What's possible is the balance of opposites. You have both sides.
The people you care about have both sides. Love is embracing both sides.
Fantasies are trying to get one side.
For centuries,
there has been a debate of whether there's some sort of a teleological
meaning in the universe itself,
or is meaning an individualized thing,
something that individuals give to events in their life.
And the evidence shows that there's no universal meaning,
but there's definitely individualized meanings.
And so in my studies of that we
surmised in order to have an individualized meaning there has to be some
form of individualized perspective.
So in order to do that, we have to look at human values.
And I know that some of you have been on my programs and know,
I rarely if ever talk without doing a talk without mentioning
values, but there's no way I can do this topic without it.
So every human being has a set of priorities,
a set of values, things that are most to least important in their life,
that is an evolving set, but at any moment is a set for them.
And that set of priorities,
things that are most to least important in their life,
whatever's highest on their value is something they are intrinsically,
from within, spontaneously called to act upon and to fulfill.
And as we go down the list of values,
they're extrinsically needing motivation to get us to do the things to fulfill
those. One is by design. And one is by duty.
Something that's most important to least important,
highest value to lowest value.
When we live by our highest value, we have more resilience,
adaptability,
we're more objective and we see both sides of events and objectivity
means even minded, neutral minded. And when we live by lower values,
instead of being in our executive center in our forebrain,
we're down in our amygdala, our sub-cortical brain,
and we are more likely to be polarized and want to avoid one half and
seek the other half, avoid predator, seek prey, avoid pain,
seek pleasure kind of thing. So we have a skewed,
subjective bias when we live by a lower values.
And we have a more objective view when we look by highest. Now,
the reason I mention that andt have to put that in as a preclude to what I'm
about to say,
is the word meaning is the mean
between the extremes. And this goes back even to Aristotle,
and he described the highest value of an individual,
he gave the term of it, telos.
The telos was the end in mind. The thing that is primary objective,
the thing that is our chief aim, the thing that is most important to us.
And the study of that was called teleology and teleology was the study of
meaning and purpose.
So our highest value is our path of purpose.
And it is the direction where we have the most meaning and extract meaning out
of things and able to see both sides of things or the mean
between the polarities.
Now really bear with this and develop this because this is really important,
at least in my perspective.
When you have an event in your life that you are infatuated with
and are drawn to and look up to,
and you believe that you're conscious of the upsides of it and
unconscious of the downsides of it,
you're impulsively drawn towards it by your amygdala to
go and seek it, to consume it. It's like represents prey to us.
When we resent something and look down on it and resent it and
want to avoid it,
it's representing predator to us and we're conscious of the downsides,
unconscious of the upsides.
So when we're conscious of the upsides and unconscious of the downsides,
we have a subjective bias. We're conscious of downsides or unconscious upsides,
we have a subjective bias.
And when we're in our amygdala, our lower valued, activated areas of the brain,
we skew and subjectlively bias things and distort things and
lose the mean, the middle, and go to extremes of perception.
And we see all positives, no negatives or all negatives, no positives.
And we say, well, they're all great, there's no downsides or all bad,
no good sides, kind of thing. And we get into this highly moralized skewed
absolutest viewpoint, and we've lost our mean.
And we label something instead of extracting meaning out of it.
So let me explain what extracting meaning is. Our intuition,
which is a negative feedback loop that tries to bring our mind and body back
into homeostasis and neutrality is constantly,
when we're infatuated trying to whisper to us, the downsides.
We've all been infatuated somewhere in our life with somebody in a relationship.
And while we're infatuated and enamored with them and impulsively drawn to them
and minimizing ourself and putting them on a pedestal and sort of sacrificing
our life for them,
getting out of our own highest values and living in their values temporarily,
to try to please them, our intuition is trying to whisper,
keep an eye on the downsides,
there's downsides to this person to try to bring them down and us
back up to put us on a level playing field so we can have a true
sustainable relationship. And when we resent somebody,
our intuition is trying to point out the upsides to balance
out our mind again,
because otherwise what we resent or we infatuate,
occupy space and time in our mind and keeps running us and distracting us from
being present.
Our brain is a highest value telos seeking organ,
and it wants to fulfill that.
So the brain is a telos seeking and fulfilling organ.
And it's trying to extract meaning out of our polarities of experience.
And it does it with intuition by trying to point out the other
side from what we're seeing.
So if we're only infatuated and we're conscious the upsides,
and we're not looking at the downsides, we're ignoring and unconscious
of the downside, our intuition is trying to point them out,
to take us off the infatuation,
which distracts us and occupies our mind and take us back into the mean,
the center. And if we're resentful and we're conscious of the downsides,
unconscious of the upsides, ignorant of the upsides,
our intuition is trying to point out the meaning behind why that's happened.
So our intuition is constantly trying to extract the mean
out of the polarities of perception that our amygdala keeps throwing at us
when we're not living by our highest value.
But when we live congruently and in alignment with our highest value,
where we're most objective, which means neutral and balanced, not polarized,
we're more stable, more certain, more present,
and we have more meaning, because of that,
our intuition has given us that center point,
the mean between the polarities of up and down.
When the stock market is going over time,
let's say you take the indices of the Dow in America,
every country has its own indices.
If you take an index,
you'll find that it goes up above the mean, it goes down below the mean,
up above the mean, down below the mean, it's going up and down constantly.
Sometimes it goes up for a while and then it crashes.
But when it's above the mean it's overvalued stock and you're paying more than
its average price, when it goes below the mean you're paying less than it is,
that's called a value stock.
And so what happens is the mean is the average between the volatilities of the
market. And the mean is the average between the volatilities,
vicissitudes of your mind, the pertubations of the external world,
that's testing your mind to see how stable it is.
So when you're infatuated and things are occupying space and time in your mind,
you've lost meaning,
and you've put a skewed interpretation of your reality on that event.
And when you're resentful again,
you skewed meaning and you've distorted it and you're now only conscious of one
side. You're not fully conscious. Mindfulness,
full consciousness is when you're able to see both sides at the same
time,
synchronously and stay remained centered and poised and
present and purposeful and extract meaning out of things
because you're not allowing the meaningless distractions run your life.
So yes,
there is individual meaning based on individual values
in individuals who are disturbed by
misperceptions of the external world.
And if they're not filling their day with high priority actions that inspire
them, and they're not filling their day with the telos, the highest priority,
highest value, what's most important in their life,
they have the highest probability of being distracted,
living in their lower values and in their lower cortical areas,
subcortical areas,
where the amygdala is skewing things and subjectively biasing interpretations,
and making you then run extrinsically by things on the outside,
victims of external world instead of masters of an internal world.
But the second you go back to priority and live by what's most important,
you automatically have more objective viewpoints because you're willing to
embrace the pains and pleasures, the positives and negatives,
the support and the challenge more equally when you're doing what you love
doing.
That's why if you go and fill your day with very high priority actions during
the day, when you come home,
you've had this amazing day and you're easily resilient and adaptable and pretty
well, whatever happens, you know how to handle it. You don't react, you proact.
So if you fill your day with high priority actions that inspire you and stick to
what's the telos and pursue objectives,
not fantasies of one sidedness,
and don't allow yourself to get distracted by low priority distractions of
pleasures and pains and infatuations, resentments,
and the impulses and instincts of the amygdala of the desire center that
distract you, that extract away meaning, the mean,
you'll stay purposeful and you'll realize that the meaning you've given it is
whatever neutralizes it, and guess what?
Between infatuation resentment is a center point called love.
So you're extracting out love out of your experience.
You're extracting out wisdom out of your experiences,
by learning how to ask questions inside intuitively.
Your intuition is trying to prompt questions to make you aware of what you're
unaware of, make you conscious of what you're unconscious of,
to make you fully conscious. I've been teaching the Breakthrough Experience,
one of my signature programs for many years now, 30 going on two years,
and one thing I'm certain about is that the quality of your life is based on the
quality of the questions you ask.
If you ask questions that equilibrate the mind, it takes you back to priority,
it takes you back to your telos.
And if you ask questions on the things you're infatuated, what's the downside.
And you take the things that you think are down and take what's the upside.
And you do what your intuition is attempting to do to bring you back to the
mean,
you quickly extract meaning out of your existence and find the hidden order in
your apparent chaos,
and then are grateful for your life instead of distracted and having fantasy of
avoiding a pain and seeking a pleasure, and then having ingratitude,
because it's not possible. What's possible is the balance of opposites.
You have both sides. The people that you care about have both sides.
Love is embracing both sides. Fantasies are trying to get one side.
So if you want to extract meaning out of life,
and the one that is unique to you, based on your hierarchy of values,
that's why two people with the same event can have different meanings out of it,
because they have a unique set of values,
but to extract meaning out of every event in your life,
which leads you to a very fulfilled and meaningful life is knowing how to
equilibrate your mind amongst the vicissitudes of emotions that perturb
you from the external world,
from misperceptions due to you not living by your highest values and being in
the amygdala and skewing and distorting things.
We distort things when we're in survival mode and we integrate and balance
things and find meaning when we're in thrival mode.
[Inaudible].
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