I think we greatly underestimate the impact that dads and partners can have in the delivery room
dads and partners often serve as the primary support person in labor and what they do and
what they say can make a really big difference when it comes to birth now i have supported
over 300 families as a birth doula and there have been many times where I've seen verbal support go
kind of badly now as you know I'm all about sharing practical to the point information on
this channel about labor and birth so that you can have a positive birth experience
and today i am going to be sharing the exact phrases that I recommend that dads and partners
avoid during labor and birth and make sure you stay to the end because i am throwing in my
top recommended phrase that works pretty much in every situation now if you're the one giving birth
and you're watching this do yourself a favor and share this video with your partner so here we go
first thing don't say you've been in labor a long time now listen she knows this is
true this phrase really doesn't bring up much hope or positive feelings if you're
saying it because you want to suggest that maybe she like rest or drink or eat focus on that action
and say that instead of saying you've been in labor a long time you might say how about we
have a snack and open up some yogurt and have her a spoon here's a snack take a couple bites
next up don't say are you tired here's the truth she's tired she is she just is her body is in
labor she's working hard even if it doesn't look like she's working hard maybe she has an epidural
she's still working hard just assume that she's tired if you really like have this burning desire
to ask this question just think to yourself the answer is yes and move on to the next thought
maybe she got an epidural and you know that you learned in childbirth class that she should try
to sleep after she gets the epidural so instead of asking are you tired then instead i suggest
that you just turn the lights down low maybe cover in her in a blanket make sure she has
enough pillows turn on some relaxing music and say let's rest and recharge for the pushing stage
okay don't say do you want to fill in the blank when you're in labor your brain has a really
difficult time making decisions and something as easy as like do you want to go to the bathroom can
be super hard to process so instead say something like let's go to the bathroom now she can always
say no or i don't want to but that's so much better than asking this in the form of a question
now i have found that this one is really hard to stop saying dads and partners they don't want to
do the wrong thing they don't want to suggest the wrong thing and they tend to ask questions
it's very well intentioned and normally it wouldn't be a problem but remember
with this problem with decision making and labor so here's what we're going to do let's write
some of these phrases together so do you want to try another position could easily be changed to
let's try sitting on the birth ball how about do you want to get the epidural how about instead
now seems like a good time for the epidural or do you want to call the nurse change to
i'll call the nurse do you want to call your mom and give her an update to i'll give your
up i'll give an update to your mom again this gives the ability to say yes or no and it's so
much easier on the person in labor now i compare this to like figuring out what you want for dinner
if someone asks you what do you want for dinner this can be a hard question but if someone says
let's get tacos for dinner at least you can start with that idea and you can like veto it or you can
agree to it it's much easier trust me so now that we've eliminated those three phrases from
labor support vocabulary I'm ready to share my phrase that I feel like works in pretty much every
situation now this is a positive phrase and this is you are doing everything right so write down
this magical phrase on your phone right now so you can pull it up in labor because this one works
really for all kinds of situations really doesn't quite matter what's going on whatever your partner
is doing in labor they're doing it right and the reason is that there is no right way in late to
do labor so this phrase is especially good when a difficult decision has to be made or if labor
isn't going as planned it's really not helpful for her to think that she made a wrong decision
or she's doing something wrong it can really negatively impact her birthing experience
and have some powerful and lasting consequences so just assure your partner with this phrase
that you're doing everything right and you'll be doing everything right
for more practical guidance for partners i have a great online course called supporting her
so I created it specifically for partners and you're gonna find a link below and you're going to
find a link over here and those are going to give you 20 off this course now the course is super
practical very actionable we have a testimonial I'm going to put on the screen right here
from one of our recent students joseph and i hope to see you inside that course bye everybody