but they re maybe not performing at work. They're not doing their tasks or they're not really
focusing. They're not really putting their all into it. They may be turning up late everyday,
taking days off, and they will continue doing this until either disciplined
or until they were eventually dismissed. There can be sabotaging behaviours were
they're pushing away those that care about them, those that they care about as well through
maybe their low moods, their bad tempers. They may even cheat sometimes in relationships.
Pretty much anything that is going to sabotage that situation or sabotage that
relationship and more often not what they doing is actually creating a self fulfilling prophecy.
Again that self sabotaging behaviour. Things that are in their own best interest they,
they see a job but they don't apply for it and then beat themselves up about it afterwards or,
or they do apply for it and don't really give a very good interview they don't really put a lot of
effort into it, but then beat themselves up about it afterwards. Then maybe they do get the job, but
it's difficult because it requires focus, effort, responsibility, and so again they perform in a way
that is going to sabotage that, finding obstacles for pretty much everything they have to do.
These behaviours a lot of the time, apart from the self fulfilling prophecy, another way of looking
at it is what they're trying to do is maybe confirm their own cognitive biases. And because
there is often that unstable sense of self and an inability to regulate how they feel, on one hand,
someone with self destructive borderline can spend a lot of time looking for comfort from others,
looking for validation, looking for reassurances. Looking for, say, attention whether that's good
or bad attention. But because they believe no one really cares about them, any reassurance or
validation they get is either rejected or it's, it's very short lived, the belief being again,
no one cares about me, so it's okay for me not to care about me either. So when it comes to things
like self care, things like, doing things in their best interest, hobbies things that
they might enjoy, projects are going to benefit from, even if it's just relaxation. Sometimes it
can even mean just basic simple personal hygiene. These things are sometimes not seen as a priority,
sometimes not even a necessity. There can also be substance misuse addiction. Sometimes, maybe a way
of self medicating. Other times its risk, its risk taking reckless behaviours, you know, gambling,
unprotected sex with strangers. But these, these behaviours are not necessarily by trying to fit
in or trying to impress others. Again, it is more that self destructive nature. There can be forms
of self harm, physical self harm. There can be suicidal behaviours and ideations. There can even
be a history of suicide attempts. For others, this can sometimes look as if they're just being self
absorbed, or wallowing in self pity, or indeed they want attention with this kind of behaviour,
but this is not the case. Remember that inner turmoil that self loathing is very real to
them. Those who live with self destructive borderline are often very easily insulted,
very easily wounded, very easily disappointed. But again that inability to regulate those feelings,
those emotions, to be able to manage expectations, not just their own their own but to manage
other peoples as well. Almost everything is processed and tends to come out as frustration,
disappointment and depression. Now treating self destructive borderline can be difficult,
difficult in the sense remember they re reluctant to seek help. But having said that, difficult is
not the same as impossible, and because someone isn't necessarily going to change overnight with
the flick of a switch, the push of a button, does not mean that they cannot be helped. Does
not mean that they they will not develop better ways of coping better ways of seeing themselves.
It may take a piece of time and it may take a lot of patience on the part of those people who are
working with them. Developing healthy, positive relationships with others can help as much as, you
know, reaching out to mental health professionals like counsellors, psychotherapists who can help
heal past traumas, learn to regulate feelings, communicate with themselves indeed others in
a more effective way. Learning to make more positive life choices. These things may take time
but they can happen with perseverance and with encouragement. So that's a brief outline of self
destructive borderline personality disorder. There s many things I may have missed please feel free
to use the comment box below. I am interested in some of the conversations that have been starting
around these videos. If you like this video please consider subscribing to my channel for
future updates on mental health related topics and until next time, thanks for watching.