Interviewer: What's the weirdest thing you've been asked about being Muslim?
Do I worship a moon God?
Are you allowed to have sex, during Ramadan?
I bet you like to hump goats!
Like... [laughs].
Like, I don't even know what to say to that.
What's a mosque?
What do you guys really do in there?
The weirdest question is:
if I'm planning to blow anything up.
Why are you guys like that?
Why don't Muslims denounce terrorism?
Aren't you hot?
Are you circumcised?
I do denounce terrorism.
Really? You guys can laugh? You guys can smile?
Aw.
A Muslim is a great many things,
depending on your perspective.
Muslim is the word we use to label people
that follow the Islamic religion.
And believes in the oneness of God.
And that Muhammad is his messenger.
That's really all that it is.
There's no secret handshake.
You don't have to run through a gauntlet.
Things like not cheating, not stealing,
not killing, not hurting folks.
Are principal to the faith.
We can't eat pork. There's no pork on my fork.
No swine on my mind.
A practicing Muslim prays five times a day.
I'm not jiggy with the piggy. I'm not achin' for the bacon.
Every chapter in Quran except one starts with
God is merciful, God is compassionate.
Compassion, mercy, these were the two concepts.
I'm not hostage to the sausage.
There's a lot of these phrases.
I think the question of: "What is a Muslim?"
100% can not be answered.
We're talking about over a billion people.
People think a Muslim is traditionally,
basically someone looks like me, with a beard.
Maybe not as much swag because that's unique to me.
But, Muslims come from all different walks of life.
A Muslim is anyone who says he's a Muslim.
There's all levels of Muslims.
That includes, you know,
the secular Muslim who eats BLT's
and washes it down with a glass of Pino.
There are some that are very devout in practicing,
and there are some that are not,
just like with every other faith.
Nobody in Islam gets to say who is,
and who is not a Muslim.
God is the one who determines that.
We don't have a Muslim pope,
although it would be cool if we did.
And I think it should be me.
If you really want to break down the Arabic word
it literally means "the one who submits."
To God.
To peace.
According to my father,
a Muslim is any person who surrenders to a force
greater than themself.
When I introduced my atheist whitey-white
infidel boyfriend to my dad.
My Dad goes, "Listen listen Zahra,
...the word Muslim just means one who surrenders
to a force greater than himself."
"That's it. Does he believe in gravity?"
"So he surrenders to the gravity,
it is a force greater than himself."
"He's a Muslim. So, welcome".
A great majority of us are just ordinary boring people.
You know, schmucks like us.
But, what do I know?
I'm just one Muslim, out of 1.7 billion Muslims.