REG, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT WAS TODAY?
IT WASN'T JUST ANY DAY DA, DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT WAS TODAY?
>> NATIONAL VOTER REGISTRATION DAY?
>> James: WELL, THAT IS TRUE, AND THAT MAY--
(LAUGHTER) YES, WE SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH
THAT.
BECAUSE THAT'S MADE THIS LOOK-- LIKE A SIMPLE PIECE OF
WHIM SEE AT THE TOP-- WHIMSY AT THE TOP OF THE SHOW.
I CAN TELL YOU, AS WELL AS THAT.
>> Reggie: OKAY.
>> James: IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF FALL.
YES.
IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF FALL.
LIKE THAT MATTERS WHATSOEVER ANY MORE.
(LAUGHTER) YOU CAN TELL IT'S FALL HERE IN
LOS ANGELES.
ALL THE SMOKE FROM THE WILDFIRES IS REALLY STARTING TO SMELL LIKE
PUMPKIN SPICE.
I QUITE LIKE AUTUMN IN L.A.
BECAUSE YOU FEEL SMUG WITH IT.
LIKE IF I, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, THAT IS REALLY MY FAVORITE
FEELING, IS SMILE, FACETIME, I WILL FACETIME MY SISTERS AND
THEY WILL BE LIKE GETTING COLD HERE.
AND I WILL BE LIKE IS IT?
I'M IN A T-SHIRT.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT OUGHT IMIN L.A.
>> Reggie: IT IS THE SAME THING T IS MY FAVORITE THING
ABOUT AUTUMN, NO MATTER WHERE I AM.
>> James: GO ON.
>> CANDY CORN, BABY.
>> James: I CAN'T GET ON BOARD WITH IT.
I CAN'T GET ON BOARD WITH IT.
I CANNOT GET ON BOARD WITH CANDY CORN.
>> IT IS A POLARIZING TREAT BUT I STAND FIRMLY ON THE SIDE OF
OOH DELICIOUS.
>> James: BUT I FEEL LIKE, LOOK, LISTEN, IF THERE IS
NOTHING ELSE THERE, I WILL HAVE A CANDY CORN.
BUT OFTEN THERE ARE OTHER THINGS AVAILABLE.
THAT'S MY ISSUE WITH THE CANDY CORN.
WHY WOULD I CHOOSE IT OVER OTHER CANDY?
>> I WILL ESCHEW OTHER CANDY FOR CANDY CORN 100 PERCENT OF THE
TIME IN THE AUTUMN, AND ONLY IN THE AUTUMN.
>> James: I FEEL LIKE SOME DAYS I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU
ARE.
(LAUGHTER) WELL, IT IS OFFICIALLY FALL,
WHICH MEANS THE ELECTION IS COMING UP FAST.
AND PRESIDENT TRUMP IS HITTING THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL HARD.
LAST NIGHT HE HELD NOT ONE BUT TWO RALLIES IN OHIO.
AT HIS FIRST RALLY LAST NIGHT PRESIDENT TRUMP STARTED RAMBLING
ABOUT MISSILES.
>> BUT YOU DON'T SEE THEM EITHER.
THEY GO THROUGH HERE, OF COURSE, WHAT HAPPENED.
WHAT WAS THAT.
IT'S GONE.
IT'S HERE, THERE ST, I HEAR A NOISE OVER THERE, WHERE IS IT,
IT'S GONE, IT'S OVER THERE.
BUT HYDRO SONIC, I CALL IT SUPER DEUPER, SUPER DEUPER IS EASIER
FOR PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND THAT HYDRO SONIC.
>> James: SUPER DEUPER.
HE CALLS MISSILES SUPER DEUPER.
EVEN WORSE, HE LATER REFERRED TO TANKS AS ROLY-POLYS.
(LAUGHTER) I LOVE THAT TRUMP HAS NO IDEA
WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT, BUT HE STILL DUMBS IT DOWN FOR HIS
AUDIENCE.
ALSO IN THAT CLIP HE WAS CALLING THE MISSILES HYDROSONNIC, WHICH
IS NOT A THING.
THAT IS NOT WHAT THEY ARE CALLED.
THEY ARE ACTUALLY CALLED HYPE-- HYPERSONIC MISSILES.
NOWK LOO, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES MADE A TEENY TINY
MISTAKE INVOLVING NUCLEAR MISSILES.
IT IS NOTHING TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT.
TRUMP CALLED THE MISSILES HYDROSONNIC.
THEN HE ADDED INCREDIBLE HEDGEHOG, THAT SONIC.
VERY FAST, TERRIFIC TEETH.
I DIDN'T CARE FOR THE MOVIE BUT I LOVE THE GAME.
TRUMP ALSO TOOK SOME TIME TO TALK ABOUT THE CORONAVIRUS AND
HE HAD THIS TO SAY WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY MIND BOGGLING.
HAVE A LISTEN.
>> NOW WE KNOW IT, IT AFFECTS ELDERLY PEOPLE, ELDERLY PEOPLE
WITH HEART PROBLEMS AND OTHER PROBLEMS, IF THEY HAVE OTHER
PROBLEMS THAT IS WHAT IT REALLY AFFECTS, THAT'S IT.
YOU KNOW, IN SOME STATES THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE, NOBODY
BELOW THE AGE OF 18, LIKE NOBODY, THEY HAVE A STRONG
IMMUNE SYSTEM, WHO KNOWS.
YOU TAKE YOUR HAT OFF TO THE YOUNG BECAUSE THEY HAVE A HELL
OF AN IMMUNE SYSTEM.
BUT IT AFFECTS VIRTUALLY NOBODY.
>> James: NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY TRUMP HAD TO HOLD TWO RALLIES
INSTEAD OF ONE.
BETWEEN THIS AND THE MISSILES, HE HAD A LOT OF MISINFORMATION
TO SPREAD.
TRUMP SAID IT ONLY AFFECTS ELDERLY PEOPLE.
YOU ARE 74.
YOU ARE ELDERLY.
YOUR DIET IS KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN.
ELDERLY PEOPLE WITH HEART PROBLEMS IS YOU.
HOW ARE YOU NOT WORRIED ABOUT THIS?
ALSO HE IS SALUTING YOUNG PEOPLE FOR THEIR IMMUNE SYSTEM.
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT.
NEXT HE WILL BE LIKE HATS OFF TO BABIES, THEY HAVE THOSE BENDY
LEGS, THEY CAN PUT THE FEET STRAIGHT INTO THE MOUTH.
HELL OF A SIGHT.
YOU SEE THEM WITH THE FOOD, THEY SWAT IT AWAY.
BUT APPARENTLY TRUMP'S RALLY ATTENDEES AREN'T WORRIED ABOUT
THE VIRUS EITHER.
HERE IS OHIO'S LT. GOVERNOR SHOWING OFF SOME TRUMP CAMPAIGN
MASKS LAST NIGHT.
AND WELL, IT DIDN'T SEEM TO GO OVER AS PLANNED. HAVE A LISTEN.
>> BUT IF YOU GO INTO A GROCERY STORE WHERE YOU GOT TO WEAR ONE,
ALL RIGHT, HANG ON, HANG ON, JUST LISTEN UP, LISTEN UP.
ALL RIGHT, I GET IT.
BUT IF SOMETHING TELLS YOU TO TAKE IT OFF, YOU CAN AT LEAST
SAY THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAVE THE COUNTRY BY WEARING ONE OF
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP'S MASKS, ALL RIGHT?
>> THIS IS TRUE.
AT ONE POINT SOMEONE IN THE CROWD EVEN YELLED GET OFF THE
STAGE, TO WHICH THE LT. GOVERNOR SAID I'M WRAPPING IT UP RIGHT
NOW, MR. PRESIDENT.
I MUST SAY THAT IS EXACTLY HOW EVERYBODY SHOULD RESPOND WHEN
THEY ARE BOOED OFF STAGE.
ALL RIGHT, I GET IT.
I GET IT.
AND YOU ARE A STANDUP COMEDIAN, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BOOED OFF
STAGE.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY TOUGH HECKLES.
>> I'VE NEVER BEEN BOOED, I'M A HONEY DRIFT DRIPPER, BUT HAVE I
HAD SOME NICE HECKLES.
>> James: ARE YOU A WHAT.
>> A HONEY DRIPPER.
BUT HAVE I HAD SOME HECKLES.
>> James: WHAT IS THE WORST.
>> NEVER ANYONE BEING MEAN.
JUST THE GUY WHO AGREES WITH YOU TOO LOUD, YOU KNOW, THAT YOU
WILL TELL A JOKE AND OH, YEAH, EVERY TIME.
YOU WILL BE LIKE DID YOU EVER DO THIS, EVERY-- BECAUSE YOU CAN'T
BE MEAN TO THAT GUY, YOU CAN'T BE LIKE SHUT UP BECAUSE HE'S
JUST ENJOYING THE SHOW WRONG.
>> James: WHAT ABOUT YOU, REG, HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY WEIRD
ENCOUNTERS WHEN YOU ARE ON STAGE?
>> I THINK THE FIRST YEAR I DID THE EDINBORO FESTIVAL, IT WAS MY
FIRST YEAR AND THERE WERE SOME SCOTTISH PEOPLE THAT HAPPENED TO
BE IN THE AUDIENCE.
AND AT ONE POINT A GUY GETS HECKLED, GO BACK IN YOUR HOLE.
(LAUGHTER) AND I RESPONDED I SAID I'M SO
SORRY, GUYS, THIS GUY IS A FELLOW TIME TRAVELER.
I'M A TIME TRAVELER AS WELL.
AND IT IS A WAY OF WISHING ANOTHER TIME TRAVELER GOOD LUCK
BECAUSE YOU WANT TO RETURN BACK TO YOUR OWN ORIGINAL TIME LINE.
AND THEN HE NEVER SAID ANYTHING AGAIN.
>> James: I IMAGINE THE REST OF THE SHOW HE WAS LIKE-- .
>> WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT TIME TRAVELINGK I SAID GET BACK IN
THE HOLE.
>> I ONCE HAD A SCOTTISH GUY SHOUT AT ME.
SO I WASN'T EVEN ON THE STAGE LOOKING FOR HECKLES.
>> I WAS WALKING DOWN THE ROAD AND HE WENT GET THE [BLEEP] YOU
FAT-- BUT THEN HE GOT STUCK IN THE LIGHT.
>> Reggie: OH NO.
>> James: SO I JUST WAND ERRED PAST THE CAR AND HE WAS DOING
THAT THING THAT WE ALL DO GOING,-- NO ONE IS THERE.
DOESN'T MATTER.
BOOING ASIDE, WE HAVE GONE FRACTIONALLY OFF TOPIC.
I WOULD LIKE TO SAY I DO LOVE THE LOOK OF A PLAYED SHIRT WITH
A BLAZER.
>> Reggie: OH MAN.
>> James: DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, THAT WAY WHEN YOU SHOW UP,
THE COWS KNOW YOU MEAN BUSINESS.
TRUMP ALSO TOOK TIME LAST NIGHT NOT TO TALK ABOUT HIS POLICY BUT
TO BOAST ABOUT THE NUMBER OF TELEVISIONS ON AIR FORCE ONE.
>> I JUST CAME INTO THAT BIG, BEAUTIFUL-- IT'S GOT MORE
TELEVISION THAN ANY PLANE IN HISTORY.
THEY HAVE CONVERSATIONS IN CLOSETS, IN BATHROOMS, ON THE
FLOOR, ON THE CEILING.
>> James: ARE WE SURE HE IS NOT CONFUSING WINDOWS FOR
TELEVISIONS?
HE JUST SAID HE IS IN THERE GOING LOOK AT ALL THESE TV
SCREENS.
LOOK, THEY'RE ALL PLAYING A BEAUTIFUL VIDEO OF CLOUDS GOING
BY.
THERE ARE TVS EVERYWHERE, UP HERE, EVEN THE PILOTS, THEY HAVE
TWO MEUJ 4K TV.
WHAT ARE THEY WATCHING, RIGHT UP FRONT, BIG TV.
>> HE SAID HE HAS MORE TV'S THAN ANY OTHER PLANE IN HISTORY WHICH
I DON'T THINK IS TRUE.
BECAUSE MOST AIRPLANES HAVE TV'S IN EVERY SINGLE SEAT.
IF YOU HAVE A DELTA FLIGHT THERE ARE LIKE HUNDREDS OF TV'S.
DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS STORY, ELON MUSK HAS UNVEILED A NEW
FACTORY THAT WILL LAST-- BATTERY THAT WILL LAST FOR UP TO ONE
MILLION MILES IN TESLA ELECTRIC CARS.
BUT HOW MANY TELEVISIONS.
I FEEL LIKE EVERY TIME ELON MUSK MAKES AN ANNOUNCEMENT IT IS JUST
ANOTHER ATTEMPT TO SHOW EVERYONE HE WENT TO SCHOOL WITH THAT HE
IS COOL NOW.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, I'M COOLK RIGHT, I'M COOL, I'M COOL.
PERFECT TIMING THOUGH, A CAR WITH A MILLION MILE BATTERY LIFE
AT A TIME WHEN WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE WE CAN GO.
AND THIS IS FUN.
A TEN YEAR OLD FROM WISCONSIN IS ABOUT TO REACH HIS GOAL OF DOING
100,000 PUSH-UPS IN A SINGLE YEAR.
100,000 IN A YEAR.
LISTEN KID, IF YOU ARE TRYING TO BE THE SCHOOL HEARTTHROB, TAKE
IT FROM ME, LEARN A DANCE ROUTINE AND JOIRN THE DRAMA
CLUB.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 100,000 PUSH-UPS IN A YEAR.
THE HOUSE OF THORNS, THAT IS MY QUESTION, YOU KNOW.
MY TRAINER SAYS FIVE QUALITY PUSH-UPS, ARE BETTER THAN 10,000
SLOPPEE ONES, DO YOU KNOW?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF BUY THE TIME, WHEN I'M ON MY DEATH BED I
DON'T EVEN THINK I WILL HAVE DONE A THOUSAND PUSH-UPS.
GUILLERMO, ARE YOU SHARP ON THE PUSH-UP FRONT?
>> I THOUGHT I COULD DO TEN NO PROBLEM.
>> James: OKAY, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE MORE EXCITING THAN
THAT.
REG?
ARE PUSH-UPS PART OF YOUR WORKOUT PROGRAM.
>> >> Reggie, YEAH, WE DO WEIRD
STUFF BUT CAN I DO LIKE PO.
>> James: HOW MANY PUSH-UPS DO YOU THINK WILL YOU DO IN YOUR
LIFETIME.
>> I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE EVER DONE ANYTHING THAT A DOCTOR
WOULD CALL A PUSHUP.
I MIGHT BE AROUND 50 OR 60 LIKE, YOU KNOW, THOSE ONES WHERE YOU
GO OH, THERE WE GO.
WHERE IT IS JUST BARELY AN ARM BEND.
>> James: THE WORST ONE IS IF YOU ARE IN THE GYM AND OTHER
PEOPLE ARE DOING THEM AND YOU HAVE GOT TO DO THAT SORT OF HALF
PUSH-UP ON YOUR KNEES.
YOU KNOW THE ONE I MEAN, RIGHT.
WHERE YOU ARE LIKE-- YOU KNOW, AND YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY DUDES
LIKE HIGH FIVE AND YOU ARE-- ARE YOU SORT OF LIKE THIS.
YOU HAVE TO DO THAT ONE.
WHICH IS NOT A PUSH-UP.
IT IS NOT A PUSH-UP.
YOU KNOW IT'S NOT A PUSH-UP.
THEY KNOW IT'S NOT A PUSH-UP AND YOU KNOW THIS IS THE LAST TIME
YOU WILL EVER GO TO THE GYM.
BUT YOU WILL PAY THE MEMBERSHIP FOR THE NEXT THREE YEARS.
FINALLY WE HAVE TO SHOW YOU THIS.
IN RUSSIA, THEY RECENTLY HELD A TEACHER OF THE YEAR CEREMONY AND
THE WINNERS RECEIVED AN AWARD.
THAT LOOKED A LITTLE AWKWARD.
SEE FOR YOURSELF I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.
THAT IS THE CRYSTAL PELICAN.
AND YES, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.
WHAT SUBJECT WERE THESE TEACHERS TEACHING?
NOW IT GETS EVEN WORSE.
AT ONE POINT, ALL OF THE TEACHERS HAD TO WALK ON STAGE
AND TOUCH THE PELICAN, MAKING THE WHOLE THING EVEN MORE WEIRD.
JRS IF I WAS WATCHING THIS VIDEO AND MY WIFE SUDDENLY WALKED IN,
I WOULD SLAM THE LAPTOP SHUT.
THE TROPHY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A PELICAN BUT BY THE TIME EVERYONE
WAS DONE TOUCHING IT IT WAS THE SIZE OF A OSTRICH.
OH DEAR.