The ice caps are melting. The earth is warming. And we're pretty much doomed.
But you know what makes me feel like I'm doing my part to save the world?
Recycling!
I recycle all my cans and, in turn,
a kid in Kenya gets a new pair of shoes.
Don't ask me how it works, but -
That's how it works.
It turns out that recycling isn't going that well these days.
>> Thousands of our recycling plants are actually
>> paying to dispose of their recyclables,
>> instead of getting paid for the recycled materials
>> they're supposed to be making.
So, instead of selling their recyclables,
companies are now paying to do what we'd all rather do in the first place:
Just said, "ah f*ck it, I don't know."
And throw sh*t everywhere.
Recycling flopped pretty quickly, didn't it?
We haven't been doing it for that long.
I remember when I was a kid,
my parents would just throw sh*t out the window of the car.
That's how I lost my little brother.
That was a sad week.
The entire recycling business is suffering.
China used to be a big importer of U.S. recycling,
but now our garbage is so sh*tty, even China doesn't want it.
>> China has told the world, "enough of your garbage." but now our garbage is so sh*tty, even China doesn't want it.
China has told the world, "enough of your garbage."
>> 24 types of foreign solid waste are no longer being imported.
>> China's policy change is the result of trade tensions between China and the Trump administration.
China has actually been warning us for a long time that our recycling is contaminated.
It just took a different piece of garbage to make them say, "Enough!"
But, China, if you're listening -
Suck a d*ck, China!
We let you build our iPhones and this is how you repay us?!
It's not that we shouldn't recycle.
It's just that we suck at it.
>> The U.S. doesn't enforce recycling.
>> So a lot of recyclable material gets mixed with trash and goes straight to landfill.
>> And even when recyclables get placed in blue bins, they often get contaminated with trash or other recyclables.
>> For example, broken glass can stick to paper and plastic, making them harder or impossible to recycle.
Hm, that explains why eco-friendly toilet paper just shredded my a**hole.
The craziest part is recycling companies aren't even interested
in improving the way we recycle because
some of the biggest ones are actually owned by landfill companies,.
So, even the recyclers are playing both sides.
It's like if the Make-a-Wish foundation also supplied the child labor to Nike
Look kid, kid, kid, kid, kid, kid, kid?
We're going to do everything in our power to get you Tom Brady, but if that doesn't pan out,
How would you like to make these jerseys?
Other countries are crushing the U.S. when it comes to effective recycling.
The ones doing it best? Germany.
>> German services are so efficient that neighboring countries
>> are sending their own rubbish to Germany for disposal.
>> German recycling rates are amongst the highest in Europe and its standards are too.
>> Most pollutants at this plant are carefully removed, as is almost anything that could be reusable.
Take it easy, Germany.
Historically, you don't have such a great track record when you start "carefully removing" your so-called "pollutants."
Recycling totally works, it is good because
we tell a version of that joke on every show.
I want to recycle, I really do.
But it's too confusing.
Half the time, I can't figure out if something goes into recycling or if it goes into the trash.
We've all been there.
You're in a place like a coffee shop,
You finish up, and suddenly it's awkward, isn't it?
Because you're standing there thinking, "where does the condom go?"
Do I dump the semen in the compost or is it all considered plastic?
I mean, did we really think we could rely on Americans to sort through their own trash?
Trusting us to do recycling was a bad idea from the get-go.
All we care about here is convenience.
We want to drink a thing and toss it into another thing,
But if you add another thing to the thing, it's too much thing.
If recycling weren't so complicated, it wouldn't be such a big deal.
All we need are easy, step-by-step instructions.
>> Step one: Check the local laws regarding recycling in your town.
>> Not all communities recycle the same thing.
>> Step two: rinse glass bottles, plastic containers, and aluminum and tin cans.
>> Labels do not have to be removed.
Step 2....
Step 3...
Step 4...
Step 5... Step 6... Step 7...
Stop! Stop!
It's too much, I'm not doing all that sh*t!
I'm sorry, environment!
F*ck you trees, or however we make bottles.
But you're on your own.
Recycling shouldn't be more complicated than following the storyline of Westworld.
At least when I see Westworld, I get to see some boobs.
You're not going to find boobs in an old pizza box.
I mean, unless your aunt dresses like a slutty pizza box for Halloween again.