-If you've been following the news recently,
you may have read that Texas State University
will be offering a class on Harry Styles this fall.
A class, as class on Harry Styles the singer.
Well, things like this, they always, well
they get me to thinking. you know, I'm getting older.
And sometimes, I look around and I don't even
recognize the world I'm living in anymore.
Things are changing every day and not always for the better.
And it's times like these that I like to take a moment
to talk about how things were well, just a bit more simple,
back in my day. [ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Back in my day, universities weren't offering
classes on Harry Styles, poppycock.
Back in my day, if you wanted to take a class
on Harry Styles you had to accidentally call
One Direction, One Dimension, in front of your niece.
And then by God, she would give you an education.
Back in my day, meteoroids weren't damaging
the new James Webb space telescope, star junk!
Back in my day, the only telescope being damaged
was the one in my living room, when my neighborhood
Mr. Lanningham came over and smashed it into a million pieces
and called me a pervert.
Well, sir, I wasn't the one going to bed
in a full Spider-Man costume. [ Dog barks ]
Huh, good point, Rusty.
He could've closed the curtains.
He wanted me to watch.
Also, back in my day, we weren't looking at
space photos from some brand-new James Webb telescope.
No, back then, we had to rely on that old piece of crap,
The Hubble.
Every few months that hunk of junk would [Bleep] out
another stupid photo and we'd have to pretend to see something
because the scientists told us it was amazing.
Show us some orange smudge and say, "This is a new galaxy,
isn't it incredible?" meanwhile, we're all thinking,
"Are you sure it's not a family photo my Aunt took
with her thumb over the lens?
[Bleep] Hubble.
[ Laughter ]
[ Dog barks softly ]
Back in my day, we weren't prepping ourselves
for the "Game of Thrones" spin off "House of the Dragon,"
Lannister beans!
Back in my day, we were prepping ourselves for the "Cheers!"
spin off and boy were we excited when we found out it revolved
around everyone's 7th favorite "Cheers!" character,
Frasier Crane.
What's more fun than a bar in Boston?
Oh, I know, a talk-radio station
in America's wet blanket Seattle.
But you know what, it kinda worked.
Thanks to a fine actor named John Mahoney.
[ Barks ] -Oh-ho-ho you thought it was
Eddie the dog, yeah he was great and so was Roz.
And who could forget Daphne Moon and Niles! Niles.
You know, come to think of it, Frasier might have been
the 7th best character on "Frasier" too.
What are the odds?
Back in my day, Walgreen's employees weren't refusing to
sell condoms on religious grounds.
Back in my day, Walgreen's employees refused
to sell us anything.
'Cause they were all out back having a smoke
and there was nobody running the cash register,
nobody anywhere.
You could wander the aisles for days
and never see a single person who worked there.
Even the woman with the name tag trying to force open
the razor case was like, "Me? No, I work at Target.
I just couldn't find anybody who worked here to get me
a damn Schick Hydro."
Back in my day, the crypto markets weren't crashing, no.
Back then the only thing crashing was your cousin,
on your couch, 'cause he lost his house investing in crypto.
[ Laughter ]
Back in my day, there was nobody testing positive for polio
in the United States.
The only thing we were testing positive for was Polly-O
the string cheese.
And you know what the big difference was between
polio and Polly-O?
FDR never had string cheese.
[ Laughter ]
I told you that one would do alright.
[ Laughter ] [ Barks ]
Back in my day, Long Island residents
weren't worried about getting attacked by sharks,
they were worried about getting attacked by a fellow
Long Islander.
Especially by angry 5'4" bald men in sub shops wearing
hockey jerseys that came down to their knees.
And no they didn't have to pay for that Bud Light
because actually they didn't take it from the fridge,
they brought in with them actually.
And if you say another word, pal, they will break that bottle
over your head.
Back in my day, the Fed wasn't increasing interest rates.
Or maybe they were Christ, I have absolutely no idea
what any of it means. [ Barks ]
Whatever, Rusty, what do you know about uncollatoralized
transfers between depository institutions?
[ Barking ] Oh, really?
Well, in that case I had better call my accountant.
[ Barking ] Ten percent?!
You're killing me, Rusty!
[ Laughter ]
Back in my day, no one was yammering about inflation
unless it was Thanksgiving and you were watching
the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
I remember one year we couldn't talk.
Stop -- excuse me -- we couldn't stop talking about inflation
at our house, because they inflated Uncle Sam
and Spider-Man at the same time and the way they were
positioned, well, just take a look.
[ Laughter ]
I guess that year Uncle Sam really had something
to be thankful for. [ Laughter ]
Back in my day, they weren't making
a musical sequel to the movie "Joker."
Back in my day, we were satisfied with the music
in the original "Joker."
Like, remember that scene where those three Wall Street guys
sang "Send in the Clowns" before getting murdered?
Gotta say, best scene in that movie.
Am I just saying that because my writer Ben Warheit
who is also the writer in charge of the "Back in My Days" script
played one of the three Wall Street guys that got killed?
No, not a chance.
Although, come to think of it, that was probably
the best part of that movie, and, actually,
and this isn't even part of the "Back in My Days" script
anymore, this is just me riffing thinking out loud.
But wouldn't it be kind a cool if they recast all the people
who died in the first movie, as different roles in the sequel?
It could make sense because the whole thing with Joker is that
he's insane and you don't know if what he's experiencing
is real or in his head.
It would be a cool unique casting move
for a great director like Todd Phillips.
The Academy loves stuff like that, too.
Again, just thinking out loud here, make it happen, Internet.
Are you happy with that, Ben? -Yeah, yeah, I think so. Yeah.
Fingers crossed. [ Chuckles ]
Hey, how's it going, Rusty? [ Growls ]
-Well, I'm sorry I had to do that, but sometimes
this grumpy old Gus has got to get to griping.
This has been "Back in My Day" we'll be right back.