♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK TO TO LATE SHOW,
LET'S SAY HELLO.
HELLO, JOHN.
>> OH MAN, COME ON, WHAT IS HAPPENING?
>> Stephen: I HAVE GOT MY HEAD IS TURNED TO THE HOLIDAYS.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I AM WONDERING, WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS,
JOHN?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO GET YOU.
>> WOW.
IF YOU CAN GIVE ME PEACE ON EARTH THAT WOULD BE GREAT, BUT
-- >> Stephen: I DON'T
-- >> DO YOU EVER READ THE CHOOSE
YOUR OWN ADVENTURES BOOKS.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> YOU KNOW BOOK YOU CAN READ AND THERE ARE OPTIONS.
>> Stephen: TO TO PAGE 54, ABC AND YOU GO BACK AND FORTH IN THE
BOOK LIKE THAT, YEAH.
>> YEAH, YEAH, I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND A COMPLETE
COLLECTION OF THOSE BOOKS, BECAUSE I USED TO READ -- I MAY
HAVE READ ALL OF THEM WHEN I WAS A KID AND I CAN'T FIND THEM
ANYMORE.
>> Stephen: LET ME WRITE THAT DOWN.
NOW FORGET THAT YOU ASKED ME, JOHN.
I MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE TO -- I AM NOT GOING TO, JOHN.
I AM 100 PERCENT NOT GOING TO START LOOKING FOR THOSE.
[ LAUGHTER ].
>> Stephen: DONE, DONE.
HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING -- HAVE YOU GOT ANY ADVENTURE MUSIC FOR
US?
>> OH, MY GOODNESS, OH, YEAH.
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ >> Stephen: HIGH SCORE.
JEAN-BAPTISTE, EVERYBODY.
>> THANK YOU, JOHN.
HAVE A GOOD ONE.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW I SPEND A LOT OF TYPE POLISHING
HUBCAPS, INSTALLING PREMIUM LEATHER INTERIOR PACKAGES,
UPGRADING TO SATELLITE RADIO AND PUTTING TOGETHER INCREDIBLE
HOLIDAY DEALS ON NEW AND CERTIFIED PREOWNED VEHICLES, ALL
TO FORM THE SPECTACULAR TOYOTATHON EVENT THAT IS MY
MONOLOGUE, BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO SPIN DOWN
THE ODOMETER ON A BUSTED OLD SAAB, TAPE A GARBAGE BAG OVER
THE BROKEN WINDOWS, HIGH THE WORDS STEERING WHEEL NOT
INCLUDED IN THE FINE PRINT TO HAWK THE DISCOUNT KARL'S NON0
ROAD WORTHY RATTLETRAP JALOPY OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT.
>> QUARANTINE-WHILE!
>> Stephen: QUARANTINE-WHILE.
COUNTRY SINGER CHASE RICE IS IN HOT WATER FOR AN INSENSITIVE
SERIES OF TWEETS.
JUST LOST MY TASTE AND SMELL.
WEIRD.
ALSO DROPPING A SINGLE AT MIDNIGHT.
AND THEN TEN MINUTES LATER TWEETED, ON A REAL NOTE, DON'T
HAVE COVID.
BUT I AM DROPPING A SINGLE TONIGHT.
NOT COME TO, CHASE, TO USE A GLOBAL PANDEMIC TO HAWK YOUR
LATEST PROJECT.
WE LEARNED THAT YEARS AGO WHEN SHAKESPEARE POSTED THESE FLYERS,
COUGHING UP BLOOD, FACE COVERED IN LESIONS, WEIRD.
ON A REAL NOTE, I'M HEALTHY AF, BUT YOU ALL SHOULD CHECK OUT MY
NEW PLAY HAMLET, NOW THAT WOULD BE SICK.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, DRAKE IS SELLING A SCENTED CANDLE THAT
SMELLS LIKE DRAKE, TO WHICH GWYNETH PALTROW REPLIED, UH,
CALL ME WHEN IT SMELLS LIKE DRAKE'S VAGINA.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, OREO IS RELEASING A LADY GAGA-INSPIRED
PINK AND GREEN COOK CAN KISS.
OKAY, AS MUCH AS I LOVE HER, LADY GAGA'S OREOS WILL NEVER
REPLACE PAT BENATAR'S HYDRO G!
QUARANTINE-WHILE, I HAVE ALREADY BROUGHT YOU NEWS OF THE
MYSTERIOUS APPEARANCE OF THIS UPON LOT IN THE UTAH DESERT LAST
WEEK AND EVENTS SO POTENTIALLY PARADIGM SHIFTING FOR THE HUMAN
RACE THAT I NEED TO UPDATE YOU IN MY NEWEST MONTH LITERATURE
THEMED MEANWHILE SUBSEGMENT, MON-WHILE, MON-WHILE, THE
ORIGINAL UTAH DESERT MONOLITH, IS GONE-OLITH.
OVER THE WEEKEND WE LEARNED THAT THE MYSTERIOUS MONOLITH WAS
REMOVED ON FRIDAY EVENING.
A PHOTOGRAPHER OF THE SCENE SAW FOUR MEMBER ARRIVE AS IF OUT OF
NOWHERE TO DISMANTLE IT SAYING LEAVE NO TRACE, THIS IS OUR
MISSION.
CLEARLY GOVERNMENT AGENTS WORKING FOR THE DEPARTMENT OF
FUN-STOMPING.
COME ON, GUYS.
JUST LET US HAVE THIS!
WE DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE TO SEE IF IT SHOT OUT BEAMS TO MELT
ANYBODY'S BONES.
THEN THE MYSTERY DEEP DEEPENED BECAUSE ON FRIDAY ANOTHER
MYSTERIOUS MONOLITH SUDDENLY APPEARED, THIS TIME IN ROMANIA.
DO THESE ALIENS NOT WATCH THE NEWS.
AMERICAN MONOLITHS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TRAVEL TO EUROPE.
PLEASE TELL ME THIS MONOLITH DID NOT CELEBRATE THANKSGIVING.
NOW COMES THE NEWS THAT THE MYSTERY MONOLITH VANISHED IN
ROMANIA ON TUESDAY THEN A NEW MYSTERIOUS MONOLITH APPEARED ON
TOP OF A MOUNTAIN A IN CALIFORNIA YESTERDAY, HOW COULD
IT MOVE THAT FAST?
ARE WE DEALING WITH ONE MONOLITH?
OR IS IT IT A PAIR OF DUO-LITHS?
>> FOLKS IT IS NO COINCIDENCE THAT THESE MONOLITHS APPEARED
JUST BEFORE THE GREAT CONJUNCTION OF JUPITER AND
SATURN COMING UP ON DECEMBER 21.
OPEN YOUR EYES, SHEEPLE, THESE MONOLITHS ARE CLEARLY DORMANT
SUPERVISOR SPACE-TIME ENERGY NODES THAT WILL AWAKEN AT A
SPECIFIC PITCH IN THE VIBRATION OF THE ENTER PLANETARY MATRIX TO
HELP US MAKE THE LEAP TO THE NEXT GREAT PHASE OF HUMAN
EVOLUTION REACH BEYOND IMAGINATION AND TOUCH THE VERY
FACE OF GOD, OR IT'S GOING TO TURN OUT TO BE LIKE THE VIRAL
CAMPAIGN FOR MOUNTAIN DEW.
EITHER WAY, I AM HERE FOR IT.
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE FORMER DIRECTOR OF THE CYBER
SECURITY AND INFRASTRUCTURE SECURITY AGENCY,
CHRISTOPHER KREBS.