- Out of all the countries I performed in,
my favorite country outside of home, is Australia.
And I'll tell you why.
Australia, much like us in America,
has its list of priorities.
You know what's not on their list?
Political correctness.
They do not care about your feelings.
It's like a country full of Daves.
(audience laughing)
Believe it or not, it's very refreshing
to be around such a large group of people
who speak their mind so freely.
And if you know that before you go there,
you're gonna have an amazing time.
But if you don't know that and you show up,
it is a culture shock and a half
because I showed up and I didn't know.
Everybody says you gotta see the beaches
and I went to the beach.
I had people coming up to me.
"Hey, somebody help me get him back in the water."
(audience laughing)
"Right there, big fella.
"Look at you right there.
"Oh, look! He's moving, he's moving.
"He's moving.
"He's crying.
"I bet it tastes like gravy."
(audience laughing)
It's not bullying if everyone does it.
Yeah, that being said, I'm in Australia,
Sydney, Australia at the Opera House.
For me, it was one of the most iconic places
I've ever got to perform in.
It was bucket list, definitely.
After the show, I wanted to go hang out with some Aussies
and see what that was like.
I'm hanging out at a pub.
First things first, Australian people
do not drink Fosters beer.
That's an American thing.
They don't drink that over there.
I tried ordering one to fit in, didn't go over well.
(audience laughing)
Bartender looked at me.
"Hey, you like the taste of piss, do ya?"
(audience laughing)
Okay, don't order that again.
So I'm hanging out with these two Aussies
and we're drinking a rum called Bundaberg.
At first glance, it looks like a Coca-Cola bottle
because there's a polar bear on the front,
and then you drink it and you're like, that's not Coke.
(audience laughing)
As we're talking,
a third Australian joined the conversation,
and he sounded a little bit different from the other two.
He had more of a raspy voice.
More like, "All right, yeah mate!
"Yeah, all right!"
He sounded like a drunk pirate underwater.
(audience laughing)
These two guys didn't like him,
so they called him a name and they left
and now it's just me and drunk pirate.
We're talking about life,
life in America, life in Australia,
talking about our differences.
He tells me that he's a professional knife maker.
He's showing me how it's done.
He's showing me pictures.
We wind up polishing off three bottles of this rum
and drunk wasn't even the right word to describe our level.
My tour manager, Ryan,
he comes up to me and he says, Gabe time to go.
And I look at Ryan and I'm like, but Ryan!
I just met a friend and he makes knives.
And they look pretty.
(audience laughing)
My tour manager always know how to talk to me
no matter what condition I'm in.
If I'm drunk, he knows better than to talk to me
like I'm an adult.
He talks to me like I'm two.
(audience laughing)
He looks at me and he says, "Hey buddy.
(audience laughing)
"You hungry?"
(audience laughing)
"Well listen, if we don't leave right now,
"they're gonna close McDonald's
"and you're gonna have to eat at the airport."
(audience laughing)
"I gotta go."
"Hey mate, if you gotta go, you gotta go.
"No worries."
And he goes to shake my hand
and when he shook my hand,
he put his personal pocket knife that he made in my hand
as a gift.
"That's for you mate.
"Thanks for being nice."
"Thank you!
"I'mma cut cheeseburgers with this."
(audience laughing)