[Clock Ticking]
♪♪♪
♪ I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser ♪
♪ Midnights become my afternoons ♪
♪ When my depression works the graveyard shift ♪
♪ All of the people I’ve ghosted stand there in the room ♪
devices, they come with prices and vices, I end up in crisis ♪
♪ Tale as old as time ♪
♪ I wake up screaming from dreaming ♪
♪ One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving ♪
♪ ‘Cause you got tired of my scheming (for the last time) ♪
♪ It’s me ♪
♪ Hi ♪
♪ I’m the problem, it’s me ♪
♪ At teatime ♪
♪ Everybody agrees ♪
♪ I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror ♪
♪ It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby ♪
♪ And I’m a monster on the hill ♪
♪ Too big to hang out ♪
♪ Slowly lurching toward your favorite city ♪
♪ Pierced through the heart but never killed ♪
♪ Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism ♪
♪ Like some kind of congressman ♪
♪ Tale as old as time ♪
♪ I wake up screaming from dreaming ♪
♪ One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving ♪
lose all its meaning (for the last time) ♪
♪ It’s me ♪
♪ Hi ♪
♪ I’m the problem, it’s me ♪
♪ At teatime ♪
♪ Everybody agrees ♪
♪ I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror ♪
♪ It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero ♪
♪♪♪
♪ I have this dream my daughter-in-law kills me for the money ♪
♪ She thinks I left them in the will ♪
♪ The family gathers ‘round and reads it ♪
♪ And then someone screams out ♪
♪ “She’s laughing up at us from hell!” ♪
What? What does it say?
It's... The worst
[Kimber] But who got the beach house!?
She’s having it turned into a cat sanctuary
[Kimber] What!? Cats don't even like the beach
[Chad] WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF THE ASSETS?
I FLEW ALL THE WAY HERE FROM IBIZA
To my children, I leave... 13 cents
[screams of protest]
Wait wait wait WAIT You guys
There’s probably a secret encoded message that means something else!
[Preston] Yeah, yeah, yeah that's what mom would always do
“PS: There is no secret encoded message that means something else. Love, Taylor”
[Kimber] Okay. Great, well good job, Chad You finally pushed it too far
[Chad] What are you implying by that?
[Man] I think she's implying that.. you haven't hesitated to trade on mom's name
[Chad] Excuse me?
[Kimber] Ummm, do you not remember your book 'Growing up Swift’
And your stupid podcast 'Life Comes At You Swiftly'
Which I'm pretty sure you are recording for on your phone RIGHT NOW
- CHAD, COME ON! - AT HER FUNERAL CHAD
[Chad] Okay well why don't you go cry about it at the country club that you name dropped mom
and Kimber you are literally wearing her clothes right now
[Kimber] No, I'm not
That’s from the Fearless Tour, 2009
[Kimber] Okay, well you know what, we were very, very close. I miss her
[Preston] They were so close
[Kimber Sobbing]
Okay, I'm just gonna say it, I think she killed her
YOU’VE GONE TOO FAR
KIMBER WAS THE LAST ONE WITH HER!! SHE DIDN’T FALL OFF THAT BALCONY!! SHE WAS PUSHED-
-NOOOO! -YOU MONSTER!
♪ It’s me ♪
♪ Hi ♪
♪ I’m the problem, it’s me ♪
♪ It’s me ♪
♪ Hi ♪
♪ I’m the problem, it’s me ♪
♪ It’s me ♪
♪ Hi ♪
♪ Everybody agrees ♪
♪ It’s me ♪
♪ Hi ♪
♪ I’m the problem, it’s me (I’m the problem, it’s me) ♪
♪ At teatime (teatime) ♪
♪ Everybody agrees (Everybody agrees) ♪
♪ I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror ♪
♪ It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero ♪
♪♪♪
[Laughing]