- Hello, I'm Adam and welcome to Corpse Talk,
the show that brings the dead famous to life!
Tonight's guest was the fifth emperor of Rome,
and some say the worst emperor of all time.
But was he? Let's find out!
(cheering)
♪ Corpse Talk ♪
♪ A history chat about this or that ♪
♪ Corpse talk ♪
♪ Corpse Talk ♪
♪ Where the dead famous come to life ♪♪
- It's the all-singing, all-dancing Emperor Nero!
(applause)
- Hey!
Let me sing for you.
(singing off-key)
- Ooh...
♪ Everyone tells me so ♪♪
- Uh, maybe later, Nero.
- Hm, your loss.
- We've got to talk about your seriously controversial reign.
- Hmm. - Now, you weren't always destined
to become emperor of Rome.
It only happened thanks to some seriously shady shenanigans by your mum.
(sighs) - Oh, her!
- In fact, she's so important to your story,
we thought we'd just dig her up for a little family reunion!
- Ha! What?
- Please, give a big Corpse Talk welcome to Nero's mum:
Agrippina Minor!
(applause) - You've got to be kidding me!
- Hello, Nero.
Aren't you going to let your mother sit down?
- Ma!
- I'd do anything for my little emperor. - Ugh.
- I married my own uncle, Claudius. - Ooh.
- And persuaded him to make you his heir instead of his own son.
And then, had him killed.
But do I get any thanks?
(groaning) - Mum!
It's bad enough that you tried to run my life,
you don't have to run my interview too!
- What are you gonna do? Murder me again?
- Oh wow, yes. It says here that you tried to kill your mum in a...
collapsible boat?
- Oh, come on! I was only a teenager when I got the top job.
It wasn't easy trying to be emperor with your mum hanging around the whole time,
telling you what to do.
- Eat some fruit!
I saw that.
(sighs)
- She was a nightmare to get rid of.
Far too clever to fall for any of the usual killing methods,
like poisoning. - Ah!
(Nero): So, somewhat brilliantly,
I had my people design a special boat
that would break in two when Mum was on board.
And drown her.
- But what my little emperor didn't realize...
I was a fantastic swimmer!
(growls)
- So how did you get rid of her in the end?
- I just had her stabbed.
- See, it's like mother told you,
the old ways are the best ways.
- Once she was out of the picture,
I could get on with being emperor of Rome.
Alone. Like the way I want to do the rest of this interview.
- Fine, do what you want!
You always do anyway.
(cheering)
- Mums, eh?
(chuckles)
(Agrippina): They're never gonna let you sing!
- Ma!
- Uh, what do you think were your greatest achievements as emperor of Rome?
- Everything I did was great.
Under my amazing rule,
things boomed like you wouldn't believe.
Everyone loved me!
- Apart from the people who rose up to fight against you.
Britannia, Judea...
- Ungrateful losers!
And back at home in Rome, I built amazing public spaces,
and entertained the people with the greatest gladiators.
- You loved to put on a good show, that is true.
You toured Greece and even competed in the Olympic Games.
- Yeah, I was amazing.
I loved Greece.
Loved the culture, the food,
everything.
I won the biggest chariot race, of course.
(Adam): Yes, only because you had 10 horses,
while the rest of your competitors just had four.
And even then, you fell over.
- I'm okay.
(crowd cheering) Thank you, thank you!
I was pretty amazing all in all.
- Were you really though?
Didn't Rome burn to the ground while you stood round playing fiddle?
- Lyre!
- I'm only saying what I heard.
- No! I used to play the lyre, not the fiddle.
And anyway, it's beside the point.
When the great fire happened, I didn't even know about it.
I was catching some waves at my beach house, 30 miles away.
Can I sing now?
- Oh, no time for that, we've got to get back to Rome.
- After the fire, I rebuilt the city,
bigger and better than ever before.
- Well, you did, but you also built yourself a golden palace
right where people's homes had been.
- Left a bit! Right a bit!
So what? In politics, you have to give people what they want.
And what I wanted was a massive golden palace full of statues of me.
- And didn't you try to pin the blame for the great fire of Rome
on a small religious group?
- Let me drop some Nero knowledge on you.
When times are tough, you give people shiny distractions
like sporting events,
and find a small powerless group, like the Christians were back then,
and blame them for everything bad that happens.
I suppose your leaders don't do that kind of thing these days.
(chuckles) - You'd be surprised.
Anyway, Nero, it's been nice to have you on the show.
- Wait a second!
You haven't even asked me about my incredibly popular singing recitals!
(chuckling) - Oh, I'm not sure we have time.
- I command you to roll the flashback!
(whimpering) - Okay.
(Nero): I wowed audiences wherever I went with my powerful and beautiful voice.
No one wanted to leave.
- Well, no one could leave because you'd lock all the doors!
Some people even faked their own deaths to get out of having to listen to you!
- Where are you getting all this negative rubbish from?
- The scholars who wrote about your reign: Tacitus, Suetonius.
- Fake historians!
Now, let me sing. - Hey!
- My people demand it.
(sighs) Not again!
- Ha! What a shame! And that's all we have time for.
Join us next time on Corpse Talk,
the show that brings the dead famous to life!
- What an artist dies in me.
- Silly boy! Should've listened to your mother.
- Mum!
(cheering)
♪ Corpse Talk ♪
♪ A history chat about this or that ♪
♪ Corpse talk ♪
♪ Corpse Talk ♪
♪ Where the dead famous come to life ♪♪